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Thread: Dealing with older parents

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Dealing with older parents

    My dad died when I was 4yrs old and my mom died when she was 73yrs old, I was 31yrs old....

    The thing about my mom was that although she was not well for a couple years before she died she didn't wallow in it. She had her medical issues but she was the same person.

    I bring this up because I am close to an older couple, both approaching 80yrs old. They really are like family and were both very active and vivacious. Hell the guy, Callahan...........used to drink all of us under the table when we worked on the stock exchange!
    But man did they go down hill and moreso...........they both seem to wallow in it. Like they seem worse off because they don't deal with it mentally, well enough.

    I will still always see them but if I said it wasn't a bit of a chore, I'd be lying.

    I just don't remember my mom ever having that attitude...

  2. #2
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PeteGill's Avatar
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    Changes from person to person, we have a family relative in her 90's who still cooks for herself and cleans her little flat. Full of energy and very in tune with what is going on around her. And yet yo see others younger than her who seem to almost give up once they hit their middle to late seventies.

    I think that being physically active and having interests does help though.

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Uber Star KRIS-ONE's Avatar
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    Maybe it's coming up time for them, they have had enough. My mum died few years back. Shes had depression for many years which manifested itself through booze. When she got sick she pretty much just gave up. I got the feeling that she just wanted gone and was fed up with life and the illness took her out pretty quickly. Just didn't seem much fight in the body left. I don't blame her or anything. The state of mind plays a big role when you sick and getting old and any history of depression makes the battle of getting older and sicker that much harder.
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeteGill View Post
    Changes from person to person, we have a family relative in her 90's who still cooks for herself and cleans her little flat. Full of energy and very in tune with what is going on around her. And yet yo see others younger than her who seem to almost give up once they hit their middle to late seventies.

    I think that being physically active and having interests does help though.
    Yeah, I was in no way disparaging them..........more commenting on people react different

    One observation:
    My mom certainly wasn't as social and didn't live as big a lifestyle as this couple had, my mom was more of a house-mom so maybe that factored in...........

    This couple, he made good money for their time and also their daughter married a very rich guy so they were sort of jet setters
    So maybe the slow down is harder on them mentally than my mom..........whose big night out was bingo

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Stillearly's Avatar
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    My Dad's 77 and he moans when he goes to visit older relatives , that they are morning , groaning and shuffling around .... but he does like a good whinge as well .. he started bowling a couple of years ago and that's given him a great hobby , even been on holiday with them three times and has two more trips next year

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stillearly View Post
    My Dad's 77 and he moans when he goes to visit older relatives , that they are morning , groaning and shuffling around .... but he does like a good whinge as well .. he started bowling a couple of years ago and that's given him a great hobby , even been on holiday with them three times and has two more trips next year
    Yeah I think keeping active is a must
    My friend Callahan worked on the exchange until he was 65 or so
    Then worked delivering for a bit

    Once he stopped working it all went downhill a bit

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    My dad was Mr Grumpy... except he now has dementia and has forgotten to be grumpy... he is quite indifferent now... and forgets to eat, to shower etc... I miss my old dad. The miserable bastard who made my life hell... 555. This one is fading away in front of our eyes... doesn't help my mum has Parkinsons. Am trying to get them back to the UK so I can look after them.

    These old people Paulie... how have they changed? Do they just moan more? Or what is it? Are they ill as well?
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Stillearly's Avatar
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    As they have been away from the UK so long , will they be eligible for healthcare etc , is there some sort if reciprocal agreement with NZ ?

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    My dad was Mr Grumpy... except he now has dementia and has forgotten to be grumpy... he is quite indifferent now... and forgets to eat, to shower etc... I miss my old dad. The miserable bastard who made my life hell... 555. This one is fading away in front of our eyes... doesn't help my mum has Parkinsons. Am trying to get them back to the UK so I can look after them.

    These old people Paulie... how have they changed? Do they just moan more? Or what is it? Are they ill as well?
    They have their medical issues but definitely not immobile
    But yes, they just moan

    I used to really look forward to going to see my friend Callahan
    I have taken trips with him to Chicago and Baseball Hall of Fame, Boston...........all despite us being almost 40yrs apart
    But now it really is a chore to spend time with him............a chore I gladly do and always will.

    We had a reunion for our old firm I started with. Not a firm sponsored thing..........just 30-40 of us getting together at the bar we used to go to.
    I offered to go pick him up in NJ and send him home in car service but he still wouldn't go

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stillearly View Post
    As they have been away from the UK so long , will they be eligible for healthcare etc , is there some sort if reciprocal agreement with NZ ?
    They have a UK pension.... so would have thought so?

    It says all legal residents of the UK are eligible for NHS healthcare...

    Also... One of the qualifications...

    Persons who live abroad, but receive a UK state pension, and who have lived in the UK for at least ten years in the past
    Last edited by Quarky; 1st December 2015 at 04:21.
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    They have their medical issues but definitely not immobile
    But yes, they just moan

    I used to really look forward to going to see my friend Callahan
    I have taken trips with him to Chicago and Baseball Hall of Fame, Boston...........all despite us being almost 40yrs apart
    But now it really is a chore to spend time with him............a chore I gladly do and always will.

    We had a reunion for our old firm I started with. Not a firm sponsored thing..........just 30-40 of us getting together at the bar we used to go to.
    I offered to go pick him up in NJ and send him home in car service but he still wouldn't go
    It must be depressing to be that age... I think I'll be a miserable old man, especially if I lose that ability to be mobile... I find it depressing enough that girls under 30 no longer fancy me... 55
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Stillearly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    They have a UK pension.... so would have thought so?
    Best to check first , I have heard of issues with getting back in the system after a long period away
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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PeteGill's Avatar
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    I do think that old people get a bit of a kick out of moaning though... I am sixty soon and am starting to quite enjoy it myself 5555
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeteGill View Post
    I do think that old people get a bit of a kick out of moaning though... I am sixty soon and am starting to quite enjoy it myself 5555
    I've been moaning consistently since my 20's...........so I should be ok 555
    justcruzing1 likes this.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Dupree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeteGill View Post
    I do think that old people get a bit of a kick out of moaning though... I am sixty soon and am starting to quite enjoy it myself 5555
    I noticed that I make noises of relief when I plop down in a cushy chair...555
    I just girl in bar. Buy me one dink?....

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Nomad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    It must be depressing to be that age... I think I'll be a miserable old man, especially if I lose that ability to be mobile... I find it depressing enough that girls under 30 no longer fancy me... 55
    You're immobile already...don't have a "smart phone" so you must be on your bum at the computer most of the day. I know you are just waiting for the driver-less car that has free-will to take you anywhere and you can keep posting on TD from your computer. But I have bad news, I think the driver-less car will be smart enough not to choose Pattaya or Ukraine as its destination. 555
    Quarky and jontymate like this.
    "Don't wait around for your life to happen to you. Find something that makes you happy and do it. Everything else is just background noise." George Mason

  17. #17
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nomad View Post
    You're immobile already...don't have a "smart phone" so you must be on your bum at the computer most of the day. I know you are just waiting for the driver-less car that has free-will to take you anywhere and you can keep posting on TD from your computer. But I have bad news, I think the driver-less car will be smart enough not to choose Pattaya or Ukraine as its destination. 555
    I do have a smartphone now.... 55

    A car with freewill.... now you're talking...
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน obes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dupree View Post
    I noticed that I make noises of relief when I plop ...555
    Fixed.........
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Stillearly's Avatar
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    I just hope he managed to get out of the chair in time ...

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    M26 I think when some folks get old and nothing works like it used to, everything you do which reminds them of their old (healthy active) life makes them grumpy. I do commend you though for sticking with the oldies even if it is not as enjoyable as you would like. You may never know how much they really do appreciate what you do for them.
    OZZYGUY likes this.

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