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Thread: Family mindset

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Family mindset

    I have a point, but bear with me to lead up to it.

    I grew up in a very unique town/neighborhood.
    I grew up 10mins from downtown Boston....maybe 7mins with no traffic
    But it has a very small town feel to it. It's a rough town made up of lower middle class (one reporter called it "hardscrabble")
    It's is a very sports oriented town where everyone knows everyone.
    Typically town in a movie where the jocks and cheerleaders are popular.

    My family is pretty well known through sports and you are always referred to "Bernie's little brother, Terri's little brother"
    My sister jokes her name is not Terri anymore but "Paul's sister" 555

    So my family was/is very much into sports. I was very good in football and my mom was on board of youth football, brothers and sisters played and cheered before and the coached.

    And most of my nephews are very good at sports.... hockey, lacrosse, baseball..

    But here is the gist of my post.
    My one nephew loves sports. He is the one nephew that I'd 1st ask to go to a game with me.
    But he wasn't very good playing and he was smart....he realized that pretty young and got into music..... specifically playing the drums.

    I amm, absolutely....your typical sports loving former jock. But I am a big time believer in encouraging kids to do what they like and what they are good at....no matter if it is one of your interests.
    So I always encouraged him.... taking him to music shops, buying him things he needed to play. And just talking the little music I know.

    Well, he is now 20yrs old and his band got signed to a record del and is on a pretty big tour with some major bands....Sum 41, Good Charlotte, Less Than Jake.

    And if measuring against my other nephews (I wouldn't but for sake of the argument) he is more accomplished as a musician than any of my nephews is playing sports.

    And my family couldn't care less. No acknowledgement whatsoever.

    It's just crazy to me to have such a narrow mindset and not appreciate things outside your norm.

    I am sure others have this experience with family??


    I know it's a long post but I think it's a good topic and discussion
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    Foundation Member Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Gazmac's Avatar
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    the twins from Good Charlotte are judges on The Voice Australia and mention this tour that are going back to the States to do !

    Well done to him Mark ! 20yo and hitting the road on tour with some top muso's ! The experience and contacts he is going to make will certainly out weigh any of his siblings and coupons sporting achievements !
    !qq!

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    ^Yeah, and there's sex drugs and groupies too...555...seriously, well done him.
    And where the hell was Biggles.....?....when you needed him last Saturday....?

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    I understand exactly where you are coming from, Paul. It is the one thing that I've always stressed with my kids. It is to follow your dream, and not necessarily the dream of your parents, siblings or friends. I loved sports, but was always marginal at them. I could make the team if I tried hard enough, but I wasn't big enough or fast enough to be a star. And, with having one eye slightly higher than the other, my depth perception is not the greatest. That really hampered me playing baseball.

    By contrast, my father was a natural athlete and won several gold medals in rowing, and silver medals in wrestling. I would have given anything to have him tutor and play with me, but he never did when I wasn't the "natural" he was hoping for.

    He was also critical of my art which was a direct result of me being partially colour blind. I can still recall him saying ..."That's no good, it's too green." He didn't understand that there was such a thing as colour blindness... and neither did I at the time. It hurt then and I still have vivid memories of those times. So, I did other things to get his attention... for which I often got the strap on my butt or hands. All the spankings taught me was how to ignore pain... which was useful later in life.

    It is a funny world and it's only when you can look back at things from an adult's perspective that you see what shaped your life and the directions you took.
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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    I have a point, but bear with me to lead up to it.

    I grew up in a very unique town/neighborhood.
    I grew up 10mins from downtown Boston....maybe 7mins with no traffic
    But it has a very small town feel to it. It's a rough town made up of lower middle class (one reporter called it "hardscrabble")
    It's is a very sports oriented town where everyone knows everyone.
    Typically town in a movie where the jocks and cheerleaders are popular.

    My family is pretty well known through sports and you are always referred to "Bernie's little brother, Terri's little brother"
    My sister jokes her name is not Terri anymore but "Paul's sister" 555

    So my family was/is very much into sports. I was very good in football and my mom was on board of youth football, brothers and sisters played and cheered before and the coached.

    And most of my nephews are very good at sports.... hockey, lacrosse, baseball..

    But here is the gist of my post.
    My one nephew loves sports. He is the one nephew that I'd 1st ask to go to a game with me.
    But he wasn't very good playing and he was smart....he realized that pretty young and got into music..... specifically playing the drums.

    I amm, absolutely....your typical sports loving former jock. But I am a big time believer in encouraging kids to do what they like and what they are good at....no matter if it is one of your interests.
    So I always encouraged him.... taking him to music shops, buying him things he needed to play. And just talking the little music I know.

    Well, he is now 20yrs old and his band got signed to a record del and is on a pretty big tour with some major bands....Sum 41, Good Charlotte, Less Than Jake.

    And if measuring against my other nephews (I wouldn't but for sake of the argument) he is more accomplished as a musician than any of my nephews is playing sports.

    And my family couldn't care less. No acknowledgement whatsoever.

    It's just crazy to me to have such a narrow mindset and not appreciate things outside your norm.

    I am sure others have this experience with family??


    I know it's a long post but I think it's a good topic and discussion
    Reminds me of the film Whiplash. His family apart from his mother wasn't very supportive either... just a lack of appreciation of something outside of their mindset...
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Dupree's Avatar
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    As we gain life experiences we realize how ignorant some of our family members are. They haven't progressed in their intellect since their teens. They've ceased learning. They don't read, they don't travel abroad, never try anything risky. They are insignificant in the world outside of their isolated zones of familiarity. If you are the ONLY one who acknowledges your nephew's accomplishments that is Testament to this. You do read, travel and take risks. Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll..
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dupree View Post
    As we gain life experiences we realize how ignorant some of our family members are. They haven't progressed in their intellect since their teens. They've ceased learning. They don't read, they don't travel abroad, never try anything risky. They are insignificant in the world outside of their isolated zones of familiarity.
    yeah,i see a lot of this. people i know but not family.
    haven't moved far from where they grew up,still have the same circle of friends from school,lifetime working in the same company/industry. they seem to be content.
    i prefer a challenge though!
    FACE YOUR FEARS LIVE YOUR DREAMS

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    Ignorance towards family members and especially your kids, i haven't posted for a while but man this topic really annoys me !!!!!

    You say your family hasn't acknowledged him, does this include his parents ? hopefully not because what he has achieved here is amazing ...

    Is was probably about the 90's when we started to learn the benefits of positive reinforcement with children, and even as a 20 year old its still important .... it's 2016 so it makes me wonder which cave parents have being living in for the past 26 years to have missed this .....
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    The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Bacon's Avatar
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    Yeah it's the only recently that we've learned about nurture and encouragement and the importance of education. The older generations are tough and hard working, but very dim in their understanding.

    The damage they have done to their kids. Even when I was growing up. In most cases they tend to mistake providing with love and care. In the same way we speak about love and money being closely intertwined in Thailand. Just goes to show how similar humans are. Behavioral patterns sometiems tend to be more similar in rich and poor societies than across cultures.
    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.


  10. #10
    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dupree View Post
    As we gain life experiences we realize how ignorant some of our family members are. They haven't progressed in their intellect since their teens. They've ceased learning. They don't read, they don't travel abroad, never try anything risky. They are insignificant in the world outside of their isolated zones of familiarity. If you are the ONLY one who acknowledges your nephew's accomplishments that is Testament to this. You do read, travel and take risks. Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll..
    Great post, like the way you say haven't progressed in their intellect since their teens.They've ceased learning They don't read, they don't travel abroad, never try anything risky. They are insignificant in the world outside of their isolated zones of familiarity. ......

    this is my sister to a tee ..... never being anywhere, never turned a rock over ..

    only problem now is she has finally found out about this thing called the internet ...... yep last year she got online and for someone like her the internet is dangerous, she shouldn't be allowed it, full stop ! all she has found on this internet thing is conspiracy theories, all this has done is foster her already vile negative impression of the world ....

    the information superhighway is a very bad thing for a person like her as she is now reading, now learning ... learning things like chemtrails and Michelle Obama is actually a man
    The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you.

  11. #11
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sydney View Post
    Ignorance towards family members and especially your kids, i haven't posted for a while but man this topic really annoys me !!!!!

    You say your family hasn't acknowledged him, does this include his parents ? hopefully not because what he has achieved here is amazing ...

    Is was probably about the 90's when we started to learn the benefits of positive reinforcement with children, and even as a 20 year old its still important .... it's 2016 so it makes me wonder which cave parents have being living in for the past 26 years to have missed this .....
    My brother, his father, brags upon him a lot on Facebook
    But unfortunately, my brother is am attention whore and only doing it to get praise.
    I was out with my nephew for lunch a couple months ago and I was saying how my brother has literally never once asked me how I was doing....never in my whole life.
    Everything is about him
    His son said the same thing.....he never asks about him

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sydney View Post
    Great post, like the way you say haven't progressed in their intellect since their teens.They've ceased learning They don't read, they don't travel abroad, never try anything risky. They are insignificant in the world outside of their isolated zones of familiarity. ......

    this is my sister to a tee ..... never being anywhere, never turned a rock over ..

    only problem now is she has finally found out about this thing called the internet ...... yep last year she got online and for someone like her the internet is dangerous, she shouldn't be allowed it, full stop ! all she has found on this internet thing is conspiracy theories, all this has done is foster her already vile negative impression of the world ....

    the information superhighway is a very bad thing for a person like her as she is now reading, now learning ... learning things like chemtrails and Michelle Obama is actually a man
    My sister is the worst.
    I love her dearly and have a great relationship with her but she is so ignorant on so many aspects of life.

    Here's one:
    My favorite nephew, the one who told Ao I am like his dad is a senior in high school next year.
    Seniors always have a senior trip and next year they going to Dominican Republic.
    She said he couldn't go....she didn't want him travelling outside the country.
    I told her it's ridiculous and his class is going.

    So I paid for the whole trip for him

    She said "The Uncle doesn't overrule the mom"
    I said "He does when the mom is being an idiot"


    I could go on and on.
    I love in NYC for 13 years, it is less than 4 hours car ride
    She came once in all those years

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    My brother, his father, brags upon him a lot on Facebook
    But unfortunately, my brother is am attention whore and only doing it to get praise.
    I was out with my nephew for lunch a couple months ago and I was saying how my brother has literally never once asked me how I was doing....never in my whole life.
    Everything is about him
    His son said the same thing.....he never asks about him

    ^^ Sad, very sad .... i wonder if your brother is similar to my ex's BIL in some areas of parenting .... this guy would always oneup his son .... i have literally seen this guy do the following, i will try to paint the picture best i can ..

    the whole family are visiting us from the UK, the son is a little shy, was about 12 yrs old at the time ..... the sort of kid that you try to encourage to speak when he does give it a go in front a few people - all family no strangers but still he is a little shy .... so he gets up and starts showing us a recording he did of himself playing the guitar, he is playing through this recording device he had, about 7 of us are all leaning in to hear it as he also starts to explain how he created the song .. Just as he is getting a little confidence from our acknowledgement of his piece, the egotistically self centered father interrupts and breaks the whole scene by showing us some his lastets gadget he had brought ..

    I was shocked, it was almost a jealously thing, that the son was getting more attention than him .... but why, it just makes no sense ....

    The son ended suffering really badly form compulsive disorders, depression and ended up suicidal ( not directly from his father alone i will say but not alot of help there )

    The son is now about 23, alot better, and is probably starting to work it out ....
    Last edited by Sydney; 27th June 2016 at 10:25.
    The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you.

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    My sister is the worst.


    She said "The Uncle doesn't overrule the mom"
    I said "He does when the mom is being an idiot"
    And the Dad ? and did he get to go ?

    My son is making another trip OS next year, last year he did some of SEA, next year he is starting in Vietnam, then India and ending up in Europe as he wants to work in Germany for a while

    To be honest i am nervous ... its a crazy notion i know, but the world is a little mad atm ..... the fact that i know he will be in nightclubs and seeing as many bands as he can in Europe is a little worrying, that is the hotbed for terrorism and will get worse before it gets better..

    But do i encourage him for this trip ? .... hell yeah !! .... living the dream son, living the dream
    The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sydney View Post
    ^^ Sad, very sad .... i wonder if your brother is similar to my ex's BIL .... this guy would always oneup his son .... i have literally seen this guy do the following, i will try to paint the picture best i can ..

    the whole family are visiting us from the UK, the son is a little shy, was about 12 yrs old at the time ..... the sort of kid that you try to encourage to speak when he does give it a go in front a few people - all family no strangers but still he is a little shy .... so he gets up and starts showing us a recording he did of himself playing the guitar, he is playing through this recording device he had, about 7 of us are all leaning in to hear it as he also starts to explain how he created the song .. Just as he is getting a little confidence from our acknowledgement of his piece, the egotistically self centered father interrupts and breaks the whole scene by showing us some his lastets gadget he had brought ..

    I was shocked, it was almost a jealously thing, that the son was getting more attention than him .... but why, it just makes no sense ....

    The son ended suffering really badly form compulsive disorders, depression and ended up suicidal ( not directly from his father alone i will say but not alot of help there )

    The son is now about 23, alot better, and is probably starting to work it out ....
    I got one for you.....it is a perfect example of how much of a crazy attention whore

    We had our wedding dinner in Toronto. My whole family and close friends
    About 20-25 of us.

    The 1st night we went out for Thai food (I won't get into my 2 sisters being so disrespectful and complaining about the food)

    Anyways, my brother picks up his phone in the middle of dinner and goes on and on.....is very thankful on the phone.

    He gets off the phone and announces he's been named "Limo driver of the year"
    My sister told me after she saw his phone and it wasn't even connected

    The lunatic was making it all up.
    I could go on and on about this self centered idiot

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    I got one for you.....it is a perfect example of how much of a crazy attention whore

    We had our wedding dinner in Toronto. My whole family and close friends
    About 20-25 of us.

    The 1st night we went out for Thai food (I won't get into my 2 sisters being so disrespectful and complaining about the food)

    Anyways, my brother picks up his phone in the middle of dinner and goes on and on.....is very thankful on the phone.

    He gets off the phone and announces he's been named "Limo driver of the year"
    My sister told me after she saw his phone and it wasn't even connected

    The lunatic was making it all up.
    I could go on and on about this self centered idiot
    No fuckin way .... how can he act that out and be convincing ? ...... acting out a call like that would actually be quite hard ...

    But he has a medical condition there, and probably should be seeking help, it must effect other parts of his life
    The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you.

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    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sydney View Post

    To be honest i am nervous ... its a crazy notion i know, but the world is a little mad atm ..... the fact that i know he will be in nightclubs and seeing as many bands as he can in Europe is a little worrying, that is the hotbed for terrorism and will get worse before it gets better..

    But do i encourage him for this trip ? .... hell yeah !! .... living the dream son, living the dream
    OMG Syd... you know how crazy this sounds? He is much more likely to be hurt travelling to the airport in Australia than he is in any club in Europe... there are thousands of clubs... the odds are likely millions to one... much less than the odds of a car accident... in Australia or travelling between venues... relax.... 55. Hell he is much more likely to be hurt or killed in the street by some random mugger.. so don't worry... 55

    He isn't going to Thailand is he? Tell him to avoid motorbike taxis...
    Last edited by Quarky; 27th June 2016 at 16:30.
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    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


  19. #19
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PeteGill's Avatar
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    My sister-in-law does the annual pilgrimage to the airport to collect me on my return from LOS. During the drive home she is full of questions and I don't hold too much back from her..

    I know that she would love to travel, but she unfortunately has a bad dose of flying phobia. She used to drive the 1500 odd kilometres between CT and Durban for her work conference's, but she does now just about manage short haul flights.. With the aid of sedatives. Perhaps she will one day be able to do long haul flights

    But she said to me on my last trip that I really should take their eldest son Michael with me some time. it could be fun showing him around, but a few days for him on the islands whilst Uncle Pete hits Pattaya may well be needed 555
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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    OMG Syd... you know how crazy this sounds? He is much more likely to be hurt travelling to the airport in Australia than he is in any club in Europe... there are thousands of clubs... the odds are likely millions to one... much less than the odds of a car accident... in Australia or travelling between venues... relax.... 55. Hell he is much more likely to be hurt or killed in the street by some random mugger.. so don't worry... 55

    He isn't going to Thailand is he? Tell him to avoid motorbike taxis...
    really you sure ? ... no way ... why didn't i think of this, geez i am dumb, i really need to think outside the box more hey ...5555






    its a crazy notion i know ... one more time for DP ... its a crazy notion i know ... wait i think he missed it better write it once more ..... its a crazy notion i know

    got it this time ? ..5555



    Quote Originally Posted by Sydney View Post

    To be honest i am nervous ... its a crazy notion i know, but the world is a little mad atm ..... the fact that i know he will be in nightclubs and seeing as many bands as he can in Europe is a little worrying, that is the hotbed for terrorism and will get worse before it gets better..

    But do i encourage him for this trip ? .... hell yeah !! .... living the dream son, living the dream
    The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you.

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