Phuket Taxi and Transfers

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 28
Like Tree17Likes

Thread: Sad enough to cry

  1. #1
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    20,597

    Sad enough to cry

    As some of you know, I have a sick lady friend who lives with her mother in a Thai village outside Phan... about 200 km north of Chiang Mai.

    Pui got sick about 4 months after I left Thailand in late March, 2014. When I first revisited her that November I didn't think she would live until Christmas, but after receiving a different medicine she gradually improved a bit. But, she would not leave her mother's home.

    It was then that I undertook a long slow process of bringing Pui back to the land of the living. A year ago I bought her a brand new cell phone and hooked her up with the internet. I also forced her to come on my motorbike with me and get her away from the house. I even rented a car and brought her back to Chiang Mai for a week so she could visit her old friends. It seemed like she was well on the way to recovery until about 3 or 4 months ago when all of a sudden her phone calls to me and her other friends ended. She also stopped visiting her neighbours that she had been visiting every day. However, I still phoned her every day, but I could tell something was wrong. I didn't find out until yesterday just what it was until when I rode up to see her.

    I Just got back from seeing Pui. I feel so sad I could cry. I was going to stay 2 or 3 days, but I just stayed one night and came back today.

    Pui is in a deep depression and will not smile or even look at anyone. She will not answer Questions. I sat for 2 hours with her looking at YouTube music on my phone. She did not comment but did look at the moving figures on the phone. I brought my lap top computer and showed her video of us together having a good time last January. But, she did not comment and finally just went back and laid on her bed. She won't even go out of her home.

    There is nothing more I can do. Tomorrow her cell phone contract finishes, so I can only phone her on her mother's simple clasp phone, and she can no longer use LINE or MESSENGER, or use FACEBOOK that before she used constantly.

    Pui's mother can not read or write, and she can not speak English, so I don't even know how to ask what the doctor said. Even Pui's daughter only phones once in a while, and she used to phone Pui every night.

    It is heart breaking to me. I only took 2 pictures and she has that same far away look in her eye as she did before when she first got sick.

    So Yah, I am feeling a little down right now. It's tough when you want to help someone and the person who needs it is refusing to help herself. I also wondered if she got a change in medication. She was really animated last February when I saw her. She was almost TOO animated and called me continually at home in Canada. She has now done a 100 percent reversal.

    I'm just glad I met the lady when she was well... even if it was only briefly for the three months we were living together. She was such a giving person who always thought of others before herself. Her mother is just the same, a lovely lady

  2. #2
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    10,321
    Although I don't have enough facts to really comment, I wouldn't label it depression but rather bereavement.
    Bereaved of perspective in life by a serious disease, combined with the feeling you no longer can give or add towards others..
    Even feeling to be a burden on everyone around you.

    You, as someone who cares, can go along with this feeling and accept her life has become worthless to her, in which case you can talk to her about how to end her suffering..
    Willingness to openly discuss this (even though illegal in Thailand) can open her up and give her a sense of choice, which for me would be important..

    Or you don't accept the feeling and isolation she is hiding in as you did last year..

    Either way, giving up is not the way to go! I understand your sadness and feeling of helplessness, but I think I know you well enough to assume you will be back in Phan next week or the week after..
    Quarky likes this.

  3. #3
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    20,356
    It's a tough break but you've done more than you needed or should be expected..........

    If you think about it, you don't know each other all that well(I believe?) so it may not be all that comfortable for her to go through something like this with anyone but her mom/family

    I know when I am sick, I don't want anyone near me

  4. #4
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    51,646
    I hope you can find out a bit more Ian. What medicine is she currently taking? If it's just a medication issue, then maybe you can still help?
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


  5. #5
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน OZZYGUY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Perth, Cebu, CNX
    Posts
    6,777
    Sad Ian but dont give up, if its depression sounds like her medication has changed. would be good if you could find out through the mother, is there someone that can talk hith the mother about it.

    In my expirence depressed people like to be left alone, but that is the worse thing.

    Not sure if I would let that phone contract expire, although she isnt using it much it may just add to the situation.

  6. #6
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน supersub's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    4,803
    Ian sorry to read this. Perhaps you could take someone there, who speaks thai, so they can translate for the Mum. At least then you will know what the doctor has said. Just a thought.

  7. #7
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    เชียงใหม่
    Posts
    18,932
    i recall Noi telling me that Ian's friend had brain cancer (meleng)?. don't think they'll be a lot he can do about that.
    FACE YOUR FEARS LIVE YOUR DREAMS

  8. #8
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน obes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Not there !
    Posts
    7,798
    Sorry to hear Ian - you do what you feel you have to do !

  9. #9
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Nth Brisbane Qld Aust.
    Posts
    12,799
    Very sorry to hear Ian, only you know what you can and can't do from here.

    I agree it could be a change in medication or maybe she has stopped taking it. that is common with mental illness's.

    i would be inclined to renew the phone or get a prepaid account just to be able to talk to her and the mother when you feel the need to.

    You at least can take comfort in that you did meet and take care of her, I remember the photo's of your room with all her things and her looking very happy.

    I know your pain and hope it subsides soon.

    Good luck mate.
    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

  10. #10
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    20,597
    Quote Originally Posted by supersub View Post
    Ian sorry to read this. Perhaps you could take someone there, who speaks thai, so they can translate for the Mum. At least then you will know what the doctor has said. Just a thought.
    That might be a good idea, SS.

    No, I'm NOT going to give up on her. I don't do that with true friends. Last time I had to physically pull her off the property to walk just 50 feet. Gradually I increased the distance and it seemed to give her a renewal of life. But, it was a two year process on my part before I could get her enjoying life again. I bring money to the family, of course, but money won't fix the problem.

    The one physical problem that Pui has is lack of balance, so she now has a cane. But millions of people use canes. I think that took a turn for the worse and what ever is causing it has come back and gotten worse. Pui was talking about going back to work until that happened. Now she is depressed knowing that can never happen again. Her old life as she knew it is finished forever. She is still a young woman and turns 40 on December 4. That is far too young to give up on life.

    I will try to think of something, even if it means physically picking her up and carrying her off the property... even if she protests. On this past trip she would not even go out of the home.

    I hate dumping this on the gang here, but it is tough wanting to do something and not being able to do it.

  11. #11
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Nomad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    lOZt
    Posts
    2,628
    Sorry to hear this Ian. I would encourage you to find out the underlying problem, as it may change your approach. E.g. if a long way down the path of a terminal illness, then it may be about making her comfortable, rather than getting her out and about.
    Quarky, jontymate, Zablive and 5 others like this.
    "Don't wait around for your life to happen to you. Find something that makes you happy and do it. Everything else is just background noise." George Mason

  12. #12
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Nth Brisbane Qld Aust.
    Posts
    12,799
    Quote Originally Posted by Ian Forbes View Post
    That might be a good idea, SS.

    No, I'm NOT going to give up on her. I don't do that with true friends. Last time I had to physically pull her off the property to walk just 50 feet. Gradually I increased the distance and it seemed to give her a renewal of life. But, it was a two year process on my part before I could get her enjoying life again. I bring money to the family, of course, but money won't fix the problem.

    The one physical problem that Pui has is lack of balance, so she now has a cane. But millions of people use canes. I think that took a turn for the worse and what ever is causing it has come back and gotten worse. Pui was talking about going back to work until that happened. Now she is depressed knowing that can never happen again. Her old life as she knew it is finished forever. She is still a young woman and turns 40 on December 4. That is far too young to give up on life.

    I will try to think of something, even if it means physically picking her up and carrying her off the property... even if she protests. On this past trip she would not even go out of the home.

    I hate dumping this on the gang here, but it is tough wanting to do something and not being able to do it.
    OK so you are not giving up, thats good.

    SO lets think of a plan of attack.........what about you take her best friend in Chang Mai with you to visit her. pay her friend for her time and she can act as an interpreter for you with the mother and maybe you need to go talk to the doctor at the same time to get all the information. them you will be able to make an educated assessment.

    If it is depression, I know what it is like, I spent those 4 years in the whitsundays basically locked in my unit. i rarely went out and just wanted to sleep and let time go by so I could die.

    Even now i still suffer the Black Dog, It's my day off, I should be doing things I need to do, shopping washing the car but I just want to go back to bed.
    I should be doing all sorts of things for work today but simply can't.

    Ian you have a great zest for life, just be a bit careful you don't overpower Pui.

    i would gee up the friend to do most of the pushing and you sit back a bit.

    Pui sees you as a successful well traveled older person, something she knows she will never become. This can pusher her deeper down.

    On the other hand the friend, talking to her in Thai, telling of her good AND Bad experiences, frustrations etc can hit a chord and may help her to talk and get involved a bit.

    Br the provider/backup/wingman you are and let the friend take the reigns.

    Good luck with it and don't worry about loading it on us here, that is what this forum is all about. support, help and information.
    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

  13. #13
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Zablive's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Phuket
    Posts
    9,708
    I immediately get an impression of "maleng" (Cancer) with remission then relapse.
    Take her friend up there, find out exactly what is wrong from the Doctor, because the approach to a terminal cancer is very different from a secondary depression.
    "Good intentions" can be very off the mark unless you have an accurate diagnosis from the Doctor (if he/she will give it to you, if you are not a direct relative).
    Last edited by Zablive; 16th November 2017 at 13:21.
    Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!

  14. #14
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    20,597
    Thanks for the advice, Zab and JC. I will see what I can do. Even Pui's mother is on my side. I can tell that just by her mother's reactions.

  15. #15
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Zablive's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Phuket
    Posts
    9,708
    Quote Originally Posted by Ian Forbes View Post
    Thanks for the advice, Zab and JC. I will see what I can do. Even Pui's mother is on my side. I can tell that just by her mother's reactions.
    Hire a car, have a prior appointment with the Dr., take her, her Mother and the translator.
    Ask for something in English.
    Ian Forbes likes this.
    Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!

  16. #16
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    เชียงใหม่
    Posts
    18,932
    Quote Originally Posted by Ian Forbes View Post
    Thanks for the advice, Zab and JC. I will see what I can do. Even Pui's mother is on my side. I can tell that just by her mother's reactions.
    wasn't it brain cancer or tumor?
    Noi spoke to her mother a couple of years back when you hadn't heard from her for 3 months? i walked into the DUP just after you had arrived from Canada and got Noi to speak to her mother..
    FACE YOUR FEARS LIVE YOUR DREAMS

  17. #17
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    20,597
    Quote Originally Posted by Moo Uaon View Post
    wasn't it brain cancer or tumor?
    Noi spoke to her mother a couple of years back when you hadn't heard from her for 3 months? i walked into the DUP just after you had arrived from Canada and got Noi to speak to her mother..
    That is what they originally thought, but I think the doctors changed their minds. I'm not sure if even the doctors know for sure. She had a brain scan of some sort about 3 years ago, but I couldn't read the report.

    And, there are doctors and then there are DOCTORS. I'm not sure if poor Thais get the best trained ones. I know two ex Thai girl friends of mine who died from simple, slow speed motorbike accidents. They died because the Thai doctor did not diagnose a head injury properly. A simple blood clot on the brain killed both girls about 14 hours after the accident. With a proper diagnosis and quick treatment they both should have lived.

  18. #18
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    51,646
    I don't suppose there is any way you could pay for an English speaking doctor to diagnose her.. so you know what you are dealing with? It could be any one of a number of neurological problems... and many are treatable.. or can be managed in certain ways. But if you don't know what it is, then what hope has she got? You mention balance and memory problems... which could indicate Alzheimers, Parkinsons or even ALS. All need different approaches. Or it could simply be an inner ear problem... and she is depressed because she thinks (possibly falsely) that she is going to die.

    A proper diagnosis that you understand Ian might help things. If she is as confused as you, then that's probably half the problem...
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


  19. #19
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    เชียงใหม่
    Posts
    18,932
    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    I don't suppose there is any way you could pay for an English speaking doctor to diagnose her.. so you know what you are dealing with? It could be any one of a number of neurological problems... and many are treatable.. or can be managed in certain ways. But if you don't know what it is, then what hope has she got? You mention balance and memory problems... which could indicate Alzheimers, Parkinsons or even ALS. All need different approaches. Or it could simply be an inner ear problem... and she is depressed because she thinks (possibly falsely) that she is going to die.

    A proper diagnosis that you understand Ian might help things. If she is as confused as you, then that's probably half the problem...
    there's a good grasp of English among local doctors and medical staff and they are usually fairly efficient at what they do. i'd suggest the breakdown is IF's lack of Thai.
    a visit to the hospital would probably see him more knowledgeable of whatever it is she is suffering from. that be up to her to do that in the end....or even a phone call to her doctor.
    Quarky likes this.
    FACE YOUR FEARS LIVE YOUR DREAMS

  20. #20
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    51,646
    Quote Originally Posted by Moo Uaon View Post
    there's a good grasp of English among local doctors and medical staff and they are usually fairly efficient at what they do. i'd suggest the breakdown is IF's lack of Thai.
    a visit to the hospital would probably see him more knowledgeable of whatever it is she is suffering from. that be up to her to do that in the end....or even a phone call to her doctor.
    Yeah maybe take a friend to interpret for Ian with the doctor... but I would have to know myself what the problem is before trying to do anything else.
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •