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Thread: Sawatdee Khrap...

  1. #1
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    Smile Sawatdee Khrap...

    Hello all,

    I would like to introduce myself.

    I first went to Thailand on holiday in 2014 and fell in love with the place (as many British men do).

    While over there, I met a Thai woman whom I seemed to fall in love with, and she with me.

    She said "I want a man to take care of me" which later proved to be quite a revealing statement.

    So, I said "Ok, if you come and live in England with me, I will take care of you, and also be able to give some money to your family".

    I told her I was not rich, but at that time earned a decent wage and was "rich" by Thai standards.

    Unfortunately her English was very poor so we were not able to communicate much. It later transpired that she had 3 kids by a genuinely rich Thai guy, who owned a chain of garages.

    The penny only slowly dropped that I wouldn't be able to support her in the manner that she'd become accustomed.

    OK, I guess this is already starting to feel like quite a familiar story... but there are a few twists.

    Basically, I won't go into too much detail just yet.

    I would really like to know if there is a such a thing as a "relationship counsellor" in Thailand, and is it possible to find one that speaks English?

    It's late, so that's all for now, but I did see it mentioned on another thread that a man in a similar position to mine had consulted a relationship counsellor out there.

    Many thanks all!

    I will look through the forums to see if I can help anyone else out, I realise this is a 2-way process

    All the best

    Cliff
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  2. #2
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน obes's Avatar
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    Welcome to the board Cliff.

    My recommendation = Run Cliff RUN !
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Tingtong's Avatar
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    Welcome Cliff,
    I dont think you need a Relationship Councilor ......Be cheaper to just re read your first post, all the answers seem to be there .
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    We are relationship counselors...... although my relationship is in flux 555

    But why the need for a relationship counselor?

    If a girl needs to be "taken care of" above your means

    A) she's not really into you for you
    B) it just won't work

    There's a thousand of girls looking for the same thing that don't need more than you can provide
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Bacon's Avatar
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    Welcome to the board. Hopefully you'll find some answers here.
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    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.


  6. #6
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    I see you are from Nottingham Cliff. Remember Robin Hood robbed from the rich... not to give to other rich...

    Hopefully you have lost that loving feeling and can enjoy Thailand again without this hanging over your head...

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    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
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    ...............
    Last edited by bacwaan; 21st September 2017 at 04:38.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
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    I'm in the get her a visa, latest smartphone & tablet merc,gold,posh clothes, trip to Paris,and nice apartment to live in camp
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    FACE YOUR FEARS LIVE YOUR DREAMS

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Bacon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moo Uaon View Post
    I'm in the get her a visa, latest smartphone & tablet merc,gold,posh clothes, trip to Paris,and nice apartment to live in camp
    You forgot implants.
    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.


  10. #10
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bacon View Post
    You forgot implants.
    Goes without saying though?
    FACE YOUR FEARS LIVE YOUR DREAMS

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Stillearly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moo Uaon View Post
    I'm in the get her a visa, latest smartphone & tablet merc,gold,posh clothes, trip to Paris,and nice apartment to live in camp
    +1 I can't believe there are so many cynics on here .... the course of true love never runs smooth....

    WTTB Cliff
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    We are relationship counsellors...... although my relationship is in flux 555

    But why the need for a relationship counsellor?

    If a girl needs to be "taken care of" above your means

    A) she's not really into you for you
    B) it just won't work

    There's a thousand of girls looking for the same thing that don't need more than you can provide
    Thanks, MarcTwoSix, for your quick response.

    I deliberately framed my first post to prompt the usual reaction of anybody who hears that I fell for and married a Thai lady.

    There's a well-rehearsed set of responses, and here's three samples, some of which have been expressed explicitly, and some implicitly (I think you'll know which are which):

    • "Yeah, Phuket eh? What a lad you are. Beware: they're all gold-digging whores"
    • "You reap what you sow"
    • "Why do you want to bring another immigrant into this overcrowded country? BREXIT!"
    • "Why don't you get yourself a nice English girl?"
    • "What are you doing chasing after some piece of tail who exploits your kindness, persistence and hard work, and only wants you for what she and her precious family can rinse out of you?"

    I'm here to tell you that, as Dr Ben Goldacre rightly points out "...it's a lot more complicated than that".

    I will give you a few bullet points, for the sake of succinctness:

    1 I met my wife in January 2016, in Phuket, where I was holidaying with a friend.

    2 She had been thrown out of the family home by her violent, drunken ex, with whom she has 3 kids (12, 14, and 16). She had been doing tourist work to earn some money. She is highly intelligent but very loathe to tell me about her schooling and her qualifications (why? ...she is the kind who likes to keep her partner guessing, sharp, and on their toes)

    4 It seems that she had chosen to work in Phuket to meet western tourists to improve her English, as she could not afford English lessons in Bangkok

    5 She wanted to meet an Englishman (not American, Canadian, South African or Australian)

    6 We both instantly connected on an intellectual and spiritual level despite the awful language barrier

    7 We were both tacitly and explicitly conscious that arriving where we could both live together and have enough to live on would take a lot of time and effort

    Firstly, I still love her very much and she still loves me very much. Our bond goes a whole lot deeper than the material realm. It's real "one in a billion" stuff.

    We were put on this earth for each other, and I am convinced of this fact, and she will become more convinced in time.

    The act of writing the above has given me a wealth of new insights. My perception is that I been lucky enough to meet one of the very few women on this planet capable of understanding me and my nature.

    She has transformed my life to such a positive extent that I am unrecognisable from the stupid, drunk, tactless idiot who inhabited my body up until recently.

    Any or all of the above assertions are up for debate, and I am willing to admit that I may be very, very wrong indeed.

    But our problem right now is a communication problem, more than a relationship problem.

    I need someone now with an intimate knowledge of the Thai mind, the Thai character and how to overcome the immense practical problems that crop up when one chases “The Thai Dream”.

    Thank you,

    ความสงบสุขและความรัก.

    Cliff

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    Thank you, StillEarly.

    I can see you look below the surface... :-)
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    Thanks Bacon.

    I have already learned a lot about my situation just by framing my thoughts in another reply.

    The mud will settle out of this aquarium we are all swimming in, and I can feel us seeing each other more and more clearly.

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    Thanks, that's a lot of people's advice, too.

    And I took it.

    And then, I thought again.

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    Good point, they proved to be the seeds of very rewarding internal dialogue, which I hope will continue on here.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clifford View Post
    Thanks, MarcTwoSix, for your quick response.

    I deliberately framed my first post to prompt the usual reaction of anybody who hears that I fell for and married a Thai lady.

    There's a well-rehearsed set of responses, and here's three samples, some of which have been expressed explicitly, and some implicitly (I think you'll know which are which):

    • "Yeah, Phuket eh? What a lad you are. Beware: they're all gold-digging whores"
    • "You reap what you sow"
    • "Why do you want to bring another immigrant into this overcrowded country? BREXIT!"
    • "Why don't you get yourself a nice English girl?"
    • "What are you doing chasing after some piece of tail who exploits your kindness, persistence and hard work, and only wants you for what she and her precious family can rinse out of you?"

    I'm here to tell you that, as Dr Ben Goldacre rightly points out "...it's a lot more complicated than that".

    I will give you a few bullet points, for the sake of succinctness:

    1 I met my wife in January 2016, in Phuket, where I was holidaying with a friend.

    2 She had been thrown out of the family home by her violent, drunken ex, with whom she has 3 kids (12, 14, and 16). She had been doing tourist work to earn some money. She is highly intelligent but very loathe to tell me about her schooling and her qualifications (why? ...she is the kind who likes to keep her partner guessing, sharp, and on their toes)

    4 It seems that she had chosen to work in Phuket to meet western tourists to improve her English, as she could not afford English lessons in Bangkok

    5 She wanted to meet an Englishman (not American, Canadian, South African or Australian)

    6 We both instantly connected on an intellectual and spiritual level despite the awful language barrier

    7 We were both tacitly and explicitly conscious that arriving where we could both live together and have enough to live on would take a lot of time and effort

    Firstly, I still love her very much and she still loves me very much. Our bond goes a whole lot deeper than the material realm. It's real "one in a billion" stuff.

    We were put on this earth for each other, and I am convinced of this fact, and she will become more convinced in time.

    The act of writing the above has given me a wealth of new insights. My perception is that I been lucky enough to meet one of the very few women on this planet capable of understanding me and my nature.

    She has transformed my life to such a positive extent that I am unrecognisable from the stupid, drunk, tactless idiot who inhabited my body up until recently.

    Any or all of the above assertions are up for debate, and I am willing to admit that I may be very, very wrong indeed.

    But our problem right now is a communication problem, more than a relationship problem.

    I need someone now with an intimate knowledge of the Thai mind, the Thai character and how to overcome the immense practical problems that crop up when one chases “The Thai Dream”.

    Thank you,

    ความสงบสุขและความรัก.

    Cliff
    Sorry man, but if you met a girl less than a year ago and you are discussing(I am sure it was all your idea, it always is 5555) how much she needs for you to support her..........your bond is not anymore deep than the money you can provide

    That does not mean a good,loving relationship can't grow out of it, but the biggest mistakes guys make is thinking they are the one.........you weren't and you aren't (neither was I)

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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    Sorry man, but if you met a girl less than a year ago and you are discussing(I am sure it was all your idea, it always is 5555) how much she needs for you to support her..........your bond is not anymore deep than the money you can provide

    That does not mean a good,loving relationship can't grow out of it, but the biggest mistakes guys make is thinking they are the one.........you weren't and you aren't (neither was I)
    What you say is true. I am not yet in a position to draw any conclusions.

    All I can say is that in the past 18 hours I have been through a mind-and-body epiphany that I have been waiting all my life for.

    If it's mania, it's a very happy one, and I think it's got legs. . . .

    But I've just come out of over sixty years of depression, and it feels like I'm being reborn.

    There have been false rebirths before, maybe, but none that felt this good.

  19. #19
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clifford View Post
    What you say is true. I am not yet in a position to draw any conclusions.

    All I can say is that in the past 18 hours I have been through a mind-and-body epiphany that I have been waiting all my life for.

    If it's mania, it's a very happy one, and I think it's got legs. . . .

    But I've just come out of over sixty years of depression, and it feels like I'm being reborn.

    There have been false rebirths before, maybe, but none that felt this good.
    Honestly, and I don't mean to be so cynical..........every single guy I've seen talk like this gets either screwed over or taken to the cleaners

    I'd suggest just stepping back from infatuation and being a bit more practical
    You haven't even known this person for a year.............they just possibly can't be all that to you in such a short period of time...............especially when her express purpose was to find someone to take care of her(there is nothing wrong with that, but definitely a mind frame)

    Again, I am in no way saying this can't be an incredible, loving relationship but I honestly think you are way too infatuated and wrapped up in it all, and that can lead to ignore a lot of warning signs

    I definitely think you should pursue the relationship, I would just put the brakes on it a bit and just have a bit more perspective, that's all
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    Honestly, and I don't mean to be so cynical..........every single guy I've seen talk like this gets either screwed over or taken to the cleaners

    I'd suggest just stepping back from infatuation and being a bit more practical
    You haven't even known this person for a year.............they just possibly can't be all that to you in such a short period of time...............especially when her express purpose was to find someone to take care of her(there is nothing wrong with that, but definitely a mind frame)

    Again, I am in no way saying this can't be an incredible, loving relationship but I honestly think you are way too infatuated and wrapped up in it all, and that can lead to ignore a lot of warning signs

    I definitely think you should pursue the relationship, I would just put the brakes on it a bit and just have a bit more perspective, that's all
    Thanks again.

    You are permitted to be sceptical and even critical, but cynicism is something we get on a daily basis from the government, and I'd prefer that you checked it in at the door :-)

    I have known her for over 18 months, not a year.

    Her family is not some malignant, shadowy influence in the background, I met them, at their worst and best, one year ago.

    They basically gave me the cold shoulder, and made it very clear to me that "it is Isaan tradition to give Sinsod, to give money, you're here to give us money".

    They had been giving me the cold shoulder because I only had literally, 6,000 baht to give her mother. I told them this was a temporary situation and that things would improve.

    My wife said nothing through all of this. I was smiling at them (in bemused incredulity) but hardly got a smile in return.

    When we left the village, my wife was back to her normal, loving self. She believed me, and that was good enough for her, and good enough for her mother (the one that counts).

    So, few words were said, and I got the message, thoroughly. It was their smokescreen, first layer. The second layer is translucent, and I'm gradually working out what's going on.

    I might add that her brother is a priest (and music teacher!), in a Christian church in Udon Thani.

    Her uncle married us, on 28 December la year, in a Christian ceremony in her mother's house in the house she grew up in.

    I thought it was a fantastic wedding, and better than what you'd pay 30 times the price for in the UK.

    Yes, I can hear people thinking "too soon to marry". and I needed more time, and for the second time in my life I had been rushed into it, but this time not by my wife.

    It was down to some wrong information I'd been given by a visa lawyer here in the UK, who had told us that the only way into the UK was via a Spouse Visa.

    This was down to the fact that she'd been denied a Tourist Visa back last April. It's a long story, but the person who had been "helping" her apply for the visa deliberately screwed it up so she'd be denied.

    She was distraught.

    I know he disapproved of her meeting a farang.
    Last edited by Clifford; 21st September 2017 at 03:14.

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