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Thread: Sending Money Back To Her Family

  1. #1
    flynn
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    Sending Money Back To Her Family

    Hi All

    Just wondering what your thoughts are on sending money back to your Thai partners family in Thailand? My partner used to work in BKK and would send as much money as she could back to her mum after her own living expenses. As a result she never really had much savings when she came to Au. I understand that it is Thai culture for the children to support the parents in thier old age. In Au its the other way around all the oldies have all the money :-) so dont usually need the support of the kids and infact the oldies usually help the kids.

    Does anyone kick any money back to the family in Thailand? I understand this is a personal question so you can flame me if you think its inappropriate I can take the heat :-)

    My partner had a job for a while here in Au but the pay was pretty bad and it wasnt worth the drive so we decided to let the job go and I pay her a weekely stipend and she uses some of that to send home and the rest for her own expenses. She sends about $250AU per month back home.

    Am I being to cheap? Or is this to much? What arrangemetns has anyone else got?

    I looked at the average monthly wage for Thai people and this is about the average for one months work so I think I am being generous but would love to hear others peoples thoughts or comments?

    Flynn

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    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    No i think a fair question and one that must be embraced to some degree or another.
    250 i think is a fair amount but this could be to much for some.
    300 for us mostly paid by Mrs W as she tends to just give me her wage when she works.
    This looks after her child and her mum.
    .

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    My situation is this.. Thip doesn't work yet in Oz but I understand that when she does that she will want to send some cash home.. I'm not opposed to this in the slightest, we will obviously negotiate an amount and try stick with it while trying to stop her from sending large amounts home for the supposed emergencies... Thip has a son that lives with her ex-inlaws and she is also required to send money to them, they bought a new motorbike as soon as I was on the scene and to be honest I cant afford to pay for it even if I wanted to...
    I have a few Thai Farang friends and they all seem to say that it doesn't take long for the TG to realise the value and effort she has to put into earning money here, and as soon as this is realised the more conservative the payments become..

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flynn View Post
    Hi All

    Just wondering what your thoughts are on sending money back to your Thai partners family in Thailand? My partner used to work in BKK and would send as much money as she could back to her mum after her own living expenses. As a result she never really had much savings when she came to Au. I understand that it is Thai culture for the children to support the parents in thier old age. In Au its the other way around all the oldies have all the money :-) so dont usually need the support of the kids and infact the oldies usually help the kids.

    Does anyone kick any money back to the family in Thailand? I understand this is a personal question so you can flame me if you think its inappropriate I can take the heat :-)

    My partner had a job for a while here in Au but the pay was pretty bad and it wasnt worth the drive so we decided to let the job go and I pay her a weekely stipend and she uses some of that to send home and the rest for her own expenses. She sends about $250AU per month back home.

    Am I being to cheap? Or is this to much? What arrangemetns has anyone else got?

    I looked at the average monthly wage for Thai people and this is about the average for one months work so I think I am being generous but would love to hear others peoples thoughts or comments?

    Flynn
    Firstly Flynn,
    No one here will "Flame" you if you have a question you need help with.

    I personly think what you are sending is very balanced, but it does depend on all the different circumstances.

    It depends on her family financial situation, what she was contributing to it, and how you are financially.

    To give some perspective, a BG that doesn't go with customers, will get 7k and tips a month. That means working 29 day/nights a month 3pm till 5am.

    If you are giving her, $250/ 7.500bt to send to her family, then they should be happy, if she is happy being with you.

    Just my 2 c worth

    If she was working in the field's, 100 bt a day, so 3k a month.

  5. #5
    flynn
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    Thanks for the feedback so far!

  6. #6
    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flynn View Post
    Hi All

    Just wondering what your thoughts are on sending money back to your Thai partners family in Thailand? My partner used to work in BKK and would send as much money as she could back to her mum after her own living expenses. As a result she never really had much savings when she came to Au. I understand that it is Thai culture for the children to support the parents in thier old age. In Au its the other way around all the oldies have all the money :-) so dont usually need the support of the kids and infact the oldies usually help the kids.

    Does anyone kick any money back to the family in Thailand? I understand this is a personal question so you can flame me if you think its inappropriate I can take the heat :-)

    My partner had a job for a while here in Au but the pay was pretty bad and it wasnt worth the drive so we decided to let the job go and I pay her a weekely stipend and she uses some of that to send home and the rest for her own expenses. She sends about $250AU per month back home.

    Am I being to cheap? Or is this to much? What arrangemetns has anyone else got?

    I looked at the average monthly wage for Thai people and this is about the average for one months work so I think I am being generous but would love to hear others peoples thoughts or comments?

    Flynn
    Hi Flynn, WTTB.

    No. Nothing cheap about giving a family an adult's wage every month - makes the difference for them between living and surviving - and keeps the Missus happy.

    Mrs M was earning around 12,000 baht a month ($A400) when I met her. Same as you I knew the score and was happy to kick in at least what she had been giving her family each month before I met her.

    Early years here in Oz the only job she could get were ones that IMO were not worth having (who wants their sweet little TG picking strawberries in the WA heat?).

    Everything you have said sounds reasonable to me - we send Mrs M's family around the same as you each month.

    IMHO genuine Thai families don't take the p:ss and treat the farang as a lotto win.

    (You'll have to do better than this if you want to get flamed on this board LOL...)

    Enjoy
    Life is the unexpected ...

  7. #7
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    Hi Flynn, WTTB.

    We also send money back about AUD300.00 a month. The deal is in return there is no invented stories to save face. I will occasionally send extra say anther $50-100 when it is not expected. This goes along way in the eyes of TG's Family.

    One thing that is not often mentioned is some of this money continues up the ancestral line. MIL then gives(manages) money to take care of grandma.

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    Foundation Member Cadet Gold
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    A different perspective from a Thai female (old Stickman submission):

    What We Think are Mistakes Western Men Make with Thai Women

    "Thai people have a saying that goes something like, girls marry “out”, boys marry “in.” When a daughter is married to her husband, she moves out and will be taking care of her husband, and husband’s parents. But when a son is married, the parents get the in-law to take care of them. The dowry is what you pay the parents to ‘release’ the girl from them. You acknowledge the good deed the parents have done raising your woman, and from the marriage onwards, you’ll be in charge taking care of her only, not her family."
    "Do not be afraid of death. Be afraid of the half-lived life!" Laird Hamilton

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน G4orce's Avatar
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    I currently have my GF her with me and she is a strong believer in sending money home to the family. She would do it while in LOS and now that she is not working i understand that she is unable to do so. She actually told her mum she would be unable to send money while away and the Mother was fine with that as she has 3 other children who can help her. I turned around and told my GF I would be happy to help out and send her mother money while she was here. I am now sending money monthly to her. I was willing to send her $AU250 - 300 a month but Noy told me to only send 3000B and then give the rest of the money to her which she will give to her mother when she is back in the country. There are a few family issues with money at the moment so Noy wants to be there to watch what the mum is spending her money on.

    Noy has always been understanding of the costs of things here and that it is very different to when i am in LOS and able to spend up. So she is very portective of my money now and doesn't. Since being here She won $215 on the pokies and my mum gives her $50 a week to clean the house. She puts it away and will not spend, as I look after anything she needs. She said she plans of putting half of what she has (at the end of her TV) in her saving account and then give the rest for to her mum.

  10. #10
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minder View Post
    Mrs M was earning around 12,000 baht a month ($A400) when I met her. Same as you I knew the score and was happy to kick in at least what she had been giving her family each month before I met her.

    Early years here in Oz the only job she could get were ones that IMO were not worth having (who wants their sweet little TG picking strawberries in the WA heat?).
    This post speaks to me. Some may have seen the rant I put on another forum about the way TG are treated at "Work" here in WA. Even the cleaners have a "Pecking order" and guess who gets the lowest jobs on the totem pole.
    Here they give you a badge showing you have completed the non-existent safety training course just before they drop you in the deep end and hope you can swim and will somehow survive the chemical burns. Mining boom my arse....

    We went for the interview when completing the Free english course and speaking of assistance with employment it was suggested that she could "Work in a thai restaurant..." (Been there done that). You can't even get jack **** without a "Jobseeker number". Anyhoo...the upshot is that she works for me now.

    But seriously, we send money back for the family according to our means. If we haven't got the money she tells them and thats it till next time. I will be buying a motorbike for mum and dad in the next couple of months, but only because the old one is an antique and is on life support. Unfortunately they will just have to put up with the neighbours showing off their new car for a bit longer.("Your daughter marry falang how come you dont get car and house...yet"...blah...blah.)

    Keeping it Happy
    And where the hell was Biggles.....?....when you needed him last Saturday....?

  11. #11
    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post
    This post speaks to me. Some may have seen the rant I put on another forum about the way TG are treated at "Work" here in WA. Even the cleaners have a "Pecking order" and guess who gets the lowest jobs on the totem pole.
    Here they give you a badge showing you have completed the non-existent safety training course just before they drop you in the deep end and hope you can swim and will somehow survive the chemical burns. Mining boom my arse....

    We went for the interview when completing the Free english course and speaking of assistance with employment it was suggested that she could "Work in a thai restaurant..." (Been there done that). You can't even get jack **** without a "Jobseeker number". Anyhoo...the upshot is that she works for me now.

    But seriously, we send money back for the family according to our means. If we haven't got the money she tells them and thats it till next time. I will be buying a motorbike for mum and dad in the next couple of months, but only because the old one is an antique and is on life support. Unfortunately they will just have to put up with the neighbours showing off their new car for a bit longer.("Your daughter marry falang how come you dont get car and house...yet"...blah...blah.)

    Keeping it Happy
    I quite like Joys thoughts on money to home from the point of view of, yes we will send some but we will not support a village.
    She has brothers and sisters who need to show some support as well.
    If they want farang money go and marry one...

    On employment here Thai resturant so far has not been so much fun from the point of veiw of exploitation.
    Joy has a plan and will train herself up as she can see a better future for herself...us.
    But i do not want her being looked down upon and would rather she not have to do work where she is treated like cr@p.
    .

  12. #12
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    Don't mean to pour cold water on Joys plans Scotty, she deserves to be treated well as does anyone employed.
    Best to work in twos with thai friend, helps deflect some of the negatives in the workplace.

    Just had a friend come back from 6 weeks in the village. Bought a million baht pad and spent a shedload on top of that.
    Thing is, he's just a normal employed working guy. No idea how he can do it.
    And where the hell was Biggles.....?....when you needed him last Saturday....?

  13. #13
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post
    Don't mean to pour cold water on Joys plans Scotty, she deserves to be treated well as does anyone employed.
    Best to work in twos with thai friend, helps deflect some of the negatives in the workplace.

    Just had a friend come back from 6 weeks in the village. Bought a million baht pad and spent a shedload on top of that.
    Thing is, he's just a normal employed working guy. No idea how he can do it.
    The best in the village thing gets to me. I am never asked but I am shown. Same thing I guess. Dao is on the way to get into the childcare industry. After all she will go through and study, End result is crap money.

    I think one of the hardest things to overcome for my TG is once they get here that the lack of education hits again coupled with the TG stigma. Even though there are laws for equality.

    What is quickly realized is Australia is still Xenophobic. I mean I grew up in this country where Catholics and Anglicans through stones at each other as infants. I did not know why we hated the other they were just different.

    What I also know is that once Dao gets some traction there will be no stopping her. It is always in the back in my mind that when this happens I may become Superfluous (My own insecurities).

    Time will only tell on that front, but from the interaction I see with my children and her contributions to their welfare puts my mind at ease.

    That saving face and keeping up with the Jones' works for my kids. When I say no to the kids latest "fad" they con Dao into it.

    I keep a fairly open book with Dao and financials as I do with Business.

    Understanding all the real costs to get to EBIT and then the budget for the things out of your control.

    The point I hope to share is most Thai Families are not money hungry. The more your TG really understands how the western world works the more she can explain back. ( The fact that a part of our income is invested for their old age, not in a new Toyota)

    Once I was confident in explaining the stock market to Dao she came up with a comment.

    If everyone make money for not doing work. One day it is broken.

    How simple is that statement. Eg USA Economy.
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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    The point I hope to share is most Thai Families are not money hungry. The more your TG really understands how the western world works the more she can explain back. ( The fact that a part of our income is invested for their old age, not in a new Toyota)

    .
    Very good point JM, TG here now. In the few days whilst out and about, she is continually converting our price for products into baht, and realising this is no cheap place to live. When we we were in LOS together it was free wheeling on holiday, so her perspective was only seeing Westerners burn money up whilst away, so the initial stage that was her thinking (endless supply), but I think she will come to realise real soon, and pass on the word 555

    In saying that in jest, TG's Mum's home is in part completion, and without a Husband to support her anymore, and seeing how family orientated TG is, and knowing how much this was getting her down, I was only to happy to help, but did not realise how much still to do, but have said I have to now pay some of my bills of my own, and help TG send some money for Mum to live on. When I go back in October I will have a look at the house myself and then we can discuss what is needed. (Sounds like hot water for a start if I'm staying 555)
    Last edited by Arliss Michaels; 20th July 2011 at 19:15.
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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    What I also know is that once Dao gets some traction there will be no stopping her.
    An Inch of traction is worth a mile of momentum

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    Very good point JM, TG here now. In the few days whilst out and about, she is continually converting our price for products into baht, and realising this is no cheap place to live. When we we were in LOS together it was free wheeling on holiday, so her perspective was only seeing Westerners burn money up whilst away, so the initial stage that was her thinking (endless supply), but I think she will come to realise real soon, and pass on the word 555

    In saying that in jest, TG's Mum's home is in part completion, and without a Husband to support her anymore, and seeing how family orientated TG is, and knowing how much this was getting her down, I was only to happy to help, but did not realise how much still to do, but have said I have to now pay some of my bills of my own, and help TG send some money for Mum to live on. When I go back in October I will have a look at the house myself and then we can discuss what is needed. (Sounds like hot water for a start if I'm staying 555)
    I remember Thips first conversion, a bag of rice... "How falang pay 650bht for rice, next time I bring rice from Thailand".........

    You get used to the cold shower pretty quick! 555

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    I forgot to mention in above post that I had spoken to TG's sisters and Mum prior to assisting and they were very friendly and I think geniuinely happy their Sister/Daughter had a nice man 555, but since then, been able to do some more with the house, I have found that when speaking to them, that they are very appreciative and maybe drawing a long bow here, but give me the respect of almost one of the family, which also make me feel good, as knowing how close TG is to her family, I must embrace them all.

    TG told me the other day that her older Brother said, AM must be good man to you Sister, as you are very fussy with Men that is why you not married. 555
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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    AM if I had your attitude in the beginning I would have saved myself many a heartache. I have only ever been asked for money once. My uncle(in-law) lets just say was a very bad man. He needed 30,000 Baht for a get out of jail free card.

    The family forced him to make merit at the temple everyday and talk with the monks for a year. He can never repay the money. He has a family to take care of.

    Every time I am at the village uncle is by my side. He drives me everywhere. He takes me out. He repays me with respect and gratitude. Dao explained it as gat dtan yuu. He is eternally indebted to me and Dao's family.

    He wants to help me for a good feeling in his heart.

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    AM if I had your attitude in the beginning I would have saved myself many a heartache. I have only ever been asked for money once. My uncle(in-law) lets just say was a very bad man. He needed 30,000 Baht for a get out of jail free card.

    The family forced him to make merit at the temple everyday and talk with the monks for a year. He can never repay the money. He has a family to take care of.

    Every time I am at the village uncle is by my side. He drives me everywhere. He takes me out. He repays me with respect and gratitude. Dao explained it as gat dtan yuu. He is eternally indebted to me and Dao's family.

    He wants to help me for a good feeling in his heart.
    Thanks JM, but I am definatley learning on my feet as I go. It took me a little while to understand that, and in particular one long night on Skype, when talking about the house, the future, the expectations, I read it all wrong, and as wrong as I was then, at the time thought TG is a bit demanding. But after the cool down period, I went back and re read the conversation (4 hours) a few times with a much clearer head and could see where she was coming from, in particular with the Mum's house, that it was needed now for her Mum who is in her late 60's and no good in 5 or 10 years time, as she has worked hard all her life, bared double figure kids, lost her husband and is entitled to some comforts in her life now. After seeing this, how could I not help, if this is the girl I want to be with.

    The word "gat dtan yu" cracks many mentions in the book Thailand Fever.
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  20. #20
    fratech68
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    Touchy subject & very hard to discuss i wish there was an easy answer . I sent very little as most of my money has gone to the visa ,however when she comes & works in aus she can send money .. If i can help i will but as everyone knows how expensive living is back home ... 1 of the roads we will cross upon arrival in Aus

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