Fight or flight

[wabbits]

[SIZE=3]When we are in a relationship we tend to put on a number of faces when we talk about our ladies girlfriend, wife or otherwise.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]We quite often don’t talk about the bad..hard or uncomfortable bits.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]We are all human and as such are in no way perfect. Hardly any revelations here.555[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]What I thought might be relevant would be to talk about conflict and how we deal with it.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Now every TG or just any woman is different, if you can find two the same I would doubt your word.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]The thing is I have found all the rules for fighting just don’t apply and that quite often I am at a loss as to what to do.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Have spoken with a few BM’s as to how they deal with these inevitable situations and am adapting.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]What I have found is I tend to just go boom and spew forth what I feel in a rush loudly and strongly…To strong for a TG who has never had to deal with this.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Conversely silent or verbal spewing and quick flashes to anger are the norm for some TG’s.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]I always react with equality of volume as I may have in the past in a farang relationship.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]It just does not work….but changing behavior a life time learned is not so easy.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]Was told by a mentor many years ago that no person can effect your emotions only you yourself can….I find myself clinging to this at times of need as my emotional ship descends the depths.555[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]I am developing strategies that mostly work for me now.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]What I thought might be good is to know how others deal with this part of life.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]Have you found it hard?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]A deal breaker?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]Been able to shrug it off and if so how?[/SIZE]

[bacwaan]

best advice I can offer is don't flash....think about what the real issue is as it is often not what is being discussed but something weighing on her mind which is completely unrelated...calm down....think your response through and then ask gentle questions..you may tease the real issue out...but probably not 555

[wabbits]

best advice I can offer is don't flash....think about what the real issue is as it is often not what is being discussed but something weighing on her mind which is completely unrelated...calm down....think your response through and then ask gentle questions..you may tease the real issue out...but probably not 555

This seems to be a theme i have found also.....Which is why i think i get blind sided as the issue might be days old but its in there festering....I have found that in my case if she has something in her mind it will eventually come out and the real issue is well buried.

Maybe thats why Thai guys just sit there, they are confused and thinking what the fark and by the time they are no longer speechless the issue is passed.5555

[Changone]

Oh Wabbs...you are trying to understand women again. I'm sure you know this is impossible.

As men we tend towards finding solutions to issues that are bothering us, or people close to us.

Women on the other hand like to wallow in an issue and let it marinate for a while to see where it takes them. Often the issue will just blow away by itself.

Watching someone close to them wallowing in this way without knowing why, drives men crazy and conflict can arise just because we wade in and try to fix things which they don't want fixed. As they are already in the mood for a fight and we just offer ourselves up who can blame them? Then we end up wondering what the fight was all about and why we just can't win.

The better path is to try to distract them from the wallowing behaviour by engaging in conversation about something else non threatening and then continue to listen for any clues about what is on their mind. If the penny does drop, whatever you do don't say "AHA! I know what the problem is!!" because they already expect that you should know and you will instantly be back to square one.

If they want anything DONE they will eventually ask you to do it.

[SIZE="1"]Important disclaimer
I still don't really know anything much about women except that they are different to us[/SIZE]

[jontymate]

Yes still very much a Mars and Venus thing with the added barrier of culture and language.

We have walked out on each other many times. I guess what bought us back to communicate was the time and energy invested and dare I say losing face on both sides for a failure.

Then when the soft comunication was done we understood each other alot better. We both continued to make the same errors but over time they become less.

The flip side to after learning all this it was even easier to push the wrong buttons in anger.

We pull in the same direction more then we pull against each other.

Accept the things I cannot change like the fact she is a girl and then add Thai

Courage to change the things I can like only myself and my perceptions.

The wisdom to know the difference. That is just plain hard work to acquire.