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Thread: Baggage ... will YOUR kids be a problem?

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Baggage ... will YOUR kids be a problem?

    Looking over the history of about a dozen farang guy Thai girl couples I know or have known, one thing that seems to have often caused more friction than expected has been the guys dealings with his own adult children – the ”kids” from his previous marriage.

    Your ex-wife and the TG family (even her children) and the associated baggage these two bring – well, this seems to be expected by each party, a known part of the deal that has been made… Some dramas but nothing that is really left field and unexpected…

    However, time and again I have seen some real unexpected issues develop between the two over his dealings with his children - usually his sons - things like how much money he sends or spends on them .... the perceived priority he gives them over her etc

    Thoughts anyone?
    Life is the unexpected ...

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Never received any money from my dad. Maybe I should ask... 555

    Sorry... I know I don't belong in this thread... oops... non
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    All is well with Thip and I at the moment, I dont expect her to take on the motherly role of my kids even though she seems to have.... I have a Pommy mate with a Thai wife here in Oz and she has brought over her 14yr old son and he is getting the usual "your not my Dad" remarks, but I would expect this sought of comment from most 14yr olds with their step parents....
    The only money issues I've had was when Thips ex inlaws started asking that we contribute to the motorbike re-payments.... put my foot down on that one!
    Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer.

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    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    [SIZE=3]Rears its head from time to time mostly when I least expect it…..[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]I think from a Thai point of view Farang some kids can be seen as lazy demanding and money hungry…..##[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]Mrs W complains that my daughter only calls when she needs money…HELLO….Girl…Teen!![/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]have explained that this is not so unusual....yea good luck with that one.55555[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3]But I think the bigger part of this is that they can be seen as tools for the ex to use against me.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]I think this can be a point of resentment a link to a past they not want you to have maybe.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3]Have tried dealing with this and not telling Mrs W tried doing it and talking to Mrs W first.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]Neither works well is a bug bear……$$$[/SIZE]
    .

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    I don't have much Thai experience here, but I do know in all my past relationships, farang, the current wife/girlfriend is ususlly seening herself as needing to protect me. to stop me being manipulated by an xe who is using th kids etc.

    I think also that she is trying to protect her future as well. If I give too much away, there will be less for her and I.

    On the other side, the ex is seeing me happy again, and thinks I will leave out the kids in any will or financial arrangement, maybe she isn't seeing anyone, or at least not happily, this makes her want to be in charge and get on top of me.

    The current one worries I will spend too much or be lured back to where once I was happy. The ex sees me happy and herself loosing any control that she built up over many years (God what if they have children and he forgets mine?)

    And of course there is the ex thinking you left me and I have had to suffer, do this and that, giveup this and that, I want you to hurt too.
    Spot and Cilla like this.
    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    Had an interesting one last weekend or it was more frustrating.... My Ex has been having the kids consistently every second week for the last couple of months, I asked Thip if she wanted to come with me to pick them up as it's about 45min away "No I not come to ex's house, I never want to see ex!!".... Well I was on my way back (about 10min from home) and my phone rang... It was Thip... "why you not answer your phone" in a stern voice, well I had been travelling along a back road that is known for being a black spot with phone reception and that was obviously when she'd been trying to call.... I got home and the reception I received was cold, I tried to explain my responsibility that I owe my kids to keep the contact between them and their mother ongoing and also the fact that where I was driving there is no phone reception..... We yelled at each other for a good 1/2hr before things simmered down, I found it easier the following day to explain my connection with my Ex and the kids and the important fact that she is clearly just an ex
    Spot and Cilla like this.
    Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer.

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    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatongBeachBoy View Post
    Had an interesting one last weekend or it was more frustrating.... My Ex has been having the kids consistently every second week for the last couple of months, I asked Thip if she wanted to come with me to pick them up as it's about 45min away "No I not come to ex's house, I never want to see ex!!".... Well I was on my way back (about 10min from home) and my phone rang... It was Thip... "why you not answer your phone" in a stern voice, well I had been travelling along a back road that is known for being a black spot with phone reception and that was obviously when she'd been trying to call.... I got home and the reception I received was cold, I tried to explain my responsibility that I owe my kids to keep the contact between them and their mother ongoing and also the fact that where I was driving there is no phone reception..... We yelled at each other for a good 1/2hr before things simmered down, I found it easier the following day to explain my connection with my Ex and the kids and the important fact that she is clearly just an ex
    Been there done that and there is no reasoning in anyway shape or form which i find the most frustrating thing...Its stuff i would not have even thought about...
    Done the yelling does not work been quiet but this does not work though it is quicker.555555
    .

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wabbits View Post
    Been there done that and there is no reasoning in anyway shape or form which i find the most frustrating thing...Its stuff i would not have even thought about...
    Done the yelling does not work been quiet but this does not work though it is quicker.555555
    Thip accused me of "you boom boom with ex".... I asked her when she called me "10min ago"... "well I must have the biggest d!ck on the planet seeing she lives 45min away"
    Spot likes this.
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    RIP Cilla (Craig) Platinum Cilla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wabbits View Post
    Been there done that and there is no reasoning in anyway shape or form which i find the most frustrating thing...Its stuff i would not have even thought about...
    Done the yelling does not work been quiet but this does not work though it is quicker.555555
    Oh great, all the fun things I have to look forward to.....

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    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatongBeachBoy View Post
    Thip accused me of "you boom boom with ex".... I asked her when she called me "10min ago"... "well I must have the biggest d!ck on the planet seeing she lives 45min away"
    Bragger
    .

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    RIP Cilla (Craig) Platinum Cilla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatongBeachBoy View Post
    "I must have the biggest d!ck on the planet"
    To much information....

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wabbits View Post
    [SIZE=3]Rears its head from time to time mostly when I least expect it…..[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]I think from a Thai point of view some Farang kids can be seen as lazy demanding and money hungry…..##[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]Mrs W complains that my daughter only calls when she needs money…[/SIZE]
    One example where I am on the side of the new wife - He has three adult children and a new Thai wife (three years or so now) - the daughter takes care of herself and asks for and gets zip from Dad - the two boys are in and out of jobs, always in debt and constantly seeking assistance from the Bank of Dad - he pays their mobile phone bills, "loans" them cash and constantly gives them things such as food and beer when they come to "visit" (aka deliver their latest request for assistance). Recently Dad purchased a vehicle outright for one son to get work as a delivery driver/courier - son got sacked/quit/decided he did not like it after about a month - then son "sold" the van to his father for 5k (I sh:t you not!)

    The old saying about give your kids enough to do something but not enough to do nothing comes to mind.
    Last edited by Minder; 9th March 2012 at 15:50.
    Life is the unexpected ...

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    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cilla View Post
    Oh great, all the fun things I have to look forward to.....
    Like a lamb to the slaughter.5555555
    .

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatongBeachBoy View Post
    Thip accused me of "you boom boom with ex".... I asked her when she called me "10min ago"... "well I must have the biggest d!ck on the planet seeing she lives 45min away"
    I think the only way I would want to "boom boom" my ex now is with both barrels of a shottie....

    ...and Mrs M has never showed much interest in my ex-farang girlfriends - those two or three who filled the space between the ex-wife and her - and the occassional photo or other evidence that she has found forgotten in a cupboard drawer - on the surface at least - has raised little more than a yawn. ....

    However a detailed explanation was needed for the equally long forgotten polaroid taken in Walking Street Pattaya with a TG - somehow THAT was different.

    Enjoy.
    jontymate likes this.
    Life is the unexpected ...

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    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minder View Post
    One example where I am on the side of the new wife - He has three adult children and a new Thai wife (three years or so now) - the daughter takes care of herself and asks for and gets zip from Dad - the two boys are in and out of jobs, always in debt and constantly seeking assistance from the Bank of Dad - he pays their mobile phone bills, "loans" them cash and constantly gives them things such as food and beer when they come to "visit" (aka deliver their latest request for assistance). Recently Dad purchased a vehicle outright for one son to get work as a delivery driver/courier - son got sacked/quit/decided he did not like it after about a month - then son "sold" the van to his father for 5k (I sh:t you not!)

    The old saying about give your kids enough to do something but not enough to do nothing comes to mind.
    So am i over the top by giving 350.00 on my Boys 18th and giving 250 to each kid on there birthday and Xmas??
    .

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wabbits View Post
    So am i over the top by giving 350.00 on my Boys 18th and giving 250 to each kid on there birthday and Xmas??
    Don't think so at all Wabbs, but would you mind if I start calling you Dad 555.
    Rivo likes this.
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    An intresresting topic this, but have noticed it has waivered a little off the kids to Ex Missus, which brings up a question if BM's don't mind answering (especially the very bitter ones - ex I'm talking)

    Do you think they would be as bitter to you, if you were with a Western women rather than a TG ?

    In my case, no kids in the equation, and my last Ex and TG have crossed paths a few times, and get on like a house on fire, though TG says ex speaks far too fast for her to understand 555. Not sure if this a trend because it was an amicable split, still talk 6 years on, and both happy that the other has moved on.
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

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    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    Don't think so at all Wabbs, but would you mind if I start calling you Dad 555.
    There are a few things like this subject that have blind sided me as issues that i NEVEr would have even thought of....
    .

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wabbits View Post
    So am i over the top by giving 350.00 on my Boys 18th and giving 250 to each kid on there birthday and Xmas??
    Devil's advocate response

    Not over the top if you can produce documentary evidence that confirms you also sent an EXTRA 7500 baht to her family four times (or is it six times -3 kids?) a year every year (exception is the EXTRA 10500 baht for the $350 on the 18th birthday).

    Each month you send money to your family (child support) and to her family (family support) but only your kids get EXTRA money?

    Or is it only your kids that deserve to get treated special?

    (P.s the money you DID send for the sick water buffalo, the motor bike repairs, the dentist bills and the uncle's funeral etc does not count - we are talking about gifts and EXTRA -do whatever you want with it - type money here)

    Enjoy
    Life is the unexpected ...

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wabbits View Post
    There are a few things like this subject that have blind sided me as issues that i NEVEr would have even thought of....
    Ditto... has not been a huge "issue" for us so far but has been a topic of conversation more than once .... and it was not something I ever suspected would be such a source of friction....
    Life is the unexpected ...

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