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Thread: Dowry

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    Dowry

    Hi all well for those who are married and those about to ,i would hope that some one can help me understand this dowery thing ,now i beleive it is called a sin sod ? what can anyone tell me about this ,is there a set ammount that is required ,how is the ammount set any information would be of great help so i can get my head around this ,as you can imagine i am trying to learn as much about this as possible so if in 2 years i am still with tg then i have an understanding of what is required ,thanks .

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    There is a thread here on it Crispy. Hope it helps?

    Sin Soht
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Frequent Flyer kaptainrob's Avatar
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    Have a read here > Sin Soht

    Sin Sod or Sin Sot is virtually a thing of the past, more a token offering or 'show of face'.

    DP beat me to it .... again!

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kaptainrob View Post
    Have a read here > Sin Soht

    Sin Sod or Sin Sot is virtually a thing of the past, more a token offering or 'show of face'.

    DP beat me to it .... again!
    Sorry KR... but I did give you 7 minutes to spot the thread... 555

    I made the original Sin Sot thread a sticky as well. As it's probably pretty useful...
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    If you're asking about the tradition and meaning of the Sin Sod, then it varies depending on who you ask. Supposedly the girls social class, job, whether she has kids etc determines how much you should expect to be asked to pay. For example, a Bangkok "Hi-So" type family will demand a hell of a lot more than an Isaan girl (in theory). Some will argue that the Sin Sod traditionally is a way of compensating the family for taking away their daughter, whom otherwise would be working for the family. In reality, and from my own personal experience with my wife, it basically comes back to the "face" thing, or being able to "show big face" to other families in the village/community.

    "Technically" I didn't pay any Sin Sot. My experience went like this:-

    My wife was 28 when we married, I was 31, she is from Isaan, poor family, has one daughter (although the daughter was effectively adopted by another family at a young age). We had been together for a year before we married. I made my financial position very clear to my Mrs from the very start of our relationship. Which basically meant that I was skint 5555. As things became more serious with her, I actually brought up the issue of the Sin Sot. I didn't want it to cause a problem further down the line when the time came to talk about getting married etc. Anyway, the constant trips to LOS, plus the (ridiculous) UK visa fee's that we were facing when we did get married, had cleaned me out. This was all explained to my wife's mother and I guess luckily for us it was never an issue.
    However, in order that my wife's family would not "lose face" around town, it was agreed that we would have a "show" Sin Sod. That basically meant that we made a show of money as anyone would, but it was then returned afterward. In our case it was only 50k (thb) which in the end we needed to pay for my wife's settlement visa.

    I think it's important to be honest about what you can afford (if anything) and don't be afraid to negociate. If my wife's family had been arkward about it, dug their heels in and asked for a ridiculous amount, would I have paid?? Well I don't know, I guess I probably would have found a way.

    It's also important to remember that the Sin Sod is not exclusive to farang. A Thai guy would be expected to pay too.....just not necessarily the "farang price" 5555

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    My tg says that its tradition is a bit weaker in the South and that the money was used to buy neighbouring land for the daughter for the occasion when the new husband left his wife , or started up with a 'mia noi' and she didnt like it.
    If daughter came home with babies , she had her own bit of rice land , and could grow some veggies and survive.
    Men couldnt just go around boom booming ladies and making babies without it costing! 555

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    Men couldnt just go around boom booming ladies and making babies without it costing! 555
    some things never change 555

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    In Australia we are so advanced we have done away with "Outdated" and "Backward" ideas like "Sin Sot".
    We have replaced them with far more "Civilized" and "Advanced" "Modern" alternatives like the ultra effective and universally liked "Child Support Agency".&&&
    And where the hell was Biggles.....?....when you needed him last Saturday....?

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post
    In Australia we are so advanced we have done away with "Outdated" and "Backward" ideas like "Sin Sot".
    We have replaced them with far more "Civilized" and "Advanced" "Modern" alternatives like the ultra effective and universally liked "Child Support Agency".&&&
    I've actually convinced Thip that in Australia we still believe in the Dowry.....
    It is a western custom that the females family pay for the wedding... I told her that I have at least 300 friends and family that need to be invited.
    The wedding is now on the back burner!
    Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer.

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    Quote Originally Posted by patongbeachboy View Post
    i've actually convinced thip that in australia we still believe in the dowry.....
    It is a western custom that the females family pay for the wedding... I told her that i have at least 300 friends and family that need to be invited.
    The wedding is now on the back burner!
    love it 555555555
    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

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    Quote Originally Posted by PatongBeachBoy View Post
    I've actually convinced Thip that in Australia we still believe in the Dowry.....
    It is a western custom that the females family pay for the wedding... I told her that I have at least 300 friends and family that need to be invited.
    The wedding is now on the back burner!
    mate you arnt just a pretty face got smarts to

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    Guest Platinum daohoshi Dao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kaptainrob View Post
    Have a read here > Sin Soht

    Sin Sod or Sin Sot is virtually a thing of the past, more a token offering or 'show of face'.

    DP beat me to it .... again!
    Rob I agree with you that for some people it is from the past. Many it is not. For some it is a control measure of their son or daughter to who they marry.


    This in a poor village.

    For example if my brother want to marry a girl. At least 200K he not ever get this money by himself .because mum control his money. If mum not like the girl or her family no money. But where is money come from. Me and Jonty or mum have to borrow. So If I think the girl no good. No sin sot money.

    Same for a girl. If the family not like the guy the price is more than his family have. This is love for very poor people.

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    Guest Platinum daohoshi Dao's Avatar
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    I thinking it is very hard to understand poor. As a children I do not understand it. Just life not see any different.

    Poor is painful in all your body. It does not get what it needs. (no juicing machines DP) The pain I remember very well. I know hard to understand. For some people this is life even in Thailand.

    Poor is no chance at all. No great brain. No great attitude. No great religions. Just poor.

    Fist time jonty come to my famliy house. They only question he have is how your mum and dad with no money stop have more babies then 2. No pharmacy no any thing to control.

    I tell him mum says no.

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    Quote Originally Posted by daohoshi Dao View Post
    I thinking it is very hard to understand poor. As a children I do not understand it. Just life not see any different.

    Poor is painful in all your body. It does not get what it needs. (no juicing machines DP) The pain I remember very well. I know hard to understand. For some people this is life even in Thailand.

    Poor is no chance at all. No great brain. No great attitude. No great religions. Just poor.

    Fist time jonty come to my famliy house. They only question he have is how your mum and dad with no money stop have more babies then 2. No pharmacy no any thing to control.

    I tell him mum says no.
    Hi doa my friend grew up in poor family two brothers and two sisters but poor ,her mother died when she was 9 and she taken in by aunty as her father cannot look after her as well as other kids who are older ,i said to her you will take me to see where you grow up but she said to me no dont want you to see how poor i am ,this really affected me as i come from a working class family certainly not rich by australian standards ,but by thai standards yes i said to her it not worry me who rich and who poor as long as happy in life ,money makes things easier but not make you so happy.I can see what the sin sot was used for i think so family can dictate who girl marry to ,maybe not for love but for status maybe girl she loves a poor rice farmer very much, but a man who is not so good likes the girl as well he have lots of money so family make sin sot so high that rice farmer cannot pay ,girl marries the rich man even though he does not treat her well but looks after her family ,a bit like western society where even though husband is complete mongrel he is a good provider so wife will stay with him for sake of the children and security.

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    Quote Originally Posted by toddmeister View Post
    If you're asking about the tradition and meaning of the Sin Sod, then it varies depending on who you ask. Supposedly the girls social class, job, whether she has kids etc determines how much you should expect to be asked to pay. For example, a Bangkok "Hi-So" type family will demand a hell of a lot more than an Isaan girl (in theory). Some will argue that the Sin Sod traditionally is a way of compensating the family for taking away their daughter, whom otherwise would be working for the family. In reality, and from my own personal experience with my wife, it basically comes back to the "face" thing, or being able to "show big face" to other families in the village/community.

    "Technically" I didn't pay any Sin Sot. My experience went like this:-

    My wife was 28 when we married, I was 31, she is from Isaan, poor family, has one daughter (although the daughter was effectively adopted by another family at a young age). We had been together for a year before we married. I made my financial position very clear to my Mrs from the very start of our relationship. Which basically meant that I was skint 5555. As things became more serious with her, I actually brought up the issue of the Sin Sot. I didn't want it to cause a problem further down the line when the time came to talk about getting married etc. Anyway, the constant trips to LOS, plus the (ridiculous) UK visa fee's that we were facing when we did get married, had cleaned me out. This was all explained to my wife's mother and I guess luckily for us it was never an issue.
    However, in order that my wife's family would not "lose face" around town, it was agreed that we would have a "show" Sin Sod. That basically meant that we made a show of money as anyone would, but it was then returned afterward. In our case it was only 50k (thb) which in the end we needed to pay for my wife's settlement visa.

    I think it's important to be honest about what you can afford (if anything) and don't be afraid to negociate. If my wife's family had been arkward about it, dug their heels in and asked for a ridiculous amount, would I have paid?? Well I don't know, I guess I probably would have found a way.

    It's also important to remember that the Sin Sod is not exclusive to farang. A Thai guy would be expected to pay too.....just not necessarily the "farang price" 5555
    we have talked about this and i think this is what we would also do ,as i understand it the sin sot would be given to her aunt (second mother) then after all is done then aunt will pay people for party ect, but it must be there so everyone can see and take note of how much ,i was given a figure of around 3000 dollars once all is paid for what is left is returned to us ,we have agreed that aunty will be given a special gift from remaining money for all her help ,so in effect it is just for show to keep face when marrying and bassicaly to pay for wedding

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Zablive's Avatar
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    I find "living in sin" more fun and cheaper.

    Whenever "Marriage" comes up I remind her it was not good for her before, nor me!

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    Guest Platinum daohoshi Dao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crispy View Post
    Hi doa my friend grew up in poor family two brothers and two sisters but poor ,her mother died when she was 9 and she taken in by aunty as her father cannot look after her as well as other kids who are older ,i said to her you will take me to see where you grow up but she said to me no dont want you to see how poor i am ,this really affected me as i come from a working class family certainly not rich by australian standards ,but by thai standards yes i said to her it not worry me who rich and who poor as long as happy in life ,money makes things easier but not make you so happy.I can see what the sin sot was used for i think so family can dictate who girl marry to ,maybe not for love but for status maybe girl she loves a poor rice farmer very much, but a man who is not so good likes the girl as well he have lots of money so family make sin sot so high that rice farmer cannot pay ,girl marries the rich man even though he does not treat her well but looks after her family ,a bit like western society where even though husband is complete mongrel he is a good provider so wife will stay with him for sake of the children and security.
    Exactly. I am strong. I want both. But for the before I have stars only in my brain. You know young and stupid.

  18. #18
    เมืองเชียงราย Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Rivo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zablive View Post
    I find "living in sin" more fun and cheaper.

    Whenever "Marriage" comes up I remind her it was not good for her before, nor me!

    Roll the clock back 5 years, young Zab arrives in Phuket.......................


    A Wise Man Once Said "Nothing"

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    Quote Originally Posted by daohoshi Dao View Post
    Rob I agree with you that for some people it is from the past. Many it is not. For some it is a control measure of their son or daughter to who they marry.


    This in a poor village.

    For example if my brother want to marry a girl. At least 200K he not ever get this money by himself .because mum control his money. If mum not like the girl or her family no money. But where is money come from. Me and Jonty or mum have to borrow. So If I think the girl no good. No sin sot money.

    Same for a girl. If the family not like the guy the price is more than his family have. This is love for very poor people.
    Guess I was lucky to marry into a farming family who embrace old and new ideals. I gave 'for show' and it was returned later. I voluntarily spent 3 months working on the house and spent a considerable sum in doing so ... my way of paying Sin Sod!
    A male cousin in the baan had to marry a local girl but seeing as she'd had a history of men (2 previous husbands whilst still in teens), her SS was negotiated down to 2k.

    Another female cousin was married recently, to a wealthy BKK boy and he elected to give (Jo's Mare who'd raised her) 30k, but this was claimed by a greedy neighbour as repayment of old debt by the girl's penniless alcho/gambling parents. Jo's Mum said nothing, yet paid for the entire ceremony out of their meagre farm income.
    Cheers, Rob.
    Lifes journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but to skid in sideways totally worn out, shouting: holy s.h.i.t what a ride!

  20. #20
    Guest Platinum daohoshi Dao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kaptainrob View Post
    Guess I was lucky to marry into a farming family who embrace old and new ideals. I gave 'for show' and it was returned later. I voluntarily spent 3 months working on the house and spent a considerable sum in doing so ... my way of paying Sin Sod!
    A male cousin in the baan had to marry a local girl but seeing as she'd had a history of men (2 previous husbands whilst still in teens), her SS was negotiated down to 2k.

    Another female cousin was married recently, to a wealthy BKK boy and he elected to give (Jo's Mare who'd raised her) 30k, but this was claimed by a greedy neighbour as repayment of old debt by the girl's penniless alcho/gambling parents. Jo's Mum said nothing, yet paid for the entire ceremony out of their meagre farm income.

    2K or even 30 K would not be on display. Ok I never see it. 2K on Display would have that much gossip. Every people at the wedding already know the history. So no display of sin sot.

    Nice family you have rob. Lucky??? Good people attract the same.

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