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Thread: Sin Soht

  1. #41
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    Seems we sometimes get bent out of shape about who pays sin sot and why.
    It is not an opportunistic thing, and If you haven't been asked about it, there is obviously no need.
    From my observations it comes about when there is a large financial difference between the two families whose members are marrying.
    In the vast majority of cases I/we see, the Farang has far more means and money and is called upon to pay.
    Dillpickles points out that the family he was marrying into was fairly well to do, and sin sot was not called for which also seems also to bear out this belief.
    However, If Sin Sot had been called for and then refused, there would be no marriage anyway.
    What I do know is that in thai family life what goes around usually comes around.
    And where the hell was Biggles.....?....when you needed him last Saturday....?

  2. #42
    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillpickles View Post
    I'm married 8-9 yrs, I say that because we were married twice once here in Bangkok & then again in the U.S. I had never heard of the term sin sot in my 30 yrs of LOS until I started getting into forums. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention all these yrs. There was certainly no mention of it from my wife or family....
    ....
    Hi Dillpickles....Welcome....already looking forward to your input....

    Well, if you were not paying attention then either was I.....I never heard about SS either till marriage was discussed......but that is not surprising, it is only once you start getting serious with a Thai woman that the issue of sin soht will raise its head (if it does).

    I mean, really, who is going to mention it otherwise? The taxi driver, the golf caddy, the waitress, your divemaster at scuba, the massage girl.....even the expats you have a beer with are unlikely to mention it unless you do first.

    I was pretty much in the dark on the Groom's $$$ obligations in a farang wedding until about a month before my first one - flowers, cars and some suit hires I think

    Having paid sin sot and having a wonderful set of in-laws also, I'll disagree on the farang cash cow assessment (it does happen though - and too often)

    Every case is different - for example, sin sot was not even mentioned in your case - in my case, my working-class in-laws would never have been able to afford to get their daughter home from Australia if I had turned out to be a bad man, and I knew that, so sin sot in my case was therefore a sort of non-refundable bond....555

    (They clearly expected they'd never see her again after her departure to faraway farangland - and their stoic acceptance of this fact was touching to see as they said their final farewells - equally priceless was the look on their faces when we kept turning up on their doorstep every few months thereafter)

    You marry the girl, you marry the family - if they don't want sin sot - great - if they don't need monthly support - even better - but if they do - then you and your girl both have to find a way to accept those facts and deal with them.

    As Mrs M would say, you wanted to marry a Thai girl because she is different to a farang one - well, like it or not, this is one of the differences.

    Enjoy
    Heaven holds a sense of wonder and I wanted to believe...

  3. #43
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minder View Post
    As Mrs M would say, you wanted to marry a Thai girl because she is different to a farang one - well, like it or not, this is one of the differences.
    Mrs M has been a bit quiet of late!

  4. #44
    Mrs M.
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    Quote Originally Posted by G4orce View Post
    Its all good mate, I did not take it that way at all, I was more trying to explain myself a little more as i did not want to scare him off, or make him think we are another one of those Forums with the grumpy BM's 555
    umm, I think I know the feeling huhu

  5. #45
    Mrs M.
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatongBeachBoy View Post
    Mrs M has been a bit quiet of late!
    I heard you..., I had been grounded 555, nah just busy with my things

  6. #46
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs M. View Post
    I heard you..., I had been grounded 555, nah just busy with my things
    555 your making up for you absence today
    Mrs M. likes this.

  7. #47
    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน G4orce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs M. View Post
    umm, I think I know the feeling huhu
    I am not a Grumpy guy, I promise
    Mrs M. likes this.

  8. #48
    Windy
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    When I first married, there was no request for sin sot from what I remember, but I had already helped out the family with updating their house, and it was only a local village wedding.
    With my current TGF, as soon as I felt it could go the marriage stage, I told her I didnt believe in sin sot, especailly for someone who has previously been married and has a child.
    I will see how it goes if we do marry! I would be happy with the show to give 'face' to her mother, to pay it and then get given it back after the wedding. But I'm not giving it up so she can use it to play cards with her friends. Her father is dead and her step father is 70 years old and has been in ICU for about a month and the future doesn't look good. My TGF virtually runs the house so sin sot will realy be up to her.

  9. #49
    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน G4orce's Avatar
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    I read today that the average Aussie Wedding cost has risen to $36,000..... Maybe the Sin Sot isn't that bad after all. Having a small ceremony in the village with food and drinks for a small (50ish) amount of people with Sin Sot would most likey come under that price by a fair bit.

  10. #50
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    $36,000 is a bit lavish.... I certainly was on the bottom of that average with my last marriage (3yrs ago) costing around $4,000... People still come up to me and say "shame, best wedding I ever went to" 555.... I'ts amazing how good a shin dig you can have when the right alcohol is supplied!
    Condo likes this.

  11. #51
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    Just like to put a different perspective on this age old debate. This is only what I have observed in village life BWT.

    Dao's brother is 28. He works at a hotel in Khon Kaen lives with Mum and Dad. His wage goes to mum and he gets some back for fuel for his MB and a bit of splash 50 baht a week. After he works the 8 or more hours in the hotel he goes fishing for 3-4 hours. Once again mum gets the fish processes them and sells them at the markets and keeps the money.

    This is how it is. He accepts this and makes him happy to help the family
    He meets a girl he likes the girl. He wants to marry the girl.
    Where does the sin sot come from?
    From mum, she has to approve of the girl and her family if she is going to hand over his/her (the families) hard earned money.
    She will just say she can not afford that if she does not approve.

    Some may look at as a form of control over the both the boy as well as the girl.

    I have offered her brother the cash for sin sot if mum "cannot afford" Dig in the ribs from Dao. Up to mum.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

  12. #52
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    Just like to put a different perspective on this age old debate. This is only what I have observed in village life BWT.

    Dao's brother is 28. He works at a hotel in Khon Kaen lives with Mum and Dad. His wage goes to mum and he gets some back for fuel for his MB and a bit of splash 50 baht a week. After he works the 8 or more hours in the hotel he goes fishing for 3-4 hours. Once again mum gets the fish processes them and sells them at the markets and keeps the money.

    This is how it is. He accepts this and makes him happy to help the family
    He meets a girl he likes the girl. He wants to marry the girl.
    Where does the sin sot come from?
    From mum, she has to approve of the girl and her family if she is going to hand over his/her (the families) hard earned money.
    She will just say she can not afford that if she does not approve.

    Some may look at as a form of control over the both the boy as well as the girl.

    I have offered her brother the cash for sin sot if mum "cannot afford" Dig in the ribs from Dao. Up to mum.
    What amount is he looking at Jonty?
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  13. #53
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    The amount is really irrelevant if mum does not approve was the point. He does not have his "own" money. I would imagine though it would be 300K from the weddings I have been to at that end of town. I have never seen one under 200K.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

  14. #54
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    The amount is really irrelevant if mum does not approve was the point. He does not have his "own" money. I would imagine though it would be 300K from the weddings I have been to at that end of town. I have never seen one under 200K.
    Usually a negotiation between both parents... all the circumstances are weighed up... standing in the community, sex before marriage, child from previous, etc etc
    Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer.

  15. #55
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Spot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatongBeachBoy View Post
    I have to contend with Grandma... she's the one pushing our Sin Sod barrow
    S's parents are dead so Her Yaai gets the Sin Sot? where do M's dead fathers family come into it?

    Still seeking advice here team, when I adopt Mook or take her away to the land downunder, where do her deceased fathers family fit into the Sin Sod picture? anyone else out there in the same boat?

    Chok Dee
    Last edited by Spot; 25th December 2011 at 15:34. Reason: Looking for advice.

  16. #56
    Newby Stef's Avatar
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    Since I am new to the tg experience I've read as much as I could over the weeks about the sin sod. At first I was put back by it but my thinking has changed some. Most of us have been around the track before with marriages and spending thousands on an engagement ring (which virtually all farang women want) and several more on the wedding is common. So the sin sod really isn't any different.... in the end all men have to pay... one way or another.
    Another member mentioned earlier that we choose a tg because they are different... and the sin sod is part of that.
    I have come to understand that the sin sod is an important part of the wedding...no different than one of the many things we have to pay for in a western wedding.
    So if the time comes... I will ante up. It's a much easier pill to swallow knowing that you've got a tg and not a farang bride.
    Minder, Gazmac, Spot and 1 others like this.

  17. #57
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Spot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stef View Post
    Since I am new to the tg experience I've read as much as I could over the weeks about the sin sod. At first I was put back by it but my thinking has changed some. Most of us have been around the track before with marriages and spending thousands on an engagement ring (which virtually all farang women want) and several more on the wedding is common. So the sin sod really isn't any different.... in the end all men have to pay... one way or another.
    Another member mentioned earlier that we choose a tg because they are different... and the sin sod is part of that.
    I have come to understand that the sin sod is an important part of the wedding...no different than one of the many things we have to pay for in a western wedding.
    So if the time comes... I will ante up. It's a much easier pill to swallow knowing that you've got a tg and not a farang bride.
    Wise words, S has already got first option on a house in Isaan. So I will "by pass the middle man" out of film "Kenny" except she is not a farang and I see it as a very very cheap investment in our future. Wont have to stay at Yaais Ban...

  18. #58
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    A good start for you Stef with that attitude. Ethnocentrism will break a cross cultural relationship every time be it personal or business. There are a millions Farang Bar Files all over the world that have spent a month there and are now experts.

    As you said we like TG's for their difference and have to accept some things. They like us for differing reasons to a Thai Man but have to accept some things as well.

    It is just two diffeerent systems of society each work in there own way. Blending is the difficult bit.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

  19. #59
    Newby Stef's Avatar
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    So to satisfy my curiosity, I asked my tg about this sin sot thing. I just wanted to hear her opinion on this topic. Siri told me that she asked her mom about this in a round about way. (Mom was a bit puzzled as I have not been mentioned to her before). Mom says that if the man her daughter is with is a good man who loves her then the amount of the sin sot is up to the man and will be used "for show" at the wedding and given back afterward to help the new couple start out. If the man is a bit questionable, then the sin sot will be determined more by the parents and acts like an insurance policy in case the husband bails and leaves her alone.

    Once I read this, it sounded quite reasonable to me, especially after what I've read about how many Thai men treat their wives.

    I booked my flight to LOS and I will be leaving March 12 for two weeks. I'm anxious to meet Siri for the first time. She is bringing her friend Hanoi ask a chaperone the first time we meet. I've learned that this is quite common. This is all ok by me.

    One issue that I have been thinking about recently is the "marrying the family too" thing.
    Siri has a good job working in a spa at a major hotel resort and supports her mother and younger brother. Dad left the family when the kids were quite young. This explains moms thoughts on the sin sot.
    The brother is 26 and does not work although this apparently is in the works. ?????

    If Siri was here in Canada with me, she would not be working for a while and I will have top continue with the role as the family provider. I'm not sure how much this would be at this point.

    Have any of you had experiences with this sort of thing?

  20. #60
    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน G4orce's Avatar
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    Your best bet would be to talk to Siri about how much she usually provides for her family each week. Then match that so that the family are not losing any money. I send home money to my GFs mum each month. The same amount she would usaully send home and the mum is happy with that. Sometimes she asks for more and I make the decision on what I think is best in that situation.

    Look into different methods of sending the money in advance. Western Union is quick but expensive, Bank Transfers are not cheap either. Not sure if you have them in Canada but look into Travelex cards. You can open an account in your name, give the card to the mother and transfer money when you need (takes 3 business days to clear). Personally I have found the Travelex card a good method, but remember there 150B fee when they withdraw the money. Also it is all recorded online and good for future visas

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