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Thread: Motivating a TG

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    Question Motivating a TG

    Has anyone here ever tried to motivate a TG?

    I am lucky in that the girl I am involved with is incredibly adaptable. She has made some remarkable changes way outside her cultural experience. For example, she has come along way on one aspect of a relationship that I find very difficult to compromise, openness and communication. She has gone from hiding her feeling and not never talking about her/our problems to, well . . . doing so. She is doing a better job than I am, I'm afraid. But, I am still pushing for more. 555 Mostly, I am trying to motivate her to fill her time productively or just simply filling it. Her only real ambition is being a Mom and that's great, I don't have a family so that work's out for the both of us. But I want to wait for a year, take her home to meet my family, travel a bit and make sure our relationship is solid before we go down that road and she agrees.

    So, in the meantime, I would like her to work or go to school, something, especially when I am out of the country. I work at sea and leave for 2 or more months at a time and she is currently sitting in the Baan, bored out of her mind, putting all her energy into missing me and waiting until I come back. I have made many suggestions, like I said: take a lot of time and find a job that is right for her, sell fruit on the front porch, find a hobby (besides me 555), volunteer . . . anything to keep her occupied. I would love to put her in a better place in life, so if we didn't work out she would have options besides going back to an 8000/month job. So far I have not been successful in getting her out the door and finding something to do. She gets excited about business ideas, tells me she is going to apply for weekend school, but then never follows through.

    Has anyone ever tried to motivate a TG?

  2. #2
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    Hi Cippy, Here's wishing you all the very best with it.
    Last edited by Changone; 30th April 2013 at 23:40.
    And where the hell was Biggles.....?....when you needed him last Saturday....?

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Motivate and TG can at times be more than poles apart. Not sure of your TG's background Cippy re education, but my TG was out of school and off to work in BKK before she was 14, and has mentioned many time she wanted to finish High School (she is now in 30's), so i said go and find out about how you can. I have previously put her through English Language School, 8 levels which she passed ok, and will do 3 more levels soon.

    So she is off back to High school in about a week or so, where Mature Students do a few days a week at school with all the students, and yes she has to have a uniform, oh gee I can't wait to get over there.
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post

    My take on it would be in one word "Environment". She most likely won't begin to see things any other way until she has experienced life outside the Baan.

    Does she tell you she is bored, or do you assume she is because you would be in the same situation?
    We met in Phuket where she worked at a small hotel in Kata. So she has been outside the Baan, but she certainly hasn't had much more experience that that. Loas for a visa run and she walked off a factory Job in Bangkok after a week, didn't even collect her pay. But I can understand that. 555 I think fear is what works against her the most. She has had aspiration to open a clothes shop, but as anyone who has spent anytime in LOS knows, most places are saturated with clothes shops. I didn't tell her this I just kept pointing all of them out until she came to the realization on her own. 55. Maybe that is the answer? If she can break even that would be great for me!

    Yeah, she has told me she is bored and it makes the waiting all that much more difficult. She at least has her cousin in from America right now with her husband and kids, but they are leaving soon.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    Motivate and TG can at times be more than poles apart. Not sure of your TG's background Cippy re education, but my TG was out of school and off to work in BKK before she was 14, and has mentioned many time she wanted to finish High School (she is now in 30's), so i said go and find out about how you can. I have previously put her through English Language School, 8 levels which she passed ok, and will do 3 more levels soon.

    So she is off back to High school in about a week or so, where Mature Students do a few days a week at school with all the students, and yes she has to have a uniform, oh gee I can't wait to get over there.
    SHe has been through college! Which is just under the university level. One reason I want her to go back is she is very intelligent, just two years in Phuket and two farang boyfriends and her English is excellent. Her written English is even better than her spoken English! Teaching it would be perfect for her, only, she needs that University degree or it doesn't matter how good her language skills are.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
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    Try leaving her with no money.. See if she get's motivated...555

    Joking, but in a way,
    if you take care, there is little motivation left for her to take care of herself or her family..

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    Cadet StupScott's Avatar
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    I've the opposite problem, my gf is full of ideas, everyday she has a new one. So far she wants to open a General store (a few doors along from her aunts General Store), an Internet Cafe, a Noodle restaurant, etc, all viable businesses where she lives too but since I've left she's been out and about everyday, buying earth to raise her land, planting mango trees/chillies/etc, hunting crickets at dusk(something she took me out to do.. good fun actually), foraging for various foods the rain is bringing, be it small purple flowers with edible roots(like ginger) or mushrooms. She's worked since she was 14 and worked hard, I don't think she can sit still for more than one day... I'll soon change that when she arrives over here for a 4 month holiday 55

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RakThai View Post
    Try leaving her with no money.. See if she get's motivated...555

    Joking, but in a way,
    if you take care, there is little motivation left for her to take care of herself or her family..
    She already running out. . . She has gone through 8000 in one week because she is the only one with money. Brother needs school paid for and a uniform, Dad needs life insurance payment. Back internet bills so she can talk to me. 55 Electric, water, drinking water. Luckily her Dad has a new good paying job coming up. Don't let me give the impression they are lazy. Her solution is going to work construction in Khon Khean with her aunt. Not what I had in mind. Living in corrugated steel huts with drunken construction workers every night. 55 I think I have to be honest with myself and admit I really want her to go back to school more than anything. But, she just won't . . . not yet. 555

    WHere you have it wrong is she is very motivated to take care of herself and her parents, even me. Self confidence is one big factor.
    Last edited by Cippy; 30th April 2013 at 17:40.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StupScott View Post
    I've the opposite problem, my gf is full of ideas, everyday she has a new one. So far she wants to open a General store (a few doors along from her aunts General Store), an Internet Cafe, a Noodle restaurant, etc, all viable businesses where she lives too but since I've left she's been out and about everyday, buying earth to raise her land, planting mango trees/chillies/etc, hunting crickets at dusk(something she took me out to do.. good fun actually), foraging for various foods the rain is bringing, be it small purple flowers with edible roots(like ginger) or mushrooms. She's worked since she was 14 and worked hard, I don't think she can sit still for more than one day... I'll soon change that when she arrives over here for a 4 month holiday 55
    Yeah, my TG is definitely a princess and her Brother is a little prince. Her parents made great sacrifices to get her through as much school as she got. She is lucky that way. So she is just making her way in the world. She has great idea's much the same, but fear eventually has her coming up with rationalizations.

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    Guest Platinum daohoshi Dao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cippy View Post
    Has anyone here ever tried to motivate a TG?

    I am lucky in that the girl I am involved with is incredibly adaptable. She has made some remarkable changes way outside her cultural experience. For example, she has come along way on one aspect of a relationship that I find very difficult to compromise, openness and communication. She has gone from hiding her feeling and not never talking about her/our problems to, well . . . doing so. She is doing a better job than I am, I'm afraid. But, I am still pushing for more. 555 Mostly, I am trying to motivate her to fill her time productively or just simply filling it. Her only real ambition is being a Mom and that's great, I don't have a family so that work's out for the both of us. But I want to wait for a year, take her home to meet my family, travel a bit and make sure our relationship is solid before we go down that road and she agrees.

    So, in the meantime, I would like her to work or go to school, something, especially when I am out of the country. I work at sea and leave for 2 or more months at a time and she is currently sitting in the Baan, bored out of her mind, putting all her energy into missing me and waiting until I come back. I have made many suggestions, like I said: take a lot of time and find a job that is right for her, sell fruit on the front porch, find a hobby (besides me 555), volunteer . . . anything to keep her occupied. I would love to put her in a better place in life, so if we didn't work out she would have options besides going back to an 8000/month job. So far I have not been successful in getting her out the door and finding something to do. She gets excited about business ideas, tells me she is going to apply for weekend school, but then never follows through.

    Has anyone ever tried to motivate a TG?
    I try to get the motivation all the time.555

    You have to think just now who control her life. What does these people want for her. This is where the motived will need to come from.
    yung rai kwa suea

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Spot's Avatar
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    Oh Boy Cippy have you found the right forum! YES.

    Take a poke around and open up threads like relationships with TG and use the search engine. Motivation is not the key here, its getting your realtionship squared away and so many other factors that you will have to learn about. Like family pressures, family politics and on and on.....

    And you never generalise or put somebody in a box and there is no simple or single answer... Enjoy the ride.

    8000 in one week and all good excuses my Mrs earns 4000 a month 7 days a week. I grizzle about what i have paid for in the past...... Its all on here mate its all been discussed before...

    I share your frustration but some pointers from the elders wont go astray. Whose 8k was spent in one week? Middle educated and still has the impression her falang a millionaire? Although it is widely thought to be true were you fanning your own flames here?

    How old is she now?
    how did she feed herslef and pay for her brothers school before you?
    Did she have internet before you?
    How long have you known her?
    Have you met the parents?
    Are they Hiso?
    Where is the Baan?
    Last edited by Spot; 5th May 2013 at 22:10.
    Ohhhh, Pigsy! You call yourself a demon? จูบก้นของฉัน Everything I post here is IMHO and IME... I am no expert....

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by daohoshi Dao View Post
    I try to get the motivation all the time.555

    You have to think just now who control her life. What does these people want for her. This is where the motived will need to come from.
    Sound advice, her biggest motivation is take care of family of course. Now that she has me she hasn't thought of where to go from here.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spot View Post
    Oh Boy Cippy have you found the right forum! YES.

    Take a poke around and open up threads like relationships with TG and use the search engine. Motivation is not the key here, its getting your realtionship squared away and so many other factors that you will have to learn about. Like family pressures, family politics and on and on.....

    And you never generalise or put somebody in a box and there is no simple or single answer... Enjoy the ride.

    8000 in one week and all good excuses my Mrs earns 4000 a month 7 days a week. I grizzle about what i have paid for in the past...... Its all on here mate its all been discussed before...

    I share your frustration but some pointers from the elders wont go astray. Whose 8k was spent in one week? Middle educated and still has the impression her falang a millionaire? Although it is widely thought to be true were you fanning your own flames here?

    How old is she now?
    how did she feed herslef and pay for her brothers school before you?
    Did she have internet before you?
    How long have you known her?
    Have you met the parents?
    Are they Hiso?
    Where is the Baan?
    Aahhh, but we are at that point, we are in a committed relationship. The 8000 was hers, I gave it to her, She has money left over, I just implored her to spend it wisely and not bail everybody out. She has had little opportunity to help out before working 8000/ month in hotel reception and feels that TG pull of Gat Dtan Yuu. She is actually making a go of the few thousand she has left. She doesn't think I am a miollionare, she is actually very careful with my money. But, she can't help herself when it comes to family, and let's face it, they will always be in need. It was all spent on good things.

    I do know her family, quite well. I just spent 4 months up in Loei and drove to the Baan outside Wang Saphung three or four times a week. I know the the entire family, including her 12 aunts and uncles and most of her cousins, even her Farang cousin in Law from Tennessee. 55 There are no secrets between us. She knows about my mongering and I know about her past Farang boy friends. She saw a relationship of mine with a BG flame out. Point is, we are at that juncture were the future looks bright and me motivating her is very much the pressing issue in our relationship for reasons stated above. But, this thread may be all for naught. After a two day back and fourth she has said she will sign up for school. Wish me Luck!

    EDIT: what's Hiso??
    Last edited by Cippy; 6th May 2013 at 00:48.

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    Cadet StupScott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cippy View Post
    EDIT: what's Hiso??
    High society/upper class

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน supersub's Avatar
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    I've met plenty of lazy hiso's.

    I think the underlying issue is no different to motivating anyone be it you or me. They have to want to do something they will. If they don't, then they won't. And tbh I think to be a teacher one has to be more motivated than most so not sure if that would be a wise career choice.

    I would just be firm with her and tell her it's important to you that she finds a job or something to occupy her time.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    Sippy, good to hear your relationship is going the right way and as you have spent, invested time with her and the family, extended as well, for a good period of time. You will be seen to be serious and hopefully given respect for it all.

    We all know what your talking about with her being bound to spread the wealth, it is very much the culture.
    My only advise is, as they have no budgeting ability and live today and tomorrow will work itself out, in their mind. Just consider drip feeding the money a bit.

    I made the mistake of thinking it was saving me fees and getting a better exchange rate, by sending her home with enough for her and babies to live work free, for 8-10 months......big mistake, it was all gone in 2 months.

    Glad to hear she has agreed to go back to school, hope she sticks at it.
    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by justcruzing1 View Post
    they have no budgeting ability and live today and tomorrow will work itself out, in their mind. Just consider drip feeding the money a bit.
    Don't I know it! That is at least true of my TG. I let her in in the finances when I was there, I would get cash for two weeks and sit down with her and make a budget. If we went over we would just have to tighten our belt. (not hard in Thailand, eat Thai style for 6 dollars a day. 555) This is important for me because I go from contract to contract and can easily see a four month break between jobs as happened when I was there last time. But her father just recently finished a long term construction job building a sugar cane factory and didn't leave the village to work since he was getting to know me. So, things got a little tight and things came up as they always do.

    Your right about the culture. I have had a few discussions about this with the missus. Thai don't worry as much about saving for the future because kids will take care. But, first of all, I don't have any kids yet, second, I would be horrified to have my kids take care of me when I am past my prime. I would see that as a failure if it was my lack of preparation that brought me to that state. So, for me saving is a large part of my budget, something that was foreign to her.
    Last edited by Cippy; 6th May 2013 at 14:43.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Spot's Avatar
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    Good to see the discussion and the influence of some elders Cippy...

    Welome to TD...

    Budgets, forward planning. My best advice was from Khun Dao "Make Plan Spot" I have made the plan and have to keep reminding my Love of the Plan as she has too much time to take advice and "good Ideas" from other TG's and family... Its not thier dollars they are spending....

    Yesterday's phone call, My heart i can do Thai massage course, only 10,000 baht and can work in Australia what you think my husband?

    My response? NO.. Stick to plan.. Ok Ok I just ask my husband...

    Thankyou Khun Dao, khup khun Nah Khup...
    Ohhhh, Pigsy! You call yourself a demon? จูบก้นของฉัน Everything I post here is IMHO and IME... I am no expert....

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    Just read your OP a bit closer Cippy and it has made me think, is motivating a TG any different to motivating a farang lady or even a farang anybody for that matter.....

    This may sound a little negative but I have always found with trying to motivate people it is like the old analogy of " you can lead a horse to water........"

    I think if you are with the person everyday (wake up next to them, spend most the day with them) whilst trying to motivate them, then you maybe have a chance, but doing it long distance ??



    Reading your further posts she is not a lazy person, she has ideas, and hopefully she gives her further learning at school that she has signed up for a real go......now you need to shift from motivation to encouragement and praise !!
    The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    Cippy, i agree with both your and Spot's post's.

    The only way I can compare it is to always consider them as children, when it comes to finances.
    Would you let a 12 year old control your investment? To be honest you may get something left from a 12 yr westerner child, but not from a 36yr Thai lady. 5555
    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

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