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Thread: An Unexpected Journey

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    JDX
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    An Unexpected Journey

    For those of you that read my last trip report, you know that I spent the final two days in Patong with a massage girl.

    If you read my first trip report, you would know that I never had any intention of keeping in contact with any girl I met once I returned home.

    Needless to say, there was an instant attraction to this girl from our very first conversation. I've read quite a bit about these situations and felt that in my case, I could never make it work and it would be best to enjoy my holidays in the LOS while I'm there, nothing more. I've also read plenty about guys who seem to fall head over heels for a BG after spending very little time with them. I knew I was smarter than those guys and would never let that happen to me...555

    For the sake of this discussion, and to protect her privacy, I'll continue to refer to her as Lee. We spent a grand total of two days together at the end of my trip and have maintained continuous contact since. Most of what I know about her has been learned since I've returned home.

    About me: I'm 42 years old and I've never been married or had any kids. Most people would consider me a workaholic. I make a decent salary, but I'm solid middle class and never bother to think about my financial future. I've always lived for the here and now and don't worry too much about tomorrow. That's just how I am and in some cases it hurts me, but in others it's been rewarding.

    One of the reasons I work so much is because I have nothing else to do. I don't have any single friends, so getting out to meet new people, women especially, isn't easy anymore. That is, if I was seeking anything other than a fat middle aged westerner, which I'm not...555

    I'm still fairly young and have been thinking a lot about changing my life in the way of having a family. This makes me the perfect candidate to explore the possibility of having a relationship with a TG...555

    Even with all that said, I did not intend to begin any hint of a relationship with someone who is 10,000 miles away from me.

    About her: Lee is 31 years old. She told me when I met her that she was from Isaan, but in one of our early long distance conversations she admitted to me that she was actually originally from Laos. When she told me this, she prefaced it with "if I tell you something, will you please not be angry?". I had to brace myself...555. I was pleasantly surprised that was all she had to confess. She felt genuinely upset that she had lied to me and told me that she doesn't need to tell everyone the details of her life and saying she's from Issan is more common and easier to understand for a westerner.

    Lee left Laos at 14, moved to Bangkok and eventually ended up working in a factory. She hated it so after saving some money, went to school to learn English over a 6 month period while still working in the factory.

    When she was 19, she married a Thai man and they had a daughter not long after. With this she became a Thai citizen. He was very abusive to her, extremely jealous, would not let her do anything, while he philandered all over town.

    Eventually, she talked her husband into opening a small store for general items and take away food. She very much enjoyed the cooking aspect and it allowed her to be her own boss.

    After 9 years with her husband, she decided she had enough and filed for a divorce. It was granted, but as a result she would lose her Thai citizenry. She was happy to be away from him even at the expense of not seeing her daughter very often.

    She continued living in Bangkok, went to a school for massage and eventually ended up meeting a man from Sweden that she really liked. They met while he was on holiday and he came back to spend time with her several more times. Finally, he asked her to come to Sweden to be with him. She was granted a 3 month tourist visa, with his financial guaranteeing. So she left everything behind and went there to possibly change her life forever.

    Form the very first day she arrived in Sweden, her new BF was as cold as ice to her. It seemed he only wanted her to cook, clean, and essentially be his slave. They never went out together and he didn't even share his food with her.

    She met some Thai people in Sweden that she was able to hang out with to make the time go by over the next three months, before she ultimately used her return ticket back to Thailand to put the experience behind her forever.

    When she returned she had nothing and her heart was shattered. A friend of hers in Bangkok suggested she go to Phuket to put her massage skills to use. She was told she could make good money there. This was one year ago and brings us to our encounter.

    Over the last month and a half we have kept in very close contact. We Skype when we can, which is usually either late night for me or on the weekends. She can write decent English so we SMS throughout the day as well. One one Saturday afternoon for me, which was after work for her, we managed to video chat for a whopping 5 hours without even realizing it...555.

    We've talked about countless things and learned a lot about each other over this time. We initially started with talking about what we liked about each other, and why. For both of us it was the way could openly communicate about everything. I speak my mind freely and so does she. She once wrote to me in an SMS, "one thing I can promise you with my heart is I will not lie to you". Those words hit a soft spot with me. It's too early to really know, but so far I believe her.

    I've learned she can be brutally honest too. I mean, just the other day she even told me I wasn't very handsome...555. I mean what TG says that!?..555. But she's told me many times that she has never met anyone like me before even though she meets many people by working in a massage shop. It should go without saying we've been getting close, even from afar.

    Since my work keeps me from more than one annual visit to LOS, I thought it would make better sense to see if we could get her a tourist Visa to come and spend time with me. It's the only way we will really know if there could be more to this or not. We've talked about this extensively, although there's been a lot of hesitation on both of our parts.

    Initially I wasn't confident she wouldn't get bored off her arse here in America if she didn't have anything to do while I was working. She has since convinced me that even though she lives in the party central that is Patong, she rather be away from it.

    She knows I'm not wealthy and understands that I would have to guarantee her to make it work and I get the feeling this bothers her a little. She's also very scared of having her heart broken anymore. She had no idea the guy in Sweden would turn out the way he did.

    Now before anyone jumps to their own conclusions, some additional clarification is needed. The word "love" has never even been hinted at by either of us. We both seem to fully understand that we need to spend some time together to know if we could even maintain a long term relationship.

    She works in massage and obviously does HE, but nothing more in the shop. She will occasionally go with a customer after work, but only if she likes him and she will not sleep with them on the first night they meet. If you read my report, that's exactly what she did with me.

    She sends money home to her family in Laos every month, but only goes there once a year and truly doesn't feel that anyone in her family loves her at all. The only reason they ever even talk to her is about the money. She feels when her mother dies from old age, she will no longer support the rest of the family, which includes her father, two brothers, and a sister.

    Lee is a very beautiful, strong, and independent woman. I truly admire the way she carries herself through life and think we could get along very well.

    The tourist visa is becoming a very real possibility in the next couple months, once I've established enough funds in my bank to guarantee her and she has in hand the paperwork for her property in Laos and her daughter. What happens beyond that is anyone's guess, but there's plenty of hurdles to get through first without thinking too far ahead. I think we both understand this well.

    I know this is a long read, but if you've managed to get through it I am always interested in the thoughts of the more seasoned BM's here and welcome your comments.

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Mr. Smiley's Avatar
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    Well, nothing ventured nothing gained. Certainly seems like a viable option if all the paper work checks out. Besides Patong will be in slow during the summer/fall so it'll work for her to check things out Stateside. It'll give you a decent reason to come back for the X-mas holidays as well. Not that I miss drinking with you or anything, 555
    Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

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    Nice read, personally I think you've skipped a lot of potential issues due to her age and experience, so the rest seems pretty straight-forward.

    Is her daughter with her ex? Does she want her back if so? Does she want more kids? Do you want kids? Seems like some big decisions ahead with regards to family but this tourist visa sounds like a good first step anyway - living together will give you a good idea whether it's everything you wanted, or not.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Smiley View Post
    Well, nothing ventured nothing gained. Certainly seems like a viable option if all the paper work checks out. Besides Patong will be in slow during the summer/fall so it'll work for her to check things out Stateside. It'll give you a decent reason to come back for the X-mas holidays as well. Not that I miss drinking with you or anything, 555
    555...you know I'd be back there today to have a drink with you again if I could, Bobby.

    I don't need a reason to return to LOS for the holidays, well maybe I do but I think it goes without saying...555. This does bring up an interesting point though. If I were there, I certainly wouldn't be any hurry to find a GF, but the reality is I'm here where having Lee with me could be a great thing for both of us in many ways.

    I've also given serious consideration to setting up shop somewhere in SE Asia, but I've been making some strategic career moves lately that would be stupid to abandon at this point. I think I'm a little caught between two worlds though and trying to find the middle ground. Don't get me wrong, nothing between Lee and I fells the least bit forced, we've both been careful in how we've approached this.

    I'm sure the visa process is going to be a b!tch, but as you say nothing ventured nothing gained.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NeedHoliday View Post
    Nice read, personally I think you've skipped a lot of potential issues due to her age and experience, so the rest seems pretty straight-forward.

    Is her daughter with her ex? Does she want her back if so? Does she want more kids? Do you want kids? Seems like some big decisions ahead with regards to family but this tourist visa sounds like a good first step anyway - living together will give you a good idea whether it's everything you wanted, or not.
    Thanks NH. Her daughter is with her ex and his wife. I think she wanted to get her back at one point, but being a Laos citizen while her ex is Thai, she feels its impossible. Lee went to Bangkok to visit her last month for 5 days. It makes her sad that she spends so little time with her daughter but she feels the stepmom is good to her and she will have a good life with them.

    As far as kids go, Lee wants to have and raise a family. I've been undecided on this for a long time, but it always came down to if I had the right woman that I would have a kid or two. I'm running out of time though, in my opinion, as soon enough I'll feel to old to raise kids.

    I think having her here on a Visa just to see how things develop relationship wise is the only way to go at this point. There's still plenty of time to decide as well, since we both agreed we wouldn't even start the process for a couple months.

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    .....I think having her here on a Visa just to see how things develop relationship wise is the only way to go at this point. There's still plenty of time to decide as well, since we both agreed we wouldn't even start the process for a couple months.....

    Thanks for sharing, I'll keep my comments brief, but these are all the right words JDX, good luck with it.

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    A nice read JDX,
    I look forward to the future developements. I am about to embark on a similar adventure. I have met a lovely TG from Chiang Mai, age difference 58/36 but she was previously married to a thai man about 15 years older than her. He treated her like crap. I'm meeting her soon for our first extended holiday and will be going to Singapore for a few days (her first trip outside of Thailand) and then Patong for 6 nights.

    I met her on TLL and every thing now is just going along nicely.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    Well JDK, Welcome to the Club 55555

    We all/most of us here did not expect to find ourselves in the situation you are now in, but did 5555

    I think the visa is the way to go if you can get one, I believe it's hard in US. Keep reports on all your Skype and text etc. Maybe start sending her some small amounts each week, to show support, she can keep it for the visa fees, so not really sponsorship, but will show that way with the application as you will have bank records to show.

    I guess you both need to be sure of where you may go, is she happy to leave LOS and live in US, seems she was going to do that with the Sweed so it may not be a problem to her.

    You obviously, at this stage, can't packup and move there so it will be on her to change.

    I don't know US time frames for partner visa's but here in Aust. it takes around 10 months from lodgement, so if your's is similar or longer, you will need to talk it thru with her, and also see at what intervals you can get over there to her. I and all the guys here can tell you, a long distance relationship is hard, it can do your head in, it needs so much trust and effort on both sides.

    I'm sure the 3 months will be brilliant for you both, find out where the local Asian supermarkets are as food is the big thing for TG's, also see where the local temple is, ask at the local Thai takeaway. Go to temple with her and you will both meet local Thai's that will look after her while your working, take her shopping, bring her over to cook together etc.

    I think you have been lucky in finding one that can speak English, communication is a big thing, and that she has tried going overseas once already, so not such a scary thing for her.

    Good luck, I hope some of the US BM's can help advise you on the visa process.

    As you say, you have been and would continue to monger, we here all were/are the same, but then someone comes along that makes it worthwhile to give it away, hope she is the one for you.
    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

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    If you are a workaholic and only get a few weeks off a year, then a TV will be the best 3 months you may have ever had! Nothing really to think about!!! Get on with it. 555

    Don't worry about her boredom, which I was worried about prior to CJ's visit..if she is adventurous, then she will get out and explore, and if not then make sure she has a Thai TV app and her ingredients and all will be sweet. Whilst it is sad that she is not connected with family, it will make it easier for her on a TV. And she may make strong connections with your family. CJ communicates more with my mum now than I do!

    Have a read of "Thai dreaming no longer"...many things you worry about don't happen, and often the opposite happens.

    The visa may be hard to get given the limited time together, but nothing like a challenge.
    "Don't wait around for your life to happen to you. Find something that makes you happy and do it. Everything else is just background noise." George Mason

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    Great read JDX, nice honest post that alot of us here can relate to.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oldmanemu View Post
    A nice read JDX,
    I look forward to the future developements. I am about to embark on a similar adventure. I have met a lovely TG from Chiang Mai, age difference 58/36 but she was previously married to a thai man about 15 years older than her. He treated her like crap. I'm meeting her soon for our first extended holiday and will be going to Singapore for a few days (her first trip outside of Thailand) and then Patong for 6 nights.

    I met her on TLL and every thing now is just going along nicely.
    Just like my story OME, we are about to have TV2 in a few weeks and having a TGF is one of the best experiences of my life

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    Good on ya Jim, I'm routing for you. Life unexpected journey's turn out to be the best, I have found.

    I am in the same boat you are, 40, single with no kids and starting regret it where it was the a point of pride just a short time ago. Finding a young beautiful women in Thailand who wants to start a family was something I just could find back in the states. It feels like a second chance and I have never been with anybody quite so devoted to me. I hope you have found the same.


    I'll be starting the visa process soon and will let you know how it goes.

    Chock Dee!
    Last edited by Cippy; 10th May 2013 at 20:25.
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    I don't know if you read Kuhio's story on PI JDX? Getting his girl into Fortress America? Was well worth a read. Unlike how easy it is for Australian BMs... the process in the US sounds long and protracted... but you'll certainly appreciate it at the end.

    Good luck!
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    Quote Originally Posted by justcruzing1 View Post
    Well JDK, Welcome to the Club 55555

    We all/most of us here did not expect to find ourselves in the situation you are now in, but did 5555

    I think the visa is the way to go if you can get one, I believe it's hard in US. Keep reports on all your Skype and text etc. Maybe start sending her some small amounts each week, to show support, she can keep it for the visa fees, so not really sponsorship, but will show that way with the application as you will have bank records to show.

    I guess you both need to be sure of where you may go, is she happy to leave LOS and live in US, seems she was going to do that with the Sweed so it may not be a problem to her.

    You obviously, at this stage, can't packup and move there so it will be on her to change.

    I don't know US time frames for partner visa's but here in Aust. it takes around 10 months from lodgement, so if your's is similar or longer, you will need to talk it thru with her, and also see at what intervals you can get over there to her. I and all the guys here can tell you, a long distance relationship is hard, it can do your head in, it needs so much trust and effort on both sides.

    I'm sure the 3 months will be brilliant for you both, find out where the local Asian supermarkets are as food is the big thing for TG's, also see where the local temple is, ask at the local Thai takeaway. Go to temple with her and you will both meet local Thai's that will look after her while your working, take her shopping, bring her over to cook together etc.

    I think you have been lucky in finding one that can speak English, communication is a big thing, and that she has tried going overseas once already, so not such a scary thing for her.

    Good luck, I hope some of the US BM's can help advise you on the visa process.

    As you say, you have been and would continue to monger, we here all were/are the same, but then someone comes along that makes it worthwhile to give it away, hope she is the one for you.
    Thanks JC. I know the process will be difficult for the Visa application, but here's what we have going for us in our favor:

    She owns property and a nice house in Pakse, Laos. She has a daughter in Bangkok. She keeps around 150,000 baht in her bank account. She used to have closer to 500,000 but used most of it when she went to Sweden. She has no debt. I plan to have approximately $15,000.00 US in my account to guarantee her while she's here. I believe I can write a pretty solid letter of invite and intention.

    What we don't have going for us is our short time spent together and the fact that she works at a massage parlor.

    As far as a future partner / fiance Visa, that's not even on my radar yet...555. first thing's first.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nomad View Post
    If you are a workaholic and only get a few weeks off a year, then a TV will be the best 3 months you may have ever had! Nothing really to think about!!! Get on with it. 555

    Don't worry about her boredom, which I was worried about prior to CJ's visit..if she is adventurous, then she will get out and explore, and if not then make sure she has a Thai TV app and her ingredients and all will be sweet. Whilst it is sad that she is not connected with family, it will make it easier for her on a TV. And she may make strong connections with your family. CJ communicates more with my mum now than I do!

    Have a read of "Thai dreaming no longer"...many things you worry about don't happen, and often the opposite happens.

    The visa may be hard to get given the limited time together, but nothing like a challenge.
    Initially, I worried about the boredom factor, but she has convinced me that won't be a problem for her. I'm sure she can meet some local Thai people to communicate with as well.

    Believe it or not, she never watches TV...555. I will read your suggested thread and learn as much as I can here.

    Thanks, Nomad!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rivo View Post
    Great read JDX, nice honest post that alot of us here can relate to.
    Thanks Rivo, I thought there would be some familiarities...555

    Quote Originally Posted by Cilla View Post
    Just like my story OME, we are about to have TV2 in a few weeks and having a TGF is one of the best experiences of my life
    I'm thinking this could be an excellent experience for me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cippy View Post
    Good on ya Jim, I'm routing for you. Life unexpected journey's turn out to be the best, I have found.

    I am in the same boat you are, 40, single with no kids and starting regret it where it was the a point of pride just a short time ago. Finding a young beautiful women in Thailand who wants to start a family was something I just could find back in the states. It feels like a second chance and I have never been with anybody quite so devoted to me. I hope you have found the same.


    I'll be starting the visa process soon and will let you know how it goes.

    Chock Dee!
    Thanks Cippy! Regret versus pride, when it comes to having a family? I'm somewhere in the middle. As with everything in life, there's pros and cons to both.

    I'm very interested in how you make out and will appreciate anything you're willing to share in the process. On that note, I'm putting you post from Smiley's thread to respond to as this is the better place for it...555

    Quote Originally Posted by Cippy View Post
    Déjà vu! 555, I can't say you are taking the road less traveled. You will have lots of company here . . . .

    I'm just looking into a tourist visa myself, it is a daunting task. I am actually going the lawyer route to try and get around the "20,000 USD in the bank account for the last three months" rule.
    1st off, I thought you were married to your TG? If so, why the need for a tourist visa? Regarding the 20k for the past three months in the bank, where did you get this from? In my reading, I was understanding I would need to show i can supprt her for the time she is here and I've read anywhere from $5k to $10k would be enough depending on the length of stay. I may need to do like you if that is a mandatory rule.

    This question can be for anyone: Is there a difference between the rules or process for a Laos citizen versus a Thai? Is it easier or more difficult? She will most likely do her interview in Vientiane. I've read that can be easier than Bangkok, even though it's still a crap shoot.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    I don't know if you read Kuhio's story on PI JDX? Getting his girl into Fortress America? Was well worth a read. Unlike how easy it is for Australian BMs... the process in the US sounds long and protracted... but you'll certainly appreciate it at the end.

    Good luck!
    I may have read some of that DP, I can't remember. Was he going for the tourist or fiance Visa though?

    thanks for the well wishes!

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by JDX View Post
    I may have read some of that DP, I can't remember. Was he going for the tourist or fiance Visa though?

    thanks for the well wishes!
    I think they are married... so the latter... then the extra complication of the daughter. Was a good insight into the process though. But hell, you'll at least learn a lot about each other during it...

    and will this be the end of the great JDX adventure stories?
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    and will this be the end of the great JDX adventure stories?
    555...I have mixed feelings about this DP. Half of me says no...there are many great adventure stories to come. The other half of me says, either way, there is certainly more adventure in store for me down the road. I like to think of it as a no lose situation. If things don't work out with Lee or I can't get her here, I go back to the mongering travels...555. If things do work out with her, that means I'm happy and won't need to think about anything else for now...555

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