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Thread: So you found a girl?

  1. #21
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Sorry to change tact here with a question. Was just reading on another site and the old watch out for the sick "Water Buffalo" was mentioned in a post, as it is in numerous.

    Well it got me thinking, have been chatting to a TG on Skype lately and we have just exchanged some photo's, I received a lovely picture of her, and I did also ask for some pictures of where she lives, and received the temple shot, the rice field and "This is my buffolo photo". Should I be suspicious or am I reading too much into this. I ask the question here as I want to know what BM"s think for real.

    Nothing has been said for me to be suspicious though, I'm thinking I may be drawing a long bow
    cheers
    Last edited by Arliss Michaels; 13th March 2011 at 14:20.
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  2. #22
    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    ^If she ever asked for money i would worry but not until that time.
    .

  3. #23
    Foundation Member Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Gazmac's Avatar
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    what a terrible thing to have happen ! Keep moving forward and hopefully this will work out for you ! Good luck for the future !

  4. #24
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    Sorry to change tact here with a question. Was just reading on another site and the old watch out for the sick "Water Buffalo" was mentioned in a post, as it is in numerous.

    Well it got me thinking, have been chatting to a TG on Skype lately and we have just exchanged some photo's, I received a lovely picture of her, and I did also ask for some pictures of where she lives, and received the temple shot, the rice field and "This is my buffolo photo". Should I be suspicious or am I reading too much into this. I ask the question here as I want to know what BM"s think for real.

    Nothing has been said for me to be suspicious though, I'm thinking I may be drawing a long bow
    cheers
    The Buffalo is a major asset for a Thai from Isaan.... I wouldn't read to much into it.. My GF has around 10 and I was fortunate to be there for the birth of her latest, it was a monumental moment for her as her stocks just increased.... so even if the old sick buffalo routine is played out, personally if it was genuine, I could understand their concern... it would be the equivelant of watching your stocks disappear due to the Global Financial Crisis

  5. #25
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Thanks for the replies, I think I let the mind wander to much, early days yet but like where it is going. I'm guessing Buriram is similar to Isaan. Don't want to read up too much on things yet, as gives less things to chat about.
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  6. #26
    Windy
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    Thanks for the replies, I think I let the mind wander to much, early days yet but like where it is going. I'm guessing Buriram is similar to Isaan. Don't want to read up too much on things yet, as gives less things to chat about.
    Buriram is actually a part of Isaan. Isaan is the whole of the north east of Thailand, its not a city but a region.

  7. #27
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Windy View Post
    Buriram is actually a part of Isaan. Isaan is the whole of the north east of Thailand, its not a city but a region.
    Thanks for that, some reading is required on my part.

    Now i cannot say my TG (maybe) is different. She is from Isaan too 555
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  8. #28
    Windy
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    I think most Thai Girls are good and make great girl friends, but as always their background will affect this. Working in Pattya or any other munger place can ruin them very fast, and I realy believe the quote "You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl". Thiis is what I believe finished my first marriage. Once they get used the the 'Bar scene' being just a normal housewife will not cut it, it's normally just too boring.
    This is of cause different for each girl, and I hope some people here have some good experiencies.
    Last edited by Windy; 13th March 2011 at 19:37. Reason: pissed

  9. #29
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    I also think Windy that if she starts hanging out with a few ex BG's here in OZ you will be destined for trouble... we have a good social support base here in Melb, most of the girls are good girls and they know how to have fun on a regular basis... they also offer the religious needs and also an outlet for an emotional outburst if required... I spoke to a lady the other day and her son has a Thai wife, she has no Thai friends what so ever, apparently she has stacked on the weight from eating western food, she never goes to the temple because he wont drive her and she is always homesick as she has no like minded friends..

  10. #30
    Windy
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatongBeachBoy View Post
    I also think Windy that if she starts hanging out with a few ex BG's here in OZ you will be destined for trouble... we have a good social support base here in Melb, most of the girls are good girls and they know how to have fun on a regular basis... they also offer the religious needs and also an outlet for an emotional outburst if required... I spoke to a lady the other day and her son has a Thai wife, she has no Thai friends what so ever, apparently she has stacked on the weight from eating western food, she never goes to the temple because he wont drive her and she is always homesick as she has no like minded friends..
    Yes I agree, a TG new to Aust needs all the help she can get and as you say the wrong group of Thai people can be very bad or very good early on.

  11. #31
    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Windy View Post
    Yes I agree, a TG new to Aust needs all the help she can get and as you say the wrong group of Thai people can be very bad or very good early on.
    Mrs W had been invited to go out with some of the local girls here she had met she declined as she did not feel that they were girls she would like to socialize with regards they would go look for Farang to go boom boom with behind Hubbies backs.
    I said does this go on much and she tells me some but not all.
    Good and bad but if your girl is level headed should be fine.
    .

  12. #32
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    Hi all ,Windy i know this is an old post but just reading it i offer my condolences to you mate I am divorced from my filipino wife now but if anything happened like this i would be shattered ,i was in the same mind set as you i used to ask myself the question do i have the right to take you away from your family and friends ,many many times i asked this to myself ,she left me for another younger man but it doesnt mean i hate her ,life is a funny thing these little b*(*)*&^%% ds will now spend the rest of there days in prison unless he angels get to them first for trying to implicate them in a murder ,it is a pity our goals are not like the big tiger in bkk

  13. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Windy View Post
    I think most Thai Girls are good and make great girl friends, but as always their background will affect this. Working in Pattya or any other munger place can ruin them very fast
    Hmm, yes this seems to be the common outlook and advice. I'm in the very early stages of a relationship with a "freelancer" TG - all the old hands out there are telling me "run away, run away" (Monty Python quote) - reading some of the forum sites out there can really demoralise you.

    I've come to this forum because having read some of the posts here there is not just a jet black view, frankly, its refreshing. Plenty of caution being advised, and thats great, but not straight out negativity.

    I can't make sane decisions and think properly about things if there is nothing but thinly veiled contempt and super negativity to work with.


    Quote Originally Posted by Windy View Post
    and I realy believe the quote "You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl". Thiis is what I believe finished my first marriage. Once they get used the the 'Bar scene' being just a normal housewife will not cut it, it's normally just too boring.
    And I'm really interested in tales like this. The general advice to me is that if your intended has been working the scene more than a few months you're doomed. Geez, my lady has been in the business at least 3 years, more likely reaching up as high as 7 in one form or another. She's now in her early thirties.

    You're quote above is one of my major concerns. Whilst my TG doesn't work the bar, she probably did when she was younger and has just moved on from that to other sectors of the same business, she's still pretty used to the whole night life scene. At some point, if things progress, I'll want to get her out here for a look at Oz. There's no city in Australia that holds a shadow against BKK for night-time goings on or general energy levels.

    Having read of heap of background on this whole theme it doesn't seem reasonable to me to pull a TG out of that life and dump her into the suburbs of an Aussie city. We're too disconnected here and the culture shock, I can well imagine, is probably just too much to expect to get through. So, any future with her would have to include large portions of time here _and_ in Thailand. I don't have any binding ties here, but my work and income is Australia based and its not realistic to think I can move in the short term and still be financially responsible.

    One of the biggest pieces of advice, aside from "run now" seems to be to not leave your TG alone in a place like BKK ... alone and bored ... the temptation is just going to be too much. So, if things are to progress, and one is to indeed try to pull the bar out of the bar girl, being physically together seems an important strategy.

    Any advice from guys who have been here before on how to make a strong effort to keep your girl from getting insanely bored and lonely so far from home?


    Quote Originally Posted by Windy View Post
    This is of cause different for each girl, and I hope some people here have some good experiencies.
    The old hands keep beating me to death with "oh, heres yet _another_ newbie with a tale about how his TBG is different from the rest" - they've seen failure so often that they are well hardened and just don't want to spend any time with someone like me who is really going to pursue trying to make something work with a TBG.

    I read a post elsewhere on this forum that essentially said that we shouldn't be at all surprised that a lot of the girls working the business come across as hardened cash milkers, they've almost certainly been exposed to guys who've promised anything and everything and delivered nothing - so there is little reason for any sort of trust from either side.

    My tale is much the same, first meet was all about the money and 'presents'. But we got past most of that in the course of about a week. Despite me saying I was coming back, she had little reason to believe me. So, a little time passed between first and second meet up, and yes, as expected, she hit me up for money, which I refused (some of the background research can really help prepare you, its not all bad advice). No problem from her, and I thought it would be a _big_ problem.

    So second week together the tone changed significantly. Some trust developing perhaps? I said I was coming back and here I am? Still too early to tell perhaps...

    Anyway, its still about the money, but why wouldn't it be? Early days and she has to live - but the subtle (or not!) presents/gifts thing has dropped away to easily manageable 'token' levels and in fact there is a shift away from this to finding ways to actually save me money.

    Third meet is coming in about a weeks time. This one will be for two straight weeks. She's excited, frankly, so am I, even more inventive ideas coming from her on how to save me some cash to 'keep for future'. I know her real (non working name), where she lives, I've been there, and where her family lives up north of BKK. I have photos of the family that stretch across the 3 months I've known her, so I'm pretty confident that they are real and not randoms. I'm also pretty adept at internet research, everyone who connects leaves a footprint, so, I've done my PI style investigation and its all gels so far. She tells me, just this week, that she's introduced me via photos to her family ... can't tell of course if this is really true - seems risky from her point, but there it is. Asked me lots of questions that are reasonably subtle, but if you link them together, have to do with my stability, both financial and otherwise - might be meaningless, who can say?

    Though language is an issue, she speaks good enough bar-girl english that ideas and thoughts can be reasonably easily transferred. During the last physical meetup ideas relating to future boyfriend/girlfriend status were covered; I was pretty surprised that her view is to take things slow; I admit I was surprised. Having boned up on all the negativity of so many forums that cover this subject I expected her to be pretty keen to rush right into becoming the 'girlfriend' as an obvious strategy. Nope, I was wrong there.

    So theres a little background; I'm pretty open and need knowledge, so happy to provide more detail that might help others to give useful opinions.

    My difficulty now, and the major reason for my post is this: I've got to be honest with myself; I'm pretty keen to see where this goes. I'm being positive, but keeping cautious too. Whats a reasonable strategy to transition from a 'friend' who visits regularly, to 'girlfriend', in a way thats going to satisfy both our needs? For mine, GF is a prelude to further advancement in a relationship ... again, have to be honest with myself even whilst trying my hardest to be culturally sensitive - I'm a product of my own upbringing and cultural norms, I'm not going to be able to get to GF/BF status and still accept that she works the business.

    The common solution seems to be to 'pay' your BG a monthly stipend to keep her out of the bar. But this just seems a recipe for disaster given so much anecdotal evidence that it simply doesn't work - the girls, even if they try for a while, end up bored and lonely, even if they go home to the country for a while, the distant Farang guy just gets eaten alive by fear and doubt that she's simply milking him and working anyway - so this doesn't seem like a winning strategy for anyone.

    Whats some decent advice, from those who have tread this path before and had a win? Its unreasonable for me to simply link BF/GF status with not working on her part. There has to be a better solution that provides the required security to both parties.

  14. #34
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Nomad's Avatar
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    WTTB...this must be close to the longest first post in TD history (which is not a bad thing)!

    I will keep it brief...sounds like you have already read too much, and are thinking too too too far ahead (not that I could be ever accused of that!). Enjoy the journey, and the destination will sort itself out in Thai time.
    "Don't wait around for your life to happen to you. Find something that makes you happy and do it. Everything else is just background noise." George Mason

  15. #35
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    This is just my advice Zane... not the forum's....

    I agree with Nomad above^

    Plus...

    1) In the early stages don't get hung up on trust issues. Until you are physically with her either in Australia or in Thailand and there is a commitment to being together, than anything goes. The general TG mentality is to keep all her options open until she has a husband 100%. You should share this relaxed attitude to love.

    2) You have two options. Live with her in Thailand or bring her to your home country. Sponsorship when you are apart is for men who have too much money to play with.

    3) Relax. Get to know her. Don't make any demands. Let her live her life how she currently is and you live yours... go see her, get to know her and when you feel you want to make a commitment... either bring her to Australia on a 3 month visa or go live in Thailand. Whatever works for you...

    By the way... what is your age and her age? As this can affect dynamics too...
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


  16. #36
    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    WTTB Zane Nomad has already given you great advise the journey is a blast.
    Here is a place that you can ask those questions without fear of ridicule and when you do we all learn.

    W.
    .

  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nomad View Post
    WTTB...this must be close to the longest first post in TD history (which is not a bad thing)!
    Heh

    Its not the first post of this type I've made on the net. Initially the posts were much shorter, but there needs to be a certain amount of background info to have anyone respond in a useful way.


    Quote Originally Posted by Nomad View Post
    I will keep it brief...sounds like you have already read too much, and are thinking too too too far ahead (not that I could be ever accused of that!). Enjoy the journey, and the destination will sort itself out in Thai time.
    Sure. I get it. This is not the first time I've heard this either, and I do understand. But the thing is, advice is useful. I've been prevented already from making serious cross cultural errors by extensive reading and some reasonable advice. One doesn't propose marriage to a western girl after two weeks of 'together time' and there is no reason to believe its different in Thailand either or that it should be. People are saying, wait 12 months, see where you both are - very reasonable in almost all situations, either here where I live or elsewhere. I'm not trying to make a decision by the end of this week hehehe, but I need to think about the journey I am keen to embark on.

    I don't think well on my feet in matters of the heart. I'm ex-military, many years ago, I can get a job done in a heartbeat, no bother there, but emotional stuff I need to ponder and think about else serious errors can be made (by me) in either good or bad directions.

  18. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    1) In the early stages don't get hung up on trust issues. Until you are physically with her either in Australia or in Thailand and there is a commitment to being together, than anything goes. The general TG mentality is to keep all her options open until she has a husband 100%. You should share this relaxed attitude to love.
    Good advice. I understand it. Its equivalent to having several girlfriends (for me) and keeping my options wide open until one rises from the pack as an obvious click/match. I get it. Thats where we are right now and will be for some time no doubt. She's pretty darn honest, I didn't expect that at all. No attempt whatsoever to hide or even lightly conceal her business from me. Likewise, she knows I have lady interests at home; though she quizzes me about that relentlessly. I'm a mature guy, nothing much in my long long baggage train which I'm all that unhappy to reveal, so, when quizzed like this I tell her, on the proviso she tells me as well, haha, pretty cheeky I know. So, she does, and so do I. But things have to progress, at their own pace sure, but at some point you have to edge a bit closer to BF/GF than simply holiday buddies right?


    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    2) You have two options. Live with her in Thailand or bring her to your home country. Sponsorship when you are apart is for men who have too much money to play with.
    Sponsorship - it just doesn't seem to work ... and why would it? I can't really see how this would work well at any part of a relationship.

    Am I over analysing your point 2) above to take from that that when we're ready, whenever that is, to move from where we are to BF/GF that _this_ is the time to either move there or have her come here? If so, on the outset, it seems a reasonable plan. Both need to know each other in a normal, not holiday, setting, and both will need some security ... in a form that works for both obviously. I would have thought that there would be serious VISA related issues to having your long term GF stay in Australia though ... this is something else I don't know much about.


    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    3) Relax. Get to know her. Don't make any demands. Let her live her life how she currently is and you live yours... go see her, get to know her and when you feel you want to make a commitment... either bring her to Australia on a 3 month visa or go live in Thailand. Whatever works for you...
    Ahh, now, maybe this is scraping the surface of a gap in my knowledge. In Australia, GF status is where you get when things look like they are maybe going to go somewhere. Its by no means a marriage proposal or anything close. People are not always monogamous at this stage, but it might come up, depends on the couple. Regardless, its a milestone step to take. Whats the deal in Thailand? Is it about as casual as here or is it more of a pre-fiancée thing? ie; a fair bit more serious?


    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    By the way... what is your age and her age? As this can affect dynamics too...
    I'm 45, she's 32.

    I'm divorced now, have been for 3-4 years after 10 years of what was, for vast majority of it, a pretty good marriage. It might be important to mention that I married my first wife within 12 months. The marriage ended for reasons unrelated to the (relatively) short lead time.
    Last edited by Zane; 20th March 2013 at 22:49.

  19. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by wabbits View Post
    Here is a place that you can ask those questions without fear of ridicule and when you do we all learn.
    Thanks.

    This is the reason I'm here. I read over some posts and it seems like this is a positive place to discuss real-life issues without being beaten to death by "mongers". Its a complex area this, with many angles which are strange for someone who is well travelled but still (obviously) strongly influenced by his home culture and norms.

  20. #40
    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zane View Post
    Thanks.

    This is the reason I'm here. I read over some posts and it seems like this is a positive place to discuss real-life issues without being beaten to death by "mongers". Its a complex area this, with many angles which are strange for someone who is well travelled but still (obviously) strongly influenced by his home culture and norms.
    And the further in you get the more this becomes apparent.55555
    Its a hard journey in a lot of ways and there maybe easier paths to love.
    But for me I would not have it any other way.

    PS ex army boy similar age to me...
    .

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