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Thread: The Inevitable Funeral

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    The Inevitable Funeral

    I don't think i have shared too much personal stories on this forum, so thought this occurance that just happened would be a good way to pass some personal experience on.

    My wife's father passed last week from a motor bike accident
    I titled it Inevitable because the way he lived his life, we always knew he wouldn't live a full one and i knew how my wife would react to her 1st big death in her family.
    Now, for full disclosure, i have to say that this guy was just a very evil, peetty, abusive man. He has done nothing but caused trouble in my wife's life. Everything bad that has happened to her in her life, it was mostly caused by him.From having to uproot his family by his crimes, to forcing her out of school early(not out of necessity but out of pettiness and ignorance) and other horrible matters better left private.
    I think over the years, she has come to terms with it and their relationship evolved from that. They didn't have a constant relationship anymore but she still made efforts to stay in touch in a cordial way.

    So she got a call last Sunday afternoon that her dad was on life support. So my 1st thought was to get on-line and look at possible flights, even before she made it back from where she called me from. There was even a flight later that night that i started to make a reservation for, it would have had her on a flight about 10hrs after the initial call.
    But, there were complications. I was about to hit send to book and pay for the reservation when i remembered that Ao didn't have a visa to re-enter Canada. She just got her new work permit 2 months ago but we then had to apply for a new Temporary Residents Visa to go along with that, which allows her to come and go from Canada. We put the application "in country" and were waiting on it. Her leaving would negate that application and she would then have to re-apply "out of country". Chances are she will get the TRV easy enough in BKK with her valid and current WP and her dad's death certificate. But, I am a worry wort when it comes to visas and always think of worse case scenarios. So even though this is the 1st big loss in her family, does she jeopardize everything she has worked for in Canada for a man that has caused her such grief in her life? Some people would say it is a no brainer, but i think you have to look long term also. Now i am pretty sure my wife would know my thoughts on this but there was no way i was putting my opinion in there. All i did was lay out all the scenarios from the ideal of going home to be with her family and lay her dad to rest to the slight chance and worse case scenario of her not getting the visa to come back, for some reason. But the decision was 100% up to her with no judgement on my side. She said she definitely wanted to go, so i booked a flight for the next day. I was actually surprised at how reasonable the price was for last minute on one of our preferred airlines.
    The next morning i called Immigration and although i can't speak to them specifically about her case i laid out the situation and they were very nice and supportive about what she would need to do.
    She got her flight the next day but bummer of all bummers, her dad passed away 1hr before she arrived in Thailand. I didn't agree with the family keeping him on life support when the doctor gave them no hope of survival but once they did, i was hoping she'd make it there before he passed. I was in the room when my mom passed, and even though we had a much better relationship than my wife did with her father, i still wanted her to have that moment that i did.

    Now on to the funeral/cremation and life insurance. My wife had taken out life insurance on her dad a couple years ago because she knew she would be facing this sooner than later and she also knew she'd be expected to cover almost 100% of the cost. This is where there was a bit of a question/debate by one of the BM's at AI, he was saying she/we were gambling on her father's death. I just think my wife was smart and knew she'd be responsible for the costs.
    And, with the exception of a good amount given from his former work mates who attended, my wife had to pay for 100% of the costs. Now i know it was known she was getting insurance, but just as they do when she goes home for holidays, her brothers and sisters wouldn't even put their hands in their pocket for 50baht for a bag of ice! And of course, through all of this, her manipulative aunt borrowed 5k, promptly lost it and asked for another 5k. How does she ask my wife to borrow money in the middle of her brother's and my wife's dad's funeral? I actually like her bothers and sisters but i just don't get them, that they will never even put out 50baht out of their pockets when my wife is around.
    So, after a long week, made longer by the holiday last Monday, they got through it. My wife has to do some paperwork for the insurance but she says the rep has been fantastic in helping her with matters and her mom told her to make sure she takes insurance out on her!!
    She will be in Thailand for another 2 weeks and i am very proud how she handled herself. I think it was obviously an emotional time, but she needed to be there and now we will deal with, hopefully, an easy visa back

    PS- I will say it was hard for me to find the right level of compassion. I don't mean that to sound crude, but i have had a lot of death in my family, some very tragic. So when you have experienced that, and then having to console someone who hasn't had to deal with death as you have, it is hard to fight the correct level. I think i am very good on focusing on the task at hand through the emotion but hard to figure out the correct level of emotion, if that makes sense. I think the way i feel about her dad complicated it also. God or Buddha forbid, if her mom passed, my emotions would be closer to my wife's because i care for her mom.


    Anyways, i don't think i have divulged too much personal/relationship on here and felt i should relay our latest event

  2. #2
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Thanks for your sharing.

    Sounds a difficult position to be in for you, and by reading I get the impression he was not one of your favourite people, and can understand why, but at the same time need to support your wife, and I think anyone that goes through a family death needs a "rock", and in your case the Immi just throws another spanner in the works, and could have got complicated if shot off before checking that out.

    Re the family, I did see in another post here, IIRC Jonty replied in a similar topic re regular farming out cash to family, very unfair on your wife, but at some stage thinking the size 10 needs to be put down .
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Nomad's Avatar
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    All the best to Ao, and good luck for a quick visa resolution.
    "Don't wait around for your life to happen to you. Find something that makes you happy and do it. Everything else is just background noise." George Mason

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    Cadet Gold Tyrion's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing Marc.

    When my wife's father died it all seemed surreal to me. He was a good man who I liked and a good father as well, I wasn't prepared for the Buddhist reaction to death, which was more celebration than sadness.
    When my wife said the whole service would go for three to five days I was dreading what lay ahead. But we arrived at the temple in Bangkok it was more like a party atmosphere, everyone drinking and eating and having a good time, and this went on for three days!

    The only solemn occasion was when he was being cremated and all the family did laps of the temple whilst this was happening.

    Yeah, tough to be the rock when you have no idea what's going on and everyone around you is acting so different to what you are used to and expect.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    Thanks for the story Marc and my condolences to Ao.

    Despite all the bad history, he was still her father and she would have been twisted and torn in two emotional directions.

    I think you handled it excellently, you kept your feelings for him away from any choices she had to make.

    I hope the visa/reentry, is a breeze for her.
    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    Marc/ Paule if I may offer my thoughts for Ao and you at this time. I am passionate about the human toll on the roads in LOS Whatever the person. Really appreciate you sharing.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear mate,please pass on my commiseration to Ao.
    FACE YOUR FEARS LIVE YOUR DREAMS

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Zablive's Avatar
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    Well handled Paul.
    Condolences to Ao and Best wishes for the return visa.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    Thanks for your sharing.

    Sounds a difficult position to be in for you, and by reading I get the impression he was not one of your favourite people, and can understand why, but at the same time need to support your wife, and I think anyone that goes through a family death needs a "rock", .
    unfortunately i have suffered very big losses in my family, so i got the "rock" part down pat
    i think i could work on the "pillow" part though 555

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyrion View Post
    Thanks for sharing Marc.

    When my wife's father died it all seemed surreal to me. He was a good man who I liked and a good father as well, I wasn't prepared for the Buddhist reaction to death, which was more celebration than sadness.
    When my wife said the whole service would go for three to five days I was dreading what lay ahead. But we arrived at the temple in Bangkok it was more like a party atmosphere, everyone drinking and eating and having a good time, and this went on for three days!

    The only solemn occasion was when he was being cremated and all the family did laps of the temple whilst this was happening.

    Yeah, tough to be the rock when you have no idea what's going on and everyone around you is acting so different to what you are used to and expect.
    well, i did not attend
    just no way to get away on such short notice
    but believe me, if God forbiod it was her mom, i'd be on the plane over
    sort of like that thread i think JC started, which funerals do you go to
    well, if it ever happened to her mom, there is no question i'd be there

    but we were talking and she agreed, i think i would have been more of a hinderance than a help
    she had so much to do, then she'd be worried about me too

    you remarked about the Buddhist ways, but I have to say, my wife seems a bit more emotional than most that people refer to but she has always been emotional

    if i am being honest, part of me didn't want her to even chance jeopardizing her visa status, but i don't think she could have missed her father's funeral

  11. #11
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zablive View Post
    Well handled Paul.
    Condolences to Ao and Best wishes for the return visa.
    Bring back the like button.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    by the way
    thanks for the wishes, i will pass them on, especially since she knows some of you

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear it. Very healthy of Ao to look past any wrongs her father has done her in the past. It's a testament to her character.

    Ridiculous to call taking out life insurance gambling on death. Chances are 100% for all of us on a long enough timeline. People who don't prepare for eventualities puzzle me. I had a friend who thought I was crazy for having a will, called it morbid. Not having a will because you don't want to think about death, not having a prenup because it isn't romantic is inviting future pain that could have easily been avoided.

    Hope the re-entry is Hassle free. Keep us posted.
    Never argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. M.T.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cippy View Post
    Sorry to hear it. Very healthy of Ao to look past any wrongs her father has done her in the past. It's a testament to her character.

    Ridiculous to call taking out life insurance gambling on death. Chances are 100% for all of us on a long enough timeline. People who don't prepare for eventualities puzzle me. I had a friend who thought I was crazy for having a will, called it morbid. Not having a will because you don't want to think about death, not having a prenup because it isn't romantic is inviting future pain that could have easily been avoided.

    Hope the re-entry is Hassle free. Keep us posted.
    i think he took exception to me saying hopefully she ends up with some for herself
    and what i really meant is that it covers the costs, including her travel even though i paid for it.
    if she ends up with 200k in her bank, that will not be her 200k because there will always be things that happen from his other offsrping that she will need to pay for
    basically, as we all are familar with, she is acting as "head of the household" when it should be him that does
    so any money won't stay in her bank long term

    by the way, her mom has already urged her to take out a policy on her!! 555

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    I hope Ao can give her Dad a good send off Paulie, more power to her for the insurance play.

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน chelski's Avatar
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    Paul, sorry to hear the news about Ao's dad and although she had her problems with him by the sound of it, family is family when it comes to times like this and you just have to trust her and let her do what she wants. I know it would be a hard thing to do, but is better to just let things take their course and just be there for her when she needs it.

    Hope there are no drama's with her visa wise to get back into the country and all sorts it self out OK

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    เมืองเชียงราย Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Rivo's Avatar
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    I also agree with Zab, well handled situation Marc, sometimes you just have to sit back and let things happen, best wishes to your wife, I hope common sense prevails regards the Visa situation and she is home with you soon.
    A Wise Man Once Said "Nothing"

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน 1080's Avatar
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    My Mum and Dad cant be to far away from the big kick off and I have no idea how I'm going to handle that.
    Reckon you did OK with that one fella

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