Phuket Taxi and Transfers

Page 1 of 6 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 102

Thread: Guilt of disparity of wealth (or perceived) and how that plays in a relationship.

  1. #1
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Age
    50
    Posts
    3,961

    Guilt of disparity of wealth (or perceived) and how that plays in a relationship.

    Terms of reference here are not talking a about a minx that is playing "the game" on it to gain as much out of you for a short term gain. We all know they are out there in all societies.

    How does it play out for you. For a long time it played on me. I will be truthful and say my solution was to give total control to my wife. Of course within reason with checks and balances in place. It has worked for me. I will add that initially there was a relatively small investment that I was willing to lose to break a cycle.

    Your thoughts? I think it is important to many and internally ask these questions.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

  2. #2
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Bacon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Perth, West Oz
    Age
    37
    Posts
    10,282
    I'd try and work out the guilt internally rather than bandage it with external activity. It's just in your head.

    This is the condition of humanity. It's always been like this and most likely it'll always remain like this. You didn't create disparity. This to me seems almost like apologising for who you are, your conditions of birth and life, which you didn't choose and the less fortunate certainly didn't choose. It's just the hand we're all dealt.

    Fair enough, if you genially want to help then go for it. But be honest with yourself.
    Last edited by Bacon; 31st October 2013 at 21:10.
    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.


  3. #3
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    .
    Posts
    12,399
    It all depends on your perspective and how you measure wealth.

  4. #4
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Age
    50
    Posts
    3,961
    Quote Originally Posted by Bacon View Post
    I'd try and work out the guilt internally rather than bandage it with external activity. It's just in your head.

    This is the condition of humanity. It's always been like this and most likely it'll always remain like this. You didn't create disparity. This to me seems almost like apologising for who you are, your conditions of birth and life, which you didn't choose and the less fortunate certainly didn't choose. It's just the hand we're all dealt.

    Fair enough, if you genially want to help then go for it. But be honest with yourself.
    Thanks for replying.
    Can I ask further then bacon. What if the disparity was "Family" Your son your daughter your MOTHER ?
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

  5. #5
    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Samui
    Posts
    8,844
    its a very hard balancing act...I hae no interest in turning someone's life into a free for all beano on my dime....nor would I expect my wife (and to some extent her family) not to share in my standard of living

    If a FIL/MIL worked and had a reasonable attitude to my "giving" they would do a hell of a lot better out of me than ones who quit their jobs and made my wife's life miserable by continually requesting money

    As to a TG wife...she would be always be comfortable without being spoiled (well occasionally spoiled 555)...same as a western wife would

  6. #6
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Age
    50
    Posts
    3,961
    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post
    It all depends on your perspective and how you measure wealth.
    Hard to define wealth. What would be your definition then? What weight would you give to the intangibles in the disparities?
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

  7. #7
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    .
    Posts
    12,399
    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    Hard to define wealth. What would be your definition then? What weight would you give to the intangibles in the disparities?
    Aristotle Onassis once said "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would be worthless".
    I think he was onto something.


  8. #8
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    19,984
    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    Terms of reference here are not talking a about a minx that is playing "the game" on it to gain as much out of you for a short term gain. We all know they are out there in all societies.

    How does it play out for you. For a long time it played on me. I will be truthful and say my solution was to give total control to my wife. Of course within reason with checks and balances in place. It has worked for me. I will add that initially there was a relatively small investment that I was willing to lose to break a cycle.

    Your thoughts? I think it is important to many and internally ask these questions.
    i had to read your paragraph a few times, not the brightest bulb this morning

    for me, as i mentioned in another thread, is i worry more about my perception than the actual dollar figure
    how do you want to be perceived in the family? as the cash cow or just part of the family?
    i think it is so easy to say "oh, it's only 50kbaht" but that is not the point of it for me

    my wife's dad just passed. she put in half and her brothers/sisters put in the rest(will get paid back by insurance)
    but they know that i am not there to be their bank and that is important

    we send 20k baht/mo which pays for a nice 7k townhouse but the balance mostly goes to my stepson's expenses( lunch money, bus, etc...)
    i feel it is a good deal because at 48yrs old, she takes care of my stepson
    but if my stepson is with us in Canada for next school year and she doesn't have the job of taking care of him, i will be reluctant to continue that support because of the much added expense of my stepson being with us
    my mom worked until she was 65, i see no reason a 48-49yr old should be not working. but i also don't want her mom working in a factory for peanuts
    so it is a conversation we will all need to have

  9. #9
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Nubbins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    2,900
    I stopped living with a woman much wealthier than me and moved to Thailand to live with a TG much less wealthy than me.

    Do I feel guilty about it? A resounding NO!

    Will I hand over control of all my money to my TGF or anyone else? A resounding NO!
    Last edited by Nubbins; 1st November 2013 at 00:34.

  10. #10
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    19,984
    Quote Originally Posted by Nubbins View Post
    I stopped living with a woman much wealthier than me and moved to Thailand to live with a TG much less wealthy than me.

    Do I feel guilty about it? A resounding NO!
    but your actions( our actions) say otherwise
    that is the crux of Jonty's post
    i think i am probably a bit more stringent with the funds to the family than most(excluding my stepson) but i still want my MIL to live a better lifestyle than she would ever do for herself. that is the guilt that Jonty is talking about

  11. #11
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Nubbins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    2,900
    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    but your actions( our actions) say otherwise
    that is the crux of Jonty's post
    i think i am probably a bit more stringent with the funds to the family than most(excluding my stepson) but i still want my MIL to live a better lifestyle than she would ever do for herself. that is the guilt that Jonty is talking about
    I help J and her family (financially) all the time - directly and indirectly.

    Jonty posed the question about whether it's through guilt that we take care of our women and their families because they are so poor - in relative terms.

    Then Jonty went on to say that his answer to his guilt was to relinquish control of his finances to his wife Dao.

    I'm just saying, I'm not about to hand over control of my hard won finances to anyone.
    Last edited by Nubbins; 1st November 2013 at 01:23.

  12. #12
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    19,984
    Quote Originally Posted by Nubbins View Post
    I help J and her family (financially) all the time - directly and indirectly.

    Jonty posed the question about whether it's through guilt that we take care of our girls and their families because they are so poor - in relative terms.

    Then Jonty went on to say that his answer to his guilt was to relinquish control of his finances to his wife Dao. Hi Dao...

    I'm just saying, I'm not about to hand over control of my hard won finances to anyone.
    i think i don't understand Jonty's question then
    i thought he was saying that he gave control of the funds that go towards his wife's family and not all his funds, which a lot of guys do

    i don't see any reason whatsoever to give control of your total funds to your wife if you are the one earning the bulk of it(doesn't matter where she comes from)
    complete madness if you ask me
    (but maybe not what he meant)

  13. #13
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Nubbins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    2,900
    ^^
    Paullie, the title of the post is relevant to the question being posed.

    "my solution was to give total control to my wife" is fairly unambiguous. However, Jonty may wish to clarify...
    Last edited by Nubbins; 1st November 2013 at 01:54.

  14. #14
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    10,171
    For me, I just like to help people..
    In my work I can do this and get paid well for it at the same time..
    But if I see an accident happening, I will stop and see what I can do.. and will never sent a bill..

    I try to help people with problems, like to teach my kids things..
    I will help when I can, and don't really care about the energy, time or money it costs..

    This has nothing to do with guilt, nor with feeling obligated..
    I will help for a specific reason/ problem, but will not sponsor anyone to facilitate laziness or dependency..

    But I must admit the type of guilt I felt especially after my first trip to Thailand.. I tended to calculate Dutch prices for things into Thai bath.. and would feel embarrassed spending a Thai months salary on a pair of shoes..
    Guess this feeling is still there, a little bit..555

  15. #15
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    51,096
    Does anyone sponsor a TG anonymously?

    Now that would impress me....
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


  16. #16
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    19,984
    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    Thanks for replying.
    Can I ask further then bacon. What if the disparity was "Family" Your son your daughter your MOTHER ?
    I am very well versed in this with my family
    I think wether it is your own family or your wife's family, you need to sort of take a step back and ask yourself how they would get along without you
    Be there for the necissities but I can't be there to raise everyone's lifestyle

  17. #17
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Age
    50
    Posts
    3,961
    Quote Originally Posted by Nubbins View Post
    ^^
    Paullie, the title of the post is relevant to the question being posed.

    "my solution was to give total control to my wife" is fairly unambiguous. However, Jonty may wish to clarify...
    Yes you read it with my intentions correctly. Because I consider them my family (And I am treated as such). My solution was to give Dao control of how they were helped financially. She is best equipped to do this as she understands them better. I was surprised how it was done incrementally over time. For example tiling a room when I new more extensions where planned. What not but tiles for the planned extensions as well so they will all match. Not an issue to have different tiles happy to not have a dirt floor. Still a huge disparity but I know it is being managed well.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

  18. #18
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Age
    50
    Posts
    3,961
    Quote Originally Posted by RakThai View Post
    For me, I just like to help people..
    In my work I can do this and get paid well for it at the same time..
    But if I see an accident happening, I will stop and see what I can do.. and will never sent a bill..

    I try to help people with problems, like to teach my kids things..
    I will help when I can, and don't really care about the energy, time or money it costs..

    This has nothing to do with guilt, nor with feeling obligated..
    I will help for a specific reason/ problem, but will not sponsor anyone to facilitate laziness or dependency..

    But I must admit the type of guilt I felt especially after my first trip to Thailand.. I tended to calculate Dutch prices for things into Thai bath.. and would feel embarrassed spending a Thai months salary on a pair of shoes..
    Guess this feeling is still there, a little bit..555
    Thus was my solution to have Dao dish out. She knows better than I what is a necessity and is a grab. Agree with your last paragraph.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

  19. #19
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Age
    50
    Posts
    3,961
    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    i think i don't understand Jonty's question then
    i thought he was saying that he gave control of the funds that go towards his wife's family and not all his funds, which a lot of guys do

    i don't see any reason whatsoever to give control of your total funds to your wife if you are the one earning the bulk of it(doesn't matter where she comes from)
    complete madness if you ask me
    (but maybe not what he meant)
    This is why I stated "Of course within reason with checks and balances in place"
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

  20. #20
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Zablive's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Phuket
    Posts
    9,708
    Just to be clear Jonty ( it is written ambigously) - you are only talking about control of what you contribute to Dao's family, right?
    Not total control of all your finances?

Page 1 of 6 123 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •