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Thread: Door opens after Marriage

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน G4orce's Avatar
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    Door opens after Marriage

    I was recently Married to my Thai Wife in October last year. We were Married in Australia the December before this but it was not until the Thai Wedding ceremony that I was actually family in the in-laws eyes.

    It was amazing how straight after the wedding I was treated differently. It was so different that it was instantly noticed. Like a switch was switched and I was a new person. All of a sudden I was privy to all the family secrets, I was no longer treated like a tourist on holiday but someone who belonged there. I also had the family stand up for me on many occasions against other family members.

    It has really brought me closer with the entire family. With my slowly increasing knowledge of the Thai language and the culture I have become "one of them" in the eyes of the family.

    Those how feel they are on the outside with the in laws, it does change and it is a very refreshing feeling

    G4orce out!
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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    I can second that G. Once a little communication opens up and they make the effort to learn a little English. Obviously coached by Dao and said verbatim. But they will say I love you "Son" "Thankyou" when I send a little extra that does not come from Dao. Still nice to hear.

    I was having a beer with por and MIL went off at him about something. He just smiled and when she was gone. He said Boss (pointing to MIL) then points to his temple. Boss then points to himself. He had learnt that word from somewhere. We had a big chuckle together.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    Door opens is a very good way of putting it.
    It is only now I feel the disappointment of our "Extended family" from when I chose a one day wedding over the three day event, which seemed to me at the time to be completely Nutso and over the top.
    It was only at grandmas funeral recently (Yes, a three day event, 24 hours a day) that I realized the magnitude of the family connection and the fact that people travelled from all over the country just to be a part of it.
    And yes, even though I was the only Falang for miles I finally met all the grandparents uncles aunties cousins etc that missed us at our wedding..5555

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Congrats on your wedding and pending child

    I think it is only natural in any family to feel closer to someone once the deal is done. And doubly so with a Thai family that sees farangs come and go with other girls

    I think the big thing with my family is my wife has our last name. It makes them feel she is really part of the family that I don't think they would feel if she kept her maiden name
    She is actually the only female with our last name in our immediate, close female so my sister's get a kick out of that

    We got married on a Tuesday at the amphur and I think her mom knows me well enough after 10 years to know there is no way in hell I was doing any sort of ceremony in any country 555
    Last edited by MarcTwoSix; 6th June 2014 at 23:40.

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    Great topic and nice replies. I'm not going to do the marriage thing again because I'm too old, but I understand what you are saying.

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    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
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    sounds like things are sailing smoothly for you atm Gary....my congratulations on the wedding and forthcoming birth of your first child...

    Not having been through this with a TG but with 2 families in the west I don't see a lot of difference...they too forgave me more of my idiosyncracies and I them + we all settled into a relationship of greater trust and understanding once the ceremony was done and the papers signed..commitment is a two way street

    Of course I went through divorces both times and am pleased to say that nether time did my in-laws turn on me....quite the opposite....they were both there offering support to both of us throughout the whole process

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bacwaan View Post
    sounds like things are sailing smoothly for you atm Gary....my congratulations on the wedding and forthcoming birth of your first child...

    Not having been through this with a TG but with 2 families in the west I don't see a lot of difference...they too forgave me more of my idiosyncracies and I them + we all settled into a relationship of greater trust and understanding once the ceremony was done and the papers signed..commitment is a two way street

    Of course I went through divorces both times and am pleased to say that nether time did my in-laws turn on me....quite the opposite....they were both there offering support to both of us throughout the whole process
    You have talked to me about this..

    So, Nels, is it luck, judgement of character, HISO (lack of a better word, no financial dependency?) or the fact there were no children involved that made it easier than for most of us?

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bacwaan View Post
    ...

    Not having been through this with a TG but with 2 families in the west I don't see a lot of difference...they too forgave me more of my idiosyncrasies and I them + we all settled into a relationship of greater trust and understanding once the ceremony was done and the papers signed..commitment is a two way street

    ......
    It would be interesting to see if you did, whether you would see a difference though.

    With both my Western marriages I felt that, at best, I had a status of "closer to the family" rather than part of it. Also, neither family ever really let go of "their daughter", and their parents stuck their noses into our personal life with a total sense of entitlement. The phrase you'd use today would be "boundary issues" ..555

    May Mrs M never read this but on marrying her, I got the same feeling from her parents someone would have got from me if they had bought my beloved Holden SLR 5000 or some other cherished possession: I was now the new owner and "Here are the keys, hope you take care of her and if you are ever driving past feel free to drop in."

    I also remember commenting to Mrs M how both the sisters-in-law, particularly the younger one, had immediately lost any nervousness around me and sort of started "ignoring" me, but in a nice way.

    Mrs M just shrugged and said, "Well, you're their brother now."

    Enjoy...
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    Life is the unexpected ...

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minder View Post
    It would be interesting to see if you did, whether you would see a difference though.

    With both my Western marriages I felt that, at best, I had a status of "closer to the family" rather than part of it. Also, neither family ever really let go of "their daughter", and their parents stuck their noses into our personal life with a total sense of entitlement. The phrase you'd use today would be "boundary issues" ..555

    May Mrs M never read this but on marrying her, I got the same feeling from her parents someone would have got from me if they had bought my beloved Holden SLR 5000 or some other cherished possession: I was now the new owner and "Here are the keys, hope you take care of her and if you are ever driving past feel free to drop in."

    I also remember commenting to Mrs M how both the sisters-in-law, particularly the younger one, had immediately lost any nervousness around me and sort of started "ignoring" me, but in a nice way.

    Mrs M just shrugged and said, "Well, you're their brother now."

    Enjoy...
    I don't think I have ever been in a long term relationship where I didnt feel part of the family and them part of mine.
    But I am really big on family so maybe I look for the same?

    I remember my long time gf from Brooklyn, we never spent a holiday together except maybe the tail end of the night because there was just no way her family would understand her going off to Boston for the holiday and my family was same way with me.

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    I don't think I have ever been in a long term relationship where I didnt feel part of the family and them part of mine.
    But I am really big on family so maybe I look for the same?

    I remember my long time gf from Brooklyn, we never spent a holiday together except maybe the tail end of the night because there was just no way her family would understand her going off to Boston for the holiday and my family was same way with me.
    Very first GF well first true love (18YO) I am involved in their family. Her elder brother became a good friend and I always caught up with her parents. Even living there after we had broken up. Always had a beer with her dad and when her mother passed(early) dad now has a thai wife that encouraged me to do the same. Jom is now a good friend of Dao's although it was a little awkward with Dao and I there and his daugher (1st GF) for her 50th birthday.

    First wife's family in contact weekly and Dao and I will have dinner there regular. They are the kids grandparents and very involved in their lives. They love Dao when she stepped into the mother role as late teenagers.

    Second wife Fcuk them all.5555555 Her mother would not acknowledge me when I ran into her at a shopping centre. That may be because 2nd wife embezzled from the business we owned after we broke up that were 30% owned by a public company. Then I had a chat to the tax office and she got audited. She did some time. That said her 2 children I am DAD and recently went to one's 21st birthday.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    My first wife was from a broken home, father shot thru and left MIL with nothing and 2 young kids, living in a small country town.
    MIL was a nasty bit of bitterness, "all men are no good" and she never changed.
    She and 1st wife were living in 1 br studio flat when I met her.
    After MIL retired she had her own 1br unit and she was not liked by anyone. She was dead for 6 weeks before anyone found her and that was just from the smell.
    After we were divorced, my ex kept my family in the loop with the our kids. Birthday parties, football finals etc.
    Now MIL lived 4 mins on the way from Mum while ex and her new husband and kids were 80-90 mins drive, my mother would always offer to pick up MIL who didn't drive but no, stubborn old b1tch would get 2 buses, a ferry, and a train then another 2 buses, taking almost 4 hrs each way, rather than get in the car with "One of Us, the enemy".

    2nd wife was also from a broken family, but MIL had remarried a younger man, I won't go into it all, but if you thought about In-laws interfering...well I never proposed to my wife and she didn't to me, FIL proposed to me on her behalf 5555 We had been living together for 3 yrs and he decided he was tired of waiting.

    Oh and this one ... when we had the twins, 3 weeks old, they came over from NZ and sat us down for dinner, sent their other kids out of our house and seriously told us they wanted to adopt the twins and take them back home to NZ, they would pay all expenses and also 4 trips a year for us to visit.
    Their logic, they were better financially and they didn't believe Ex would ever make a decent mother and they wanted their grandchildren to have a better life.
    I thought at first it was some sick joke, but they were deadly serious and there was several arguments over the next 3 days while they continued to try and convince my Ex.
    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by G4orce View Post
    I was recently Married to my Thai Wife in October last year. We were Married in Australia the December before this but it was not until the Thai Wedding ceremony that I was actually family in the in-laws eyes.
    Sorry i couldn't stay too long as i would have been a mess by the time i got home,early afternoon 55
    Things were livening up when i left,so must have been a big day.

    Good luck with it all mate.
    FACE YOUR FEARS LIVE YOUR DREAMS

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    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RakThai View Post
    You have talked to me about this..

    So, Nels, is it luck, judgement of character, HISO (lack of a better word, no financial dependency?) or the fact there were no children involved that made it easier than for most of us?
    maybe all of that plus intelligence...and the bond you build up with people over time

    however choose your wife carefully and her family even more so....555
    Last edited by bacwaan; 7th June 2014 at 13:31.
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    Quote Originally Posted by justcruzing1 View Post
    ,
    Oh and this one ... when we had the twins, 3 weeks old, they came over from NZ and sat us down for dinner, sent their other kids out of our house and seriously told us they wanted to adopt the twins and take them back home to NZ, they would pay all expenses and also 4 trips a year for us to visit.
    Their logic, they were better financially and they didn't believe Ex would ever make a decent mother and they wanted their grandchildren to have a better life.
    I thought at first it was some sick joke, but they were deadly serious and there was several arguments over the next 3 days while they continued to try and convince my Ex.
    Well, in hindsight, were they right?
    Did she make a decent mother?

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    Life has taught me many things and it changed many of the things that I once knew for certain. I analyze just about everything to try and make some meaning of what happens. After a while, patterns start to form and you can make some generalities that are somewhat true... but not always. Life is what happens when you are making plans.

    I always try to look for the good part of everything that happens, and even in tragedies I can usually find something good. I don't believe in dwelling on misery, and yet some people choose to do so.

    I visited an old girl friend this past week and we had a fine chat about the good old days, 50 years ago. We both wondered what might have happened if we had gotten married. She is semi-happily married for the second time, but they have their differences. I met the guy and he seems okay, but you can see the obvious faults. It all makes me glad that my life ended up like it did. I enjoy sex too much to get stuck with an old cow who has lost interest. Even though there is no animosity between me and my two ex-wives, I'm sure glad we are no longer married.

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    I would say that is an egotistical and non political correct post. I like it.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

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    I'm anything BUT politically correct, Jonty. I just tell it as I see it. If it hurts someone's tender feelings then so be it. I don't do or say anything to be nasty, unless someone is nasty to me first. But, I will speak the truth as I see it. And, If someone makes nasty remarks and actually means it then I really don't care. That is THEIR problem, not mine. If someone is fat then I'm not going to mention it to them. They already know. They also know the reason. I have good friends of all shapes, sizes and ethnic backgrounds. The only criteria is that we have a mutual interest and that they nice to others. But, if I want a woman to take to my bed then she better be slim, trim and reasonably young. I just can't get interested in "tubbies".

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    It has never been an issue, not even close.....but I dont think I could be involved with someone seriously if they didn't get along with my family
    I know people say when you marry your spouse becomes your family but my family plays such a huge role in my life that they have to be considered in my decision

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TLandHim View Post
    Well, in hindsight, were they right?
    Did she make a decent mother?
    Well they were partly right, she was not good at handling it and i must say having twins that are mildly Autistic is not easy.
    I did a massive amount of it, so much more than with my first kids but when we spit and she had to do it all herself she snapped out of it and has been a fairly good mother to the best of my knowledge.

    Her parents keep in touch with me, and have come visited me a couple of times but have given up on her and have no more contact, which is a shame as they miss out on the boys.
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    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน G4orce's Avatar
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    I am sure my experience is very similar to those who have been married to a Thai/western woman before but I found it very interesting at how recognizable the change was. The only thing I can see as a negative is that I know a few things that could hurt other people... I hate the fact that I cant help those people out and tell them what they "should" know.

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