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Thread: Tips For A Successful Long Term Thai/Farang Relationship

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    Cadet Gold giggsy's Avatar
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    Tips For A Successful Long Term Thai/Farang Relationship

    I started a blog post on tips for a successful Thai/Farang relationship/Marriage.

    What are your thoughts for success in this department. I am currently working on part two.but a lot of my work is based more on UK/Thai influenced relationships.

    Wanted to know if the normal difficulties that apply to British/Thai relationships are fairly universal. What things have you found difficult and what things have you found have worked well.

    Is it possible that it is different between meeting a main stream girl and meeting a lady who may have worked in the entertainment/tourist scene or do you think the same problems are current.

    I have added this forum to the bottom this post and will continue to add to appropriate posts as a cracking forum.

    Tips For A Successful Long Term Relationship/Marriage Between A Thai And A Westerner Part One « engagingthailandtips Blog
    Last edited by giggsy; 5th April 2011 at 18:52.

  2. #2
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Hi Giggsy

    I'm reading your blog with interest as this is relevant to me going forward.

    I like your comment in "Taking Your Time" in regards to surviving the distance apart, then something is good with it and a few trips is far cheaper than a divorce.

    I have just read Thailand Fever, and if one thing they hammer home there is if you cannot embrace your partners culture your relationship is as good as doomed.

    I look forward to Part 2 and 3.4.5.6.7 . 555
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    I think the first step to success is honesty within, a lot of men come back after meeting a TG and get caught up in the standard social misconceptions attached to an asian GF in a western society... You hear lots of excuses or lies about their intentions with these girls, these are just defense mechanism for their hearts...
    Like you mentioned in your Blog every relationship is unique, mine included... we are both getting good at accepting and appreciating our different cultures, with the biggest difference being religion... Being an atheist I have similar problems with a fair population of the planet.

    I think Trust, Communication and Commitment would have to be the main things to have a healthy relationship, but an important thing is to communicate issues that annoy you as quick as you can in a diplomatic manor... people tend to use this as fodder in a heated argument, which in my opinion is childish....

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    Cadet Gold giggsy's Avatar
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    Thanks Arliss I think the culture part is a major issue
    by the way parts 3,4,5,6 and 7 amount to a book.
    I am trying to get a Thai lady who lives here in the UK and
    has had a couple of cross cultural marriages/relationships to let
    me know what she feels were the problem areas. I think she might be up for doing this.
    I just wanted a Thai lady perspective. Now that would be part 3.

    Thanks Patongbeachboy I agree on this
    I struggle on the religion side a bit as well, seems to be a major influence in conflict today. (just my opinion though)
    Trust, communication and commitment are essential you are right.
    Small annoying issues are a good point as I think they make for a lot of the arguments, I will get on to how you
    brilliantly term ''communicating issues'' in the next post. It was just becoming way too long.(the post)

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    To me... it's not the "issues" that get in the way of a successful relationship... it's whether you both have the motivation to get around the issues... if not, you're doomed. I think life/relationships is/are over-complicated sometimes.
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน G4orce's Avatar
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    That was a good read and I am looking forward to the next part as well. As you and others have said Time and culture place two very big parts in the relationship. You need the time to learnt he cultures and in learning this you will learn about the person. The thing I find hard with time is that the TG's tend to be pushy and dont like to wait. There biological clock is ticking so they want to get a move on. Personally though, if I am going to marry someone i want to make sure I know the person and I am sure that this person is someone I want to be with for the rest of my life.

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    Cadet Gold giggsy's Avatar
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    More excellent points
    I agree about relationships being over complicated D.P
    that's why I am well in favour of both doing your own thing sometimes
    and having that flexibility. Joined at the hip is not something I would vote for.

    It's funny that G4orce like you say. Thai girls do seem to be in a hurry
    yet Thai life style is more laid back and things take time if they get done
    at all sometimes.

    I find a lot of things in Thailand like that, it's probably another thread really. The unexpected.
    I hate waking up in the night with that bleeding air con full on with teeth chattering and I turn it off.
    My wife a born and bred Thai puts it back on.
    You would think I would want the air con, but I hate it.
    Thanks for the comments lads and I will do my best to bring
    something of interest to part two.

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    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by giggsy View Post
    More excellent points
    I agree about relationships being over complicated D.P
    that's why I am well in favour of both doing your own thing sometimes
    and having that flexibility. Joined at the hip is not something I would vote for.

    It's funny that G4orce like you say. Thai girls do seem to be in a hurry
    yet Thai life style is more laid back and things take time if they get done
    at all sometimes.

    I find a lot of things in Thailand like that, it's probably another thread really. The unexpected.
    I hate waking up in the night with that bleeding air con full on with teeth chattering and I turn it off.
    My wife a born and bred Thai puts it back on.
    You would think I would want the air con, but I hate it.
    Thanks for the comments lads and I will do my best to bring
    something of interest to part two.
    Read through your Post 2 times...well said.
    The hardest thing is time.....time to learn the girl and everything that goes with her.
    For me i spent 6 months with my girl day and night early in the piece...best thing i could have done.
    In that time we cleared up future problems and we learned, boy did we learn.
    It is complex more so than Betty down the road but the relationship rewards and the bond is for me so much better.
    Daunting to begin with but a path i am extremely happy to be on............I know less now than i thought i did when i began.555555
    .

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    I think it is important to be able to show comparissons. Both religion and culture, and to be flexible on both sides.

    Take religion, Jeab was very happy when I tried to find a Temple I had been told of when I asked a Thai student, we searched the particular area for an hour, no luck. Asked a postman he didn't know of it. I tried, and she was happy I did, then said to me " Don't need Temple, Temple in heart and Budah Too".

    Later we were given correct directions from her tutor, and it was a special day, so we went, took Mud Cake 555 and she was estatic, we went back again that night for the special event.

    I took her to a Church, not that I practise religion anymore, and told her, Temple. Mass was on, I pointed to The Christ above the alter, and said my Budah, she nodded. The Priest, I said Monk, and she smiled. The Monk said a prayer and the people responded, same as at her Temple.
    When we came outside, she said Same Same but different, with a huge smile and sparkling eyes. She learnt that we all have the same values/respect just called different names.

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by giggsy View Post
    I started a blog post on tips for a successful Thai/Farang relationship/Marriage.

    What are your thoughts for success in this department. I am currently working on part two.but a lot of my work is based more on UK/Thai influenced relationships.

    Wanted to know if the normal difficulties that apply to British/Thai relationships are fairly universal. What things have you found difficult and what things have you found have worked well.

    Is it possible that it is different between meeting a main stream girl and meeting a lady who may have worked in the entertainment/tourist scene or do you think the same problems are current.

    I have added this forum to the bottom this post and will continue to add to appropriate posts as a cracking forum.

    Tips For A Successful Long Term Relationship/Marriage Between A Thai And A Westerner Part One « engagingthailandtips Blog
    “You marry the girl you marry the family” – Sure it’s an old generalisation but as generalisations go there is a reason it has lived so long - so take a long hard look at the family and if there are people in the immediate family - dad, mum, brother, sister - that ring alarm bells in the back of your head - listen to the alarms!
    Life is the unexpected ...

  11. #11
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minder View Post
    “You marry the girl you marry the family” – Sure it’s an old generalisation but as generalisations go there is a reason it has lived so long - so take a long hard look at the family and if there are people in the immediate family - dad, mum, brother, sister - that ring alarm bells in the back of your head - listen to the alarms!
    Mr M would you care to elaborate on this, am interested to know more on what you are saying here, as I am sure we all have gone out with someone over our life who had a family relative we may not have ben fond on for whatever reason.
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

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    Cadet Gold giggsy's Avatar
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    Wabbits you seem to have had the ideal situation.
    Getting to know your lady and her unique life style and situations
    and her getting to know you is essential. Afterwards you know a
    lot more about each other and cards can be laid on the table.

    By that I mean you can compromise on things better.
    Family is a massive issue and I think you gents with partners
    from the North East (Isan) are subjected to hearing about family even more. (A very proud area)

    My wife is from Nakhon Sawan, central Thailand and very much like many a family girl, but
    I was not going to be supporting brothers Tom, Bob and Khun Suchart as well that's for sure, when we got married.

    I had heard all the stories and was prepared. In actual fact my wife has always worked
    here to help send some money back for her Mother. This we agreed on and I help when I can, but the main priority for me
    is here for our children and lives.

    Compromise and finding solutions you are both happy with is the key. Leaving things when she is not happy about something
    is fatal as a Thai can brood for months when not happy. The smile just disappears (and from a few marriages around where I live),
    so did she.

  13. #13
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    Mr M would you care to elaborate on this, am interested to know more on what you are saying here, as I am sure we all have gone out with someone over our life who had a family relative we may not have ben fond on for whatever reason.
    I'm sure Minder will elaborate... but I think he means that someone in her immediate family may be pulling the strings... ie. they may have an unhealthy control over your TG...

    Or your TG may just want to look after them... in a way that impacts on your relationship with her...
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    I'm sure Minder will elaborate... but I think he means that someone in her immediate family may be pulling the strings... ie. they may have an unhealthy control over your TG...

    Or your TG may just want to look after them... in a way that impacts on your relationship with her...
    Gee I've some work to do, DP five brothers and four sisters to check out . In saying that though only talk about Mum so far who is a widow.
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  15. #15
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    Gee I've some work to do, DP five brothers and four sisters to check out . In saying that though only talk about Mum so far who is a widow.
    Once you meet them all I am sure you will get a good feel for the inter-relationships between them all. And pay attention to everyone! As distant cousins, uncles and aunties can also have undue influence as well. It could be shared land ownership or anything that creates a bond between them. But you'll find all this out over time. But don't worry about it yet!
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


  16. #16
    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    Mr M would you care to elaborate on this, am interested to know more on what you are saying here, as I am sure we all have gone out with someone over our life who had a family relative we may not have ben fond on for whatever reason.
    Okay.....you asked for it.....

    Opening proviso, we all base what we think we know about Thailand on our own experiences - for me, in the last decade I have met a lot of Thai girls, both in and out of P4P, who are paying off debts that were not of their own making - a failed (usually harebrained) business venture by a family member, motor cycle payments for a vehicle the brother wrecked the day after he got it or (double or nothing) some other family members gambling debts.

    The females tend to be the more stable workers and the family name needs to be protected - so the daughter ends up with the debt - she may not be happy about it - but filial obligations don't leave her much choice. Small wonder that she dares to hope there may be another way out when a "rich" farang smiles at her.

    And those half-wit or gullible or careless family members don't just disappear or start making smarter investment decisions just because you come on the scene. In fact, your presence may give them the confidence to try again as you unwittingly provide a safety net with your (perceived) massive wealth - this time they will get it right and win, get or make all the money they lost back.

    The sad part is that a lot of these people who get into trouble - are good people - honest, hardworking, trusting - such rich picking for the unscrupulous scammers.

    Ignore those alarm bells but in reality you'd be better off giving a baby a nail gun......if she fires high enough you might have somewhere to hang your shirt before you lose it.

    Enjoy
    Life is the unexpected ...

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    ^^^see! I told you he'd elaborate... 555. It sounds a little scary when put like that. Not every girl will be in this situation.... but what Minder is saying... is keep your wits about you. Not all that glistens is gold... it may be a baby with a nail gun!
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    He could barely pick up the nail gun but his aim was good....
    Sad no where to hang shirt..
    .

  19. #19
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Yes does sound scary, but will attempt to jump that hurdle when and if it appears.
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  20. #20
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wabbits View Post

    He could barely pick up the nail gun but his aim was good....
    Sad no where to hang shirt..
    Jesus........

    Bet that tingled...
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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