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Thread: The Thai brothers

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    The Thai brothers

    My wife is the oldest in the family and has 5 Thai brothers, one is a half brother

    They are actually good guys but just stupid and get into stupid situations.

    One i mentioned was in jail on a gun charge, got out and got a good job and fcuked it up over something stupid.
    Back in jail for 2 years.

    Well last week 2 of them were at an internet cafe and got into a fight. Then the other group came back with 10 guys. The police showed up and my idiot BIL's ending up assaulting the police.
    Now they are looking at 2-3 years in prison.

    Of course my MIL scrambles to get them out.
    My wife is stressed.

    But i tell her that they are all in thier late 20's.....at some point her and her mom need to wash their hands of them. If they want to get into stupid trouble then it is on them. My MIL and her can't get bothered, stressed and worried over it.

    I really like these guys but at some point you can't be bothered about what they get up to.

    It's weird too.....my wife and I have frank discussions about my family and she will criticize them, rightfully so, and I don't get offended.
    But she gets so defensive when it comes to her family and won't think rationally

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน slampay's Avatar
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    My ex-wife had two brothers. One of them got drunk and passed out on some train tracks...he lost his left leg, but lived.
    The other one worked on a road crew and the decided that it was a good idea to push a steam roller up a small incline, it rolled back and he lost his right leg, but lived.

    My ex was distraught, the first brother was a dbag and she was ok, the second was the 'baby' and she lost her cookies. I thought they both were dumb ashes and said, after the second one..."hey! They will kill it in a potato sack race!!"

    And....know ya know one of the reasons why I'm not married anymore..

    Just be careful Paul...55
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    M26 If the brothers are younger, then your wife is almost a defacto mother to them.

    Her mother and herself will fret over them till the day they die, telling them to let the boys go will never be possible.

    I would also wonder how they got charged with assaulting police, how bad was it? even if they grab a jacket of a cop it's called assault these days.

    Seems strange to me if they have 10 opponents and they are out numbered then the cops turn up, why would they be beating on the cops?? If it was me I'd be happy to see them and hiding behind them.

    Just saying...
    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    I don't really have anything to worry about.....I honestly get more drama from my family than we get from my wife's

    I just wish they'd learn that the brothers are adults......can't let their stupid decisions stress you out.

    I did point out that although I like her brothers I don't like my stepson seeing them getting in trouble. Sets a bad example.
    But he is such a great kid, I can't see him going down that road......plus he is already more educated and involved in school things than they had the opportunity for.
    Plus Ao said he's a wimp 555. (True too)

  5. #5
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    This is my opinion (Not what YOU should do TLandhim) but I would show empathy... and let her be the one to criticise them... which she likely will in the end...

    As soon as you attack someone's family they will naturally get defensive even if they know you are right...
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Zablive's Avatar
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    Family Huh!
    Your MIL and Ao's opinions about the stepson are mildly disturbing - a wimp compared to whom - his uncles?

    The other side of this coin (I know you love comparisons) is the 9 siblings in Noi's family (23-50 y.o.)
    None have ever been in trouble with the police.

    But all are partnered and are gainfully employed.
    Maybe that's why PaPa became the province's "Father of the Year" (plus his work for the temple).

  7. #7
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PeteGill's Avatar
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    Family, can't live with them, can't kill them 5555
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  8. #8
    Seven_
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    My wife is the oldest in the family and has 5 Thai brothers, one is a half brother
    Geez how big is the family 555
    Last edited by Seven_; 15th August 2016 at 21:29.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zablive View Post
    Family Huh!
    Your MIL and Ao's opinions about the stepson are mildly disturbing - a wimp compared to whom - his uncles?

    The other side of this coin (I know you love comparisons) is the 9 siblings in Noi's family (23-50 y.o.)
    None have ever been in trouble with the police.

    But all are partnered and are gainfully employed.
    Maybe that's why PaPa became the province's "Father of the Year" (plus his work for the temple).
    Actually what is frustrating is they all have good jobs
    That is what I get so frustrated with.
    If they didn't have anything to lose, but why get involved in these situations when things are going well

    And you mention PaPa and father's
    And that is a big crux of it...........there father was one of the most evil people I have ever met. Sometimes it is hard to break out of that mold

  10. #10
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seven_ View Post
    Rationality is subjective is it not, your family is not Thai, so why would the same social norms apply?
    That makes no sense
    She can freely criticize my family but her family is off limits because she is Thai?


    She actually takes in my opinion and advice(that is why she is speaking to me about it) but her initial reaction is always defensive, then she comes back to a rational view
    Last edited by MarcTwoSix; 25th July 2015 at 00:35.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    One thing on this subject is why there is so much violence/tension amongst youngish Thai guys?

    I mean I got into a ton of fights up until say 23yrs old
    But it seems so much more prevelant in Thailand.
    I mentioned a few weeks ago about the rivalry violence in BKK high schools

  12. #12
    Seven_
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    That makes no sense
    She can freely criticize my family but her family is off limits because she is Thai?
    Why doesn't it make sense to you? do you understand what is meant by rationality is subjective?

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seven_ View Post
    Why doesn't it make sense to you? do you understand what is meant by rationality is subjective?
    It's pretty black and white
    If she can criticize my family, she needs to be able to hear criticism about hers. She gives me feedback on my family, as I do on hers.
    It is simply a couple talking about family issues that effect them.........doesn't matter the culture.
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeteGill View Post
    Family, can't live with them, can't kill them 5555
    You can't, oh...
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seven_ View Post
    .

    Yeah but thats not the Thai way is it, and to be honest something that I like about Thai's. When it comes down to it,family is all you've got, something the west has turned its back on in a lot of ways. See how many people talk about raising kids in the west and when they are 18 saying they are on there own.

    ?
    I think that is an Aussie/European thing. In North America we treat our kids like kids well into their mid 20's
    But more in a support way
    I think there is good and bad aspects in both ways.
    Aussie/Euro way promotes independence
    North American way offers solid support but kids can become dependent on that.

    I honestly see no difference between my family and my wife's..........if anything my family might be together more!
    And I promote supporting your children well into their 20's
    But I don't support kids doing dumb things and causing their parents undo stress and ulcers
    Whenever one of them messes up, my MIL is a mess for weeks, and it really hurts her overall health.
    So my advice is that she needs to let go a bit
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    One thing on this subject is why there is so much violence/tension amongst youngish Thai guys?

    I mean I got into a ton of fights up until say 23yrs old
    But it seems so much more prevelant in Thailand.
    I mentioned a few weeks ago about the rivalry violence in BKK high schools
    I think it is a generation thing all over the world, maybe bought on by modern tec. all the violent games, the instant contact of texting etc.

    Just this week in Coolangatta, there was two instances, in broad daylight in the middle of the main street, 15 and 16yrs girls.

    in the 1st one it was outside a barber shop, one girl breaks out of the fist fight, comes in and grabs the scissors off the barber, cutting his cheek as she did, then goes and stabs a girl in the arm with them.

    2nd one, 3 days later and a fight in a pie shop, spills to a bus stop and a girl is knifed in the guts. This is at 2.30 in the afternoon.

    It seems like they all have this attitude off...you can't touch me I'm a juvie and I can do what I want, I won't be sent to Jail so stick it!!....and their right, all the slack judges and the smart arse lawyers just make it worse.
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  17. #17
    Seven_
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    It's pretty black and white
    If she can criticize my family, she needs to be able to hear criticism about hers. She gives me feedback on my family, as I do on hers.
    It is simply a couple talking about family issues that effect them.........doesn't matter the culture.
    So I take it you haven't understood what I have said then.

    Your comments above are based on your personal preferences/considerations (ie they are subjective)

    Would you not say that in western cultures its consider acceptable (even a good thing) that you can criticize your family or your partners family, even confront them (the family member) with the issue. From what you have said this would seem to be your preference on how things should be done.

    Where as in your wife's culture, this is not considered acceptable, especially from a partner to criticize family members, so in doing so is a cultural faux pas. I would think it would be pretty normal (dare I say rational) for your wife to react the way she does at first about it, as its going against the social norms that she was raised with.

    Hence my comment about rationality being subjective when you say your wife was being irrational.

    As to her giving feedback to you on your family, this just demonstrates what a great culturally adoptable person and partner she is, that she can adapt to your cultures way of doing thing when dealing with your culture.

    Would you be able to do the same if circumstances were reversed?
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  18. #18
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seven_ View Post
    So I take it you haven't understood what I have said then.

    Your comments above are based on your personal preferences/considerations (ie they are subjective)

    Would you not say that in western cultures its consider acceptable (even a good thing) that you can criticize your family or your partners family, even confront them (the family member) with the issue. From what you have said this would seem to be your preference on how things should be done.

    Where as in your wife's culture, this is not considered acceptable, especially from a partner to criticize family members, so in doing so is a cultural faux pas. I would think it would be pretty normal (dare I say rational) for your wife to react the way she does at first about it, as its going against the social norms that she was raised with.

    Hence my comment about rationality being subjective when you say your wife was being irrational.

    As to her giving feedback to you on your family, this just demonstrates what a great culturally adoptable person and partner she is, that she can adapt to your cultures way of doing thing when dealing with your culture.

    Would you be able to do the same if circumstances were reversed?
    Nice post and well thought out and written. It's not black and white and the rule for one differs for the mixed cultural relationship and wider collective family relationship. A lesson hard learnt for me.

    I feel often as Paulie does that why is it okay for my wife to comment on my family and it's not reciprocated in an equal manner. You become very aware that there is a way to do it in a not so blunt westernised way. Same same but different.

    You do not criticise in the first person. IE your brother does nothing with the opportunities we have given him. That will get opposition. Saying something like what will ensure your brother takes advantage of the opportunities we give him. She will come into it then and say that she is disappointed etcetera.

    Conversely I will have ding dong arguments with my children which infuriates her...... the way they speak to me. A battle of wills and testing the boundaries. These occasions she has also learnt to shut up and let me handle that my way. Though she will never speak ill of them even when warranted (especially the boy child).

    What is good for the Goose is not good for the Gander and that to many seems unfair. Pardon the pun but I did not marry a not so "fair" wife. That will always come with some anomalies to the way I have been "socialised" as a child as to hers.

    Recognising, acknowledging that and equally(both parties) navigating that is the key IMHO.
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  19. #19
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seven_ View Post
    So I take it you haven't understood what I have said then.

    Your comments above are based on your personal preferences/considerations (ie they are subjective)

    Would you not say that in western cultures its consider acceptable (even a good thing) that you can criticize your family or your partners family, even confront them (the family member) with the issue. From what you have said this would seem to be your preference on how things should be done.

    Where as in your wife's culture, this is not considered acceptable, especially from a partner to criticize family members, so in doing so is a cultural faux pas. I would think it would be pretty normal (dare I say rational) for your wife to react the way she does at first about it, as its going against the social norms that she was raised with.

    Hence my comment about rationality being subjective when you say your wife was being irrational.

    As to her giving feedback to you on your family, this just demonstrates what a great culturally adoptable person and partner she is, that she can adapt to your cultures way of doing thing when dealing with your culture.

    Would you be able to do the same if circumstances were reversed?
    Plain and simple
    The brothers cause her mom undue stress.
    Doesn't matter what culture it is.

    My life and now my wife's life has been about changing cycles, family patterns.
    And sometimes what was acceptable in the old cycle is not any longer.
    Moving away from what is the norm, even when those norms are detrimental.

    Sometimes you need to buck culture and live in the black and white world.And you can do that respectfully, especially when your intentions are for the better of tour family.

    I grew up in a culture that was fiscally irresponsible and most of my family still is.
    Juts because i grew up in that culture doesn't mean I have to stick to it.

    When i met my wife both her parents were in their early 40's, healthy and living off my wife. Because that was acceptable in their culture.
    It didn't matter in their culture that my wife was very close to a nervous breakdown at 21yrs old.
    Last edited by MarcTwoSix; 25th July 2015 at 18:10.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    I know it is more pronounced in a mixed relationship, but it happens the same in any western relationship as well.

    I think it is more gender driven.

    many of my ex wife's and ex girlfriends have bitched the hell about their family, and likewise about mine, but the min I said anything about agreeing with them or started it up fresh, they went off.

    My 2nd ex wife went right off about my eldest son, after he wrote a poision letter, she forbad me from ever sending him or his brother anymore presents, birthday, Christmas etc and he was to be banished and cut out of the will.

    Come our bust up and guess who ran to my kids for support and even went to the level of decreeing, legally, that if she was to die our twins were to be bought up by my 1st ex wife FFS.

    She was always going off about her parents, who were a bit off centre, but if i said anything, well I was an A hole.
    I will add Her parents think more of me than they do of her, have come visited me from NZ several times and only 10 days ago we updated each other via email on what was going on in life and family.

    So I don't think it is just a Thai thing, i think it is common in all females.
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