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Thread: A different life.....

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    A different life.....

    My wife has been back in Thailand basically all this year....
    Some issues with us but also it's my stepson's 1st year in high school and it really is needed that she be there.....

    Like most BM's, my TG grew up very poor, had to leave school when she was 13yrs old so never really had a teenage life....
    She would often look sort of jealous at the young girls hanging out in the mall.

    Well, obviously my stepson really has lived a middle class life all his life. I've know him since he was 2yrs old, started supporting him/them when he was 5-6yrs old....
    So he's never really had any hard times, he's just like a normal kid like most of us living in the West...

    He's a great kid, but at almost 17yrs old, he is starting to want his freedoms like any teenager does.
    He wants to go to the mall after school, attend sleepovers, just teenage things.

    The thing is my MIL is not not used to this kind of lifestyle. Even having 6 kids of her own......She's never had to deal with these type of "normal" teenage situations.
    If it were up to her, Nut would go to school,come home, do his homework and have no friends but his family.


    This has caused a bit of friction between my MIL and wife. My wife is not just letting him do anything he wants, but she understands that he has a different life than them. But now, any little indescretion he may have, being a bit late for curfew, etc..
    Her mom blames her for "you let him do this"

    It was interesting to see the 2 different lifes and experiences.
    To the point where Ao asked me to talk to her mom and explain how I grew up and what I was doing as a teenager because they basically don't know anyone else that had a similar teenage experience.

    And then to talk to my stepson to explain that we are trying to get him to realize that we are trying to get my MIL to ease off but he needs to obey the rules too...


    It really was an interesting look into the 2 lifestyles clashing.....
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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    It is exactly the lifestyles clashing, but it is also a non-awareness from the MIL that times have changed, and that it is just as important for the kid to learn social skills as it is to learn academics ... in fact in today's society and small world i believe more so ....

    You need to really enforce this on the MIL ..... situations like this if not addressed quickly only have one direction ..

    Sorry to be chucking in advise at this point, you post seems more like a refection post than a wanting advise post
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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    Forget the cultural differences, teenagers are tough to handle at the best of times.
    MIL is typical, just looking for someone, something to take the blame when things don't go the way she wants.
    At least he has a loving family who all want what is in his best interests in spite of their differences.
    Oh....and good luck with the "Mediation talks" between MIL and stepson, I hope they go easy on you...555
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    Teenagers
    Your parents revenge on you.

    My son was on the phone to a friend and I overheard "my old man won't let me go" and I asked him what it was, not being aware of anything specifically banned. It was a few friends at someone else's place and I said but that's "OK, you can go" The answer "Nah, I didn't want to go and it was easier to blame you" the joy of being a parent.

    it's hard for grandparents as most grew up in an age where older people were obeyed and they don't understand that is just not happening in most cultures now. You are, and your son is lucky he has a grandparent that cares, even if they are a bit out of date.
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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    5555 easier to blame you, they learn fast aye !
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sydney View Post
    It is exactly the lifestyles clashing, but it is also a non-awareness from the MIL that times have changed, and that it is just as important for the kid to learn social skills as it is to learn academics ... in fact in today's society and small world i believe more so ....

    You need to really enforce this on the MIL ..... situations like this if not addressed quickly only have one direction ..

    Sorry to be chucking in advise at this point, you post seems more like a refection post than a wanting advise post
    No, that is the exact conversation we had with her.
    Especially in Thailand where it seems teen Thai boys can turn to be bad news so easy....
    We said that we are lucky and that he's a great kid but if she continues to be all over him.....He will rebel

    It was a very frank, but cordial discussion....

    You have to also understand it is far more than about times changing.
    She raised kids where her concern was having enough rice to eat and then the kids all went to work at 13-14yrs old....
    So to be dealing with a grandson that wants to go to the mall and rather hang with his friends than family is totally new to her..
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TLandHim View Post

    it's hard for grandparents as most grew up in an age where older people were obeyed and they don't understand that is just not happening in most cultures now. You are, and your son is lucky he has a grandparent that cares, even if they are a bit out of date.
    I don't agree with he old.......It was better back then.
    I have 11 nephews.....10 are between 18 and 23 and they are all great kids and respect every elder in our family.

    It's no different than it has ever been if you have a good family

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post
    Forget the cultural differences, teenagers are tough to handle at the best of times.
    MIL is typical, just looking for someone, something to take the blame when things don't go the way she wants.
    At least he has a loving family who all want what is in his best interests in spite of their differences.
    Oh....and good luck with the "Mediation talks" between MIL and stepson, I hope they go easy on you...555
    Considering my MIL often asks my wife to ask me what I think about family situations.....She has no problem with open discussions....

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    Quote Originally Posted by TLandHim View Post
    Teenagers
    Your parents revenge on you.

    My son was on the phone to a friend and I overheard "my old man won't let me go" and I asked him what it was, not being aware of anything specifically banned. It was a few friends at someone else's place and I said but that's "OK, you can go" The answer "Nah, I didn't want to go and it was easier to blame you" the joy of being a parent.

    it's hard for grandparents as most grew up in an age where older people were obeyed and they don't understand that is just not happening in most cultures now. You are, and your son is lucky he has a grandparent that cares, even if they are a bit out of date.
    I had to laugh, but that is exactly what I told my kids to do... blame me for everything. Let me be the bad guy. That let them off the hook when it came to peer pressure. I told them that I trusted their judgement and I would come and get them at any time of day or night if they couldn't deal with something on their own... no questions asked.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post
    ....and good luck with the "Mediation talks" between MIL and stepson............
    Traits of a 'Mediator'

    A few quotes from the above article:

    Although there are many intangibles in the definition of a “good” mediator, certain character traits are invaluable.

    - The Mediator must have patience and tact in creating and maintaining rapport between himself and the party
    - The Mediator must also be totally objective in evaluating the information obtained
    - He must have exceptional self-control to avoid displays of genuine anger, irritation, sympathy, or weariness
    - A Mediator must adapt to the many and varied personalities which he will encounter

    and a "555" in case anyone takes this post too seriously!
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    There can be a HUGE difference between loving parents, and parents that don't know anything about raising children. I learned a LOT when my ex and I ran a daycare. My parents were lousy at parenting, but they supposedly loved us all.

    I totally understand what Paul and his wife are going through with her son... IT IS A DIFFERENT ERA! Teenagers should have the PRIVILEDGE of going to the mall and hanging out with friends. But, there should be some restrictions if rules aren't followed.

    My friend, Nid, has a 16 year old daughter, Noey. And, like so many Thai families, where the mother has been abandoned by a husband, Noey went to stay with grandmother. Then, Nid went off to get a job in Phuket to send money home. When I came into the picture I started giving Noey pocket money to spend with her friends at the mall. For the first time in her young life, Noey was able to join her friends and pay her own way. It was very noticeable later when all her friends came over to Nid's shop. Nid told me not to give Noey too much money, but it was enough so she could have a good time.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cashpoint View Post
    Traits of a 'Mediator'

    A few quotes from the above article:

    Although there are many intangibles in the definition of a “good” mediator, certain character traits are invaluable.

    - The Mediator must have patience and tact in creating and maintaining rapport between himself and the party
    - The Mediator must also be totally objective in evaluating the information obtained
    - He must have exceptional self-control to avoid displays of genuine anger, irritation, sympathy, or weariness
    - A Mediator must adapt to the many and varied personalities which he will encounter

    and a "555" in case anyone takes this post too seriously!
    Sure it helps when the mediator controls the money flow and allowances? 55
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
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    Is it fair to compare Bangkok with any Western city in terms of temptation to "be a bad boy"?

    Speaking for myself, I find that temptation irresistible and become more irresponsible than at home once I pass customs...55

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    Quote Originally Posted by RakThai View Post
    Is it fair to compare Bangkok with any Western city in terms of temptation to "be a bad boy"?

    Speaking for myself, I find that temptation irresistible and become more irresponsible than at home once I pass customs...55
    It depends on what you call "a bad boy". The women in my past loved a "Bad boy". In fact they preferred them to the nice guys. It was a bit of a rude awakening when I was trying hard to be "Mr. Nice Guy" that all the girls SAID they wanted. But, it was never the "nice guys" the girls spent the night with.

    Laws are just generalities to make the world run smoother. If you take responsibility for your own behavior, and you are not hurting anyone, then that should be all that matters.

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    The undercarriage is a matriculate society. MIL feels her power and her position and traditions are under threat. Accompanied by real concerns of the child's welfare that she has raised.

    Understandable from her perceptive. Though what we see all around the world is a huge generational change along with technology and greater prosperity.

    There is no wrong or right but a way to navigate the change. The rate of change is now larger than it has ever been. Thus the complexities in raising a child in today's environment will seem foreign at the best of times.

    Advice, I don't really have any but to keep the child busy with healthy pursuits. Sports , arts or a combination of both outside the normal academic requirements. Idle time with others with idle time is where issues start . Surely MIL would see playing a team sport or leaning and an instrument would be okay. In all honesty hanging around a shopping mall for extended periods of time with no real focus, but to just hang with friends. I would discourage, but at 17 he also must have a social life.
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    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
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    well...with the "brothers" antics I guess its no wonder why his Grandma is a little concerned 555...

    not to mention his step-father's behaviour at a similar age....555
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    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
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    I was just thinking that at age 17 I finished school...worked for part time for 3 months leading up to NY (to earn some money) and then went on a surfing holiday to Bali with a bunch of mates....when I got back i moved into a warehouse loft in Sydney and started University...

    Are kids pampered more these days or is this more of a cultural/emerging class thing that Ao's kid is going through
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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    ^Just made me think too Baccy, I was on the overland (drive) trip from UK to Oz with my brother at 17yo.
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    The undercarriage is a matriculate society. MIL feels her power and her position and traditions are under threat. Accompanied by real concerns of the child's welfare that she has raised.

    Understandable from her perceptive. Though what we see all around the world is a huge generational change along with technology and greater prosperity.

    There is no wrong or right but a way to navigate the change. The rate of change is now larger than it has ever been. Thus the complexities in raising a child in today's environment will seem foreign at the best of times.

    Advice, I don't really have any but to keep the child busy with healthy pursuits. Sports , arts or a combination of both outside the normal academic requirements. Idle time with others with idle time is where issues start . Surely MIL would see playing a team sport or leaning and an instrument would be okay. In all honesty hanging around a shopping mall for extended periods of time with no real focus, but to just hang with friends. I would discourage, but at 17 he also must have a social life.
    Actually you bring up a great point that I was thinking about.
    He does play sports in school but I don't think organized sports is the that encompassing as it is in North America.
    They play their games at school and that's it.
    You almost never see kids in parks playing sports recreational.
    And there doesn't seem to be a "culture" around it.
    Whereas when I played sports it was sort of a lifestyle

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bacwaan View Post
    I was just thinking that at age 17 I finished school...worked for part time for 3 months leading up to NY (to earn some money) and then went on a surfing holiday to Bali with a bunch of mates....when I got back i moved into a warehouse loft in Sydney and started University...

    Are kids pampered more these days or is this more of a cultural/emerging class thing that Ao's kid is going through
    With how long they are in school, it's almost impossible for any sort of part time job.
    He's out the door at 6:30am and back home at 6pm most days
    bacwaan likes this.

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