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Thread: Does she love me, or is she playing me?

  1. #1
    Cadet
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    Wink Does she love me, or is she playing me?

    I know this topic comes up once in a while... and here I am with some questions for you Thai relationship veterans!

    I am an investment banker from NYC... who travels frequently to the Far East. 6 months ago, I fell for a bar girl. She's absolutely gorgeous, 26 years old and a single mom. And I just couldn't help it- despite all the warnings I have read. I just wanted to date this girl and see where it leads us.

    Long story short, we had been dating for 6 months. She even accompanied me on some of my business trips to Hong Kong, Tokyo and Singapore. Financially, I take care of her well. I give her around 80,000 bhat a month. And she voluntarily quit her bar girl gig. BTW- even though I am an idiot for falling for a bar girl, I did my due diligence by hiring a PI to make sure she's not lying. And she has been true to her word. She doesn't work the bar anymore.

    She was very affectionate in the beginning of the relationship. But now that we are a a BF-GF thing- the affection has dropped off. She doesn't even hold my hands anymore, unless I initiate it. It was totally different in the first month- and her affectionate behavior was one reason I fell for her. Another thing which bothers me is that she's constantly on her phone texting- when we are out on dates. She avoids any kind of emotional talk. If I mention that we rarely talk and spend quality time- she says I complain too much. If I ask her why she's not affectionate anymore- I get similar responses. She refuses to acknowledge or discuss any issues in this relation.

    I have been very nice to her all through this relationship. Wined and dined her at the best places, took care of her family indirectly, and made sure she is financially well off. More than that, emotionally- I have been very kind to her and been very romantic to her. I never said a single hurtful thing to her. I made sure to let her know she is very loved. I send flowers often... you guys/gals get the point. She often says she's very thankful- but there is no romance to this relationship anymore. We talk on the phone maybe 10 mins a day... because she claims she's always busy with the kid or the family. But exchange texts maybe 5-10 times a day. But I know she's on the phone with her friends constantly. And she can't stay away from her LINE for more than 5 mins when we are together. I take time off from my busy life to do nice things to her, plan trips together- but she can't spend more than 10 mins on the phone?

    Another red flag is: I have met some members of her family. And they were very nice. But she keeps the relationship a secret from the rest of them. Her excuse? It will be devastating for her to introduce me to everyone now- should this relationship break up at some point. But it has been 6 months... and I am having my doubts.

    I'm by the way 37 years old, works out everyday and very fit, and have absolutely no issues getting attraction from the opposite sex in the US or Thailand. I am quite confused at this point.

    1. Maybe she's afraid to get emotionally involved? Because she has mentioned a few times that she has been promised a lot by men before only to get dumped at some point. If that's the case, I am willing to stay and fight for her.

    2. Maybe she's just selfish and just cares about herself and her feelings?

    3. Maybe she's just plain using me and sees no future?

    4. She is gorgeous... and gets plenty of male attention. And she likes it. Maybe she's just feeling 'entitled' waiting for something better to come along?

    5. Maybe her emotional issues are too much for a non-therapist to crack at this point?

    I am at the brink of breaking up with her and walking away. I would hate to be the next guy who 'dumped' her. But I can't be responsible for that, when she is treating me like crap. I am torn.

    Emotionally- I am ready to walk away. And if I do... I don't have any regrets. I didn't spend money I didn't have. And I learned a lot of things in this relationship. People have told me I can find better... considering the fact that she's a single mom etc. But love is a strange thing.

    Should I walk away or should I give it a few more months?
    Distantpeak likes this.

  2. #2
    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
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    pretty sure you just answered your own questions there...I hope posting was cathartic

    you pay 80K baht a month to be ignored?...I can get that much cheaper...55

    TGs whilst generally not prone to animated acts of public affection are not that different to any other women around the world...as you say, she was capable of it until you were on the hook....where is it now?

    I'd be walking now...save yourself the wait and a couple hundred thousand baht..."she's just not that into you"...until you walk of course..and she realises the money is following

  3. #3
    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    Most here will probably state the obvious ... cut the funding and see if the attraction to you comes back. .. 55

    80K a month, geez that's a decent amount, a lot higher than most stories i have heard ...
    The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you.

  4. #4
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    ^Bacwaan is right. And I say that because he has been at this even longer than I have...55
    She is 26 with the world at her feet and hasn't yet learned that all that is temporary.
    Also the most telling point and the hardest to accept is "Shes just not that into you".
    I also have to tell you that THOUSANDS OF OTHER LOVELY TG'S ARE INTO YOU. (Or they would be if you only gave them half a chance).
    And that's as politely as I can put it. Good luck with whatever you decide, welcome to the board, and keep asking questions NYCguy.
    We even got some NYCguys (Investment bankers) here already M26?...555
    And where the hell was Biggles.....?....when you needed him last Saturday....?

  5. #5
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
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    Give it a miss mate it's clearly not working for you...cut your losses and walk. the lookers always have more than one on the hook...usually. husband or BF back home? it's possible.
    Changone and bacwaan like this.
    FACE YOUR FEARS LIVE YOUR DREAMS

  6. #6
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moo Uaon View Post
    Give it a miss mate it's clearly not working for you...cut your losses and walk. the lookers always have more than one on the hook...usually. husband or BF back home? it's possible.
    Surely on 80,000 a month she can afford one or two.. 555
    Last edited by RakThai; 25th September 2017 at 21:50.
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  7. #7
    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Years ago an ex-Pattaya BG who lives nearby summed it up for me this way - No BG under 30 years of age is really ready to leave the bar, everything she does it just "working bar" until they are over 30 and their options become limited.
    IMHO your story is consistent with her theory.
    Heaven holds a sense of wonder and I wanted to believe...

  8. #8
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน meese's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bacwaan View Post
    pretty sure you just answered your own questions there...I hope posting was cathartic

    you pay 80K baht a month to be ignored?...I can get that much cheaper...55

    TGs whilst generally not prone to animated acts of public affection are not that different to any other women around the world...as you say, she was capable of it until you were on the hook....where is it now?

    I'd be walking now...save yourself the wait and a couple hundred thousand baht..."she's just not that into you"...until you walk of course..and she realises the money is following
    Could not have said it better...but will the op take the advice

  9. #9
    Liberal Conservative Distantpeak's Avatar
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    Clifford may see things differently. I'd give it another few months... or maybe even a year. You need to be sure the love is gone.
    Hatari likes this.
    Singularity prediction... 2043...

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    Wouldn't want to be with a girl that treated me like that, can only get worse.

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    ..............
    Last edited by Soupdragon; 25th September 2017 at 23:53.
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  12. #12
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NYCguy View Post
    I know this topic comes up once in a while... and here I am with some questions for you Thai relationship veterans!

    I am an investment banker from NYC... who travels frequently to the Far East. 6 months ago, I fell for a bar girl. She's absolutely gorgeous, 26 years old and a single mom. And I just couldn't help it- despite all the warnings I have read. I just wanted to date this girl and see where it leads us.

    Long story short, we had been dating for 6 months. She even accompanied me on some of my business trips to Hong Kong, Tokyo and Singapore. Financially, I take care of her well. I give her around 80,000 bhat a month. And she voluntarily quit her bar girl gig. BTW- even though I am an idiot for falling for a bar girl, I did my due diligence by hiring a PI to make sure she's not lying. And she has been true to her word. She doesn't work the bar anymore.

    She was very affectionate in the beginning of the relationship. But now that we are a a BF-GF thing- the affection has dropped off. She doesn't even hold my hands anymore, unless I initiate it. It was totally different in the first month- and her affectionate behavior was one reason I fell for her. Another thing which bothers me is that she's constantly on her phone texting- when we are out on dates. She avoids any kind of emotional talk. If I mention that we rarely talk and spend quality time- she says I complain too much. If I ask her why she's not affectionate anymore- I get similar responses. She refuses to acknowledge or discuss any issues in this relation.

    I have been very nice to her all through this relationship. Wined and dined her at the best places, took care of her family indirectly, and made sure she is financially well off. More than that, emotionally- I have been very kind to her and been very romantic to her. I never said a single hurtful thing to her. I made sure to let her know she is very loved. I send flowers often... you guys/gals get the point. She often says she's very thankful- but there is no romance to this relationship anymore. We talk on the phone maybe 10 mins a day... because she claims she's always busy with the kid or the family. But exchange texts maybe 5-10 times a day. But I know she's on the phone with her friends constantly. And she can't stay away from her LINE for more than 5 mins when we are together. I take time off from my busy life to do nice things to her, plan trips together- but she can't spend more than 10 mins on the phone?

    Another red flag is: I have met some members of her family. And they were very nice. But she keeps the relationship a secret from the rest of them. Her excuse? It will be devastating for her to introduce me to everyone now- should this relationship break up at some point. But it has been 6 months... and I am having my doubts.

    I'm by the way 37 years old, works out everyday and very fit, and have absolutely no issues getting attraction from the opposite sex in the US or Thailand. I am quite confused at this point.

    1. Maybe she's afraid to get emotionally involved? Because she has mentioned a few times that she has been promised a lot by men before only to get dumped at some point. If that's the case, I am willing to stay and fight for her.

    2. Maybe she's just selfish and just cares about herself and her feelings?

    3. Maybe she's just plain using me and sees no future?

    4. She is gorgeous... and gets plenty of male attention. And she likes it. Maybe she's just feeling 'entitled' waiting for something better to come along?

    5. Maybe her emotional issues are too much for a non-therapist to crack at this point?

    I am at the brink of breaking up with her and walking away. I would hate to be the next guy who 'dumped' her. But I can't be responsible for that, when she is treating me like crap. I am torn.

    Emotionally- I am ready to walk away. And if I do... I don't have any regrets. I didn't spend money I didn't have. And I learned a lot of things in this relationship. People have told me I can find better... considering the fact that she's a single mom etc. But love is a strange thing.

    Should I walk away or should I give it a few more months?
    Why would she respect you? You handed a basically stranger 80kbaht a month

    As for your other questions........none of them are too concerning to me
    -PDA..........My wife would be horrified if I tried to show affection in public(I never have because I'm not into that)
    Look around, and beyond younger Thai couples...........you won't see many Thai walking and holding hands
    -The phone........she's an Asian girl, look around...........ALL OF THEM are on their phones constantly

    And honestly..........she will never respect you having started off(and I'd imagine would have to continue) giving her 80k/mo


    And yes, I am in the same business and from NYC, I am there frequently and can meet for beers
    hell, next month.......you can meet my wife and she will tell you from a former BG that you are an idiot for giving some BG you hardly know 80k/mo, if that helps 5555
    Last edited by MarcTwoSix; 26th September 2017 at 00:39.

  13. #13
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Hatari's Avatar
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    give her around 80,000 bhat a month
    Have you considered increasing this amount of your investment ?
    If the relationship is becoming stale, a wage increase could stimulate greater affection. Though if she hasn't suggested marriage yet I feel you may not be the attractive catch you think you are, at any price.
    She may not be 'invested' in you


    5
    Last edited by Hatari; 26th September 2017 at 00:37.
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  14. #14
    Platinum Rockitt's Avatar
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    Not a nice position for you to be in NYCguy. You've obviously found a girl who you've fallen head over heels over.
    And you have invested a large amount of money for the pleasure.
    Stopping the money now would certainly cause a reaction from her and you may be able to judge her better by that reaction.

  15. #15
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    Thanks everyone for the kind words of wisdom and even the verbal spankings! Well deserved... I know. I can't make any excuses. I made mistakes and gave her too much too quick.

    I know I am not getting what I want out of this relationship right now. And it's time to walk. I can't repeat the same mistakes hoping things will get better. I think I gave enough time and communicated my concerns several times. In the financial/trading world we say: admit your mistakes quickly and cut your losses quickly. I think my ego was at play. And I didn't want to admit my mistake or admit defeat.

    The funny thing is- I have seen similar things happening to my colleagues during trips to Russia, Ukraine, Philippines etc, when it came to relationships with ladies of the night. And I was always the first one to point it out to them that things are not going to end well. Yet... when I fell in love like a smitten school boy- I forgot my own advice. 555

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minder View Post
    Years ago an ex-Pattaya BG who lives nearby summed it up for me this way - No BG under 30 years of age is really ready to leave the bar, everything she does it just "working bar" until they are over 30 and their options become limited.
    IMHO your story is consistent with her theory.
    I think there is a lot of truth to this. She is 26, absolutely gorgeous, and gets tons of attention. Even though she quit on her own- maybe she wants to back in the limelight.
    Minder likes this.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post
    ^Bacwaan is right. And I say that because he has been at this even longer than I have...55
    She is 26 with the world at her feet and hasn't yet learned that all that is temporary.
    Also the most telling point and the hardest to accept is "Shes just not that into you".

    I also have to tell you that THOUSANDS OF OTHER LOVELY TG'S ARE INTO YOU. (Or they would be if you only gave them half a chance).
    And that's as politely as I can put it. Good luck with whatever you decide, welcome to the board, and keep asking questions NYCguy.
    We even got some NYCguys (Investment bankers) here already M26?...555
    I think you're right on the spot. That's what I think as well. Time to admit this, add to my experience... and move on.
    Changone likes this.

  18. #18
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NYCguy View Post
    I think there is a lot of truth to this. She is 26, absolutely gorgeous, and gets tons of attention. Even though she quit on her own- maybe she wants to back in the limelight.
    For most 26 year old's a life of sleeping all day and partying all night beats a life on the farm taking care of a child, no clue why..555

    When she stopped working, did she go back to her family home, or stick around her room not working?

  19. #19
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    She did go back to her family home to take care of the kid, for the most part. With occasional trips to BKK to party! haha. And trips with me abroad.

  20. #20
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minder View Post
    Years ago an ex-Pattaya BG who lives nearby summed it up for me this way - No BG under 30 years of age is really ready to leave the bar, everything she does it just "working bar" until they are over 30 and their options become limited.
    IMHO your story is consistent with her theory.
    I must have hung around different type of BG's
    Almost all I met were very happy to leave the bar world

    But I never went for hardcore BG's or hung around them, so that could be part of the reason

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