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Thread: Age appropriate? When is "legal" not old enough?

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Age appropriate? When is "legal" not old enough?

    An old thread on an almost defunct forum has got me thinking about this..... and I'll start this thread here to stop my head spinning.....

    We often see discussed on Thai forums what is seen as the "correct" or "repectable" age differences between permanent partners.....but what about the temporary ones?

    What is the "acceptable" age difference between punter and BG?

    Does willing and legal make it "right" not matter what the age gap is?

    Enjoy.
    Life is the unexpected ...

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    I think providing she is of legal age,( and that is decided by the country that she lives in) it should be up to her what age man she wants to do business with............

    Does willing and legal make it "right" not matter what the age gap is?..............morally probably not....but sometimes legally right comes before morally right
    The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you.

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    It's all illegal anyway... I suppose the older you get the less respectable it looks
    josho likes this.

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    To think Canada's legal age of consent was only 14 up till recently... makes the brain boggle!

    Interesting question. I used to think over 18 if they seem mature enough. But more recently, I guess I am showing my age... even 21 yr olds look too young to me. It depends on the person a lot as well though. It's more whether I would feel like I am taking advantage of someone. ie. does it feel ok? Do I feel like I am exploiting them? How interested are they? As that counts as much as anything... the girl may be the same age as you... but if she isn't keen, then its not right...

    Such a personal decision I guess...

    Does willing and legal make it "right" not matter what the age gap is?
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Stolen with permission:

    "If you are 25 and they are say, 20, then you can believe they know what they are doing since you think you know what you are doing.
    By the time you are say 40 yourself you know that a 20 year old doesn't really comprehend the consequences of their actions....so does that make a difference or not?"


    thoughts?
    Life is the unexpected ...

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minder View Post
    Stolen with permission:

    "If you are 25 and they are say, 20, then you can believe they know what they are doing since you think you know what you are doing.
    By the time you are say 40 yourself you know that a 20 year old doesn't really comprehend the consequences of their actions....so does that make a difference or not?"


    thoughts?
    Yes... it makes a difference. Every situation is different. But it comes back to whether you personally feel you are exploiting them...
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
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    I'd say a girl shouldn't be in the biz unless she is in her mid twenties....IMO TGs are too immature in general until then...after that its her choice who she goes with

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    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Pulled by the promise of a better life at a young age into a life that is 360 degrees from village life.
    Exciting......But there is that downside. Bacwaan is likely right if a girl is going to choose this path mid 20s would be better......Better to cope.
    I am sure many love the lifestyle and i am sure that many dont!
    I am sure it leaves scares on some.....
    Thoughts??
    .

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    When I see a TG call her Partner Pappa It is wrong. When I see a guy with a TG and a 3 year old child both calling him Pappa it is wrong. When I know a guy will not be around at his child's 18th birthday it is wrong.

    Life experiences mold you. The people you keep company with molds you. Your occupation molds you. I would guess Minder from his previous occupation has a good deal to do with his outlook on life. He has witnessed first hand the best and worst in people.

    Dare I say a BG has witnessed the same. The best and worst in poeple. Makes them grow up fast. If they do not grow up fast they are gobbled up.

    I would wager that I have a smaller age difference than most other board members. But because my wife looks so young I still get looks like I am some type of rock spider.

    But when we are alone together. I get that sniff. She is not Thai or western. She is not older or younger. She is not a trophy she is just my wife and I am very fortunate that she chose me.
    Minder, josho and MustangRacer like this.
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    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    When I see a TG call her Partner Pappa It is wrong.
    Pappa or Pa is often used as a sign of respect in Thailand for someone they look up to....its not necessarily a term used for older people or their parents....you will hear wives calling husbands of the same age Pa

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bacwaan View Post
    Pappa or Pa is often used as a sign of respect in Thailand for someone they look up to....its not necessarily a term used for older people or their parents....you will hear wives calling husbands of the same age Pa
    Thanks for the correction.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    When I know a guy will not be around at his child's 18th birthday it is wrong.



    .
    A similar statement to this is a real bug bear for me, and keeps me thinking. With the age difference with my TG, and her never married, never had children, wants children, this is something that plays on my mind, how old I will be when if any children are born, I know that i will be able to finacially support children but down the track when they are at an impressionable age, where will I be at it, and what will I be able to contribute. Also the thought of leaving TG in this situation, if something was to happen to me. These thoughts cloud my mind at times, and at times I think that maybe I need to scarifice my happiness now, to make sure i don't leave a TG in this situation some time down the track. Can be really depressing thinking these thoughts sometimes.
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PatongBeachBoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    A similar statement to this is a real bug bear for me, and keeps me thinking. With the age difference with my TG, and her never married, never had children, wants children, this is something that plays on my mind, how old I will be when if any children are born, I know that i will be able to finacially support children but down the track when they are at an impressionable age, where will I be at it, and what will I be able to contribute. Also the thought of leaving TG in this situation, if something was to happen to me. These thoughts cloud my mind at times, and at times I think that maybe I need to scarifice my happiness now, to make sure i don't leave a TG in this situation some time down the track. Can be really depressing thinking these thoughts sometimes.
    better get on with it then 55555

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    Just my thoughts. I had children with my 1st wife. She buggered off and left me to raise them. It was a major issue before we were married.
    Dao is a great mother to my children. I just could not make that commitment again. Every time my Daughter brings home a boyfriend Dao will ask do you think I be grand ma soon?

    Or she will shrug it off as "I have big baby to take care of.
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minder View Post

    What is the "acceptable" age difference between punter and BG?

    Does willing and legal make it "right" not matter what the age gap is?

    Enjoy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Minder View Post
    Stolen with permission:


    "If you are 25 and they are say, 20, then you can believe they know what they are doing since you think you know what you are doing.

    By the time you are say 40 yourself you know that a 20 year old doesn't really comprehend the consequences of their actions....so does that make a difference or not?"
    thoughts?

    Will try and stick to the questions asked
    Acceptable
    Legality aside, "Acceptable" will mean "Socially Acceptable", and so will include judgments based on morality too, so answers are subjective.

    Personally, I begin to feel uncomfortable from the point where the GF is young enough to be the same age as any kids from a previous relationship. But not THAT uncomfortable really. What makes me cringe however is when the generation gap hits, as it can in so many ways and the older partner starts wearing his cap on backwards and goes disco dancing like its 1979.

    Willing and Legal
    Once again if legality is satisfied we all have the right to choose, otherwise we wouldn't be human. Unfortunately, "Willing" can mean (I know it's wrong but I have a family to support) so in a business or financial sense it can mean coercion is involved.

    You can't really compare two adults in their twenties both of whom don't have enough life experience to make all the right decisions with a couple where one does (By age default) and the other is less experienced. Too many outside influences to take into account to generalize.

    When you know its wrong and still do something knowing that a much younger GF might live to regret it
    There would be a point where the casual observer would say "Turn it up mate", or it may be obvious that the younger one is being seriously manipulated by family or others into doing something that is clearly not in her interest but which is squarely in theirs.

    The Grey area?
    When something you see appears legitimate, but it is clear that it has more sinister possiblities that can be exploited in a criminal way. i.e. there is a big age gap and the man is clearly a paedophile.

    Not Judging....Just my thoughts.....
    Last edited by Changone; 1st August 2011 at 16:44.
    And where the hell was Biggles.....?....when you needed him last Saturday....?

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    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    A similar statement to this is a real bug bear for me, and keeps me thinking. With the age difference with my TG, and her never married, never had children, wants children, this is something that plays on my mind, how old I will be when if any children are born, I know that i will be able to finacially support children but down the track when they are at an impressionable age, where will I be at it, and what will I be able to contribute. Also the thought of leaving TG in this situation, if something was to happen to me. These thoughts cloud my mind at times, and at times I think that maybe I need to scarifice my happiness now, to make sure i don't leave a TG in this situation some time down the track. Can be really depressing thinking these thoughts sometimes.
    They are fair things to think about there is a responsibility when bring a child into this world or looking after a wife if something happens to you.
    .

  17. #17
    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post
    Will try and stick to the questions asked
    Acceptable
    Legality aside, "Acceptable" will mean "Socially Acceptable", and so will include judgments based on morality too, so answers are subjective.

    Personally, I begin to feel uncomfortable from the point where the GF is young enough to be the same age as any kids from a previous relationship. But not THAT uncomfortable really. What makes me cringe however is when the generation gap hits, as it can in so many ways and the older partner starts wearing his cap on backwards and goes disco dancing like its 1979.
    Big age gaps are acceptable on some forums,55555
    Talking to girls in bars the older ones are more fun have a better personality.
    What do i have incommon with a teen! Experience in life so different.

    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post
    Willing and Legal
    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post
    Once again if legality is satisfied we all have the right to choose, otherwise we wouldn't be human. Unfortunately, "Willing" can mean (I know it's wrong but I have a family to support) so in a business or financial sense it can mean coercion is involved.

    You can't really compare two adults in their twenties both of whom don't have enough life experience to make all the right decisions with a couple where one does (By age default) and the other is less experienced. Too many outside influences to take into account to generalize.

    When you know its wrong and still do something knowing that a much younger GF might live to regret it
    There would be a point where the casual observer would say "Turn it up mate", or it may be obvious that the younger one is being seriously manipulated by family or others into doing something that is clearly not in her interest but which is squarely in theirs.

    The Grey area?
    When something you see appears legitimate, but it is clear that it has more sinister possiblities that can be exploited in a criminal way. i.e. there is a big age gap and the man is clearly a paedophile.

    Not Judging....Just my thoughts.....
    What seems to be acceptable in a red light district is not likely to be acceptable elsewhere.
    Changeone i think you got it was trying to think what else to add.........not much.
    .

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    I have been reading this, and it is a good point/question.

    So far I agree with every view, I think there are many moral obligations as a person, to respect, protect children, or anyone who is in a situation they shouldn't "Normally" be.

    That means, age is not the defining thing, there are 16yr old street wise kids,in all nations, that you know are over 25yrs in life experience.

    Someone else said, " they choose us". An example, I was at MTB, a young thing, shoved herself under my arm, and refused to go away, she was about to turn 21, but looked 16-17. Eventually, after some drinks, games etc, it was "You BF me I stay long time".

    To cut it short, she looked inocent, but was a mental time peace, exact and very smart. 2 nights later I was at the bar at the hotel, it was 3am, and she came in with 2 very elderly English guys, 60& and as I hadn't seen her, she sang out "Hi Mike" just as they went upstairs for her to look after both of them, she was happy she had a double deal.

    I am sure, there are many that get mentally, and physically scared, happen onto the wrong punter, etc.
    But to most, this is a fun life, so much different to the hum drum of the village, where most have already been raped or sexually active at a young age, and here they get worshiped, bought presents, and taken to dinner, drinks, and at the end of the night, get Boom Boom, which they usually enjoy, 7 out of 10 times??

    I personaly, prefer a woman a bit more mature, worldly and mentality, than the young, silly, gogo dancers. May be a bit of fun to watch for a little while, but I am too old to bother with them. for that reason I found, I felt shallow on the occasions I went with a young one, generaly, always, it wasn't me looking to take them, they choose me, and I relented.

    That is where Jeab was different, she was young at 31, by my standards, not by Thai. But she had been thru a lot of life's kicks in the guts.
    She wasn't "young, silly" but she still has a childs heart, despite everything she has been thru. I admired her for that.

    Just being with her, anywhere, made me feel like a teenager again, stupid, and looked crazy to all the passerbys here in Aust.

    Maybe it was my second "Mid life Crisis" who knows???

  19. #19
    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    A similar statement to this is a real bug bear for me, and keeps me thinking. With the age difference with my TG, and her never married, never had children, wants children, this is something that plays on my mind, how old I will be when if any children are born, I know that i will be able to finacially support children but down the track when they are at an impressionable age, where will I be at it, and what will I be able to contribute. Also the thought of leaving TG in this situation, if something was to happen to me. These thoughts cloud my mind at times, and at times I think that maybe I need to scarifice my happiness now, to make sure i don't leave a TG in this situation some time down the track. Can be really depressing thinking these thoughts sometimes.
    Maybe we have more to offer as we get older.....more than money that is.

    My parents split-up shortly after I was born. Mum took us 3 kids to live with her parents, our Nan and Pa. Two Pensions, six people, no alternatives and relative poverty - but all that was common enough in those times.

    My grandfather was retired and in his late 60's by that stage. He was "Dad" in all but name - and I could not have had a better one.

    He was a World War I veteran - yes that's right One not Two - I wish that I had him in my life longer than the 14 years I did but I will never forget him. He had qualities about him that only age and life experience can bring. I was very lucky to have him in my life.

    He wrote once in his diary about the latest three weeks he had just finished in the blood, mud and horror of the trenches of the Western Front - "Had not too bad a time of it."

    Bravery, quiet acceptance, integrity, strength of character - I know that I truly know what those words mean thanks to him.

    Same as for many other things in this world, it is quality not quantity that matters. A decade with him was worth more than a century with a lessor man.

    If I thought I could be half the “Dad” he was then I would consider that I am past being a Dad again when - God and Buddha willing - I get to the other side of 70......

    Enjoy.

    pa_ww1b.JPG
    Annie likes this.
    Life is the unexpected ...

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    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
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    no guarantees in life...make the most of what you are dealt when you are dealt them

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