Phuket Taxi and Transfers

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Thread: The Expat cycle

  1. #1
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    The Expat cycle

    Borrowed from elsewhere but funny and on the money for lots of people

    1. You start to think about having your first ever holiday in Thailand:

    - Thailand is somewhere in Asia.
    - Consists of Bangkok and the islands: Pattaya and Phuket.
    - People who live there are cheap prostitutes and people who earn three dollars a year.
    - There are many palm trees, terrible diseases like malaria, tsunamis, and Thai massage.
    - People live mostly in the jungle and ride an elephant.
    - Bangkok is the ghetto of Asia.
    - We can't take our kids there with us, as it's too far, it's Third World country so i won't be able to find any nappies, and there are too many insects.

    2. You have just booked your first holiday in Thailand.

    - I am going to Pattaya to learn about Thai culture and Thai way of life..
    - Shall we take an umbrella? It must be a rainy season over there..
    - Let's pack some socks.
    - What about their health system? Let's take a bag of medicines, just in case thay don't have hospitals.
    - We must have all vaccinations done before we go, plus don't forget malaria tablets.
    - Where in Thailand can you eat?
    - Still wondering when the rainy season is there and what clothes to take...
    - It's always too hot there, so we will need many change of clothes, let's take a couple of suitcases...
    - We should only use water from the bottles which are properly sealed and we always have to check where they get their ice.

    3. You have arrived in Thailand.

    - Is it actually Thailand? Too modern and beautiful. Where is all the ghettos?
    - Taxi to the town 400 baht, dinner for two 2,000 Baht - cheap! Shall I move here to live?
    - That girl is so tall, slim and beautiful...what's wrong with her voice...
    - Everybody smiles at me, but no one asks for money. Strange..
    - I can't leave my bike like that on the street...It will definitely be stolen...It needs to be tied up to something..
    - Help! There are too many insects here and yesterday one ****roach flew into my room.. They actually fly here!

    4. You are leaving Thailand and going home.

    - We could eat for 50 baht the food, which we have never dreamt of at home......
    - Why the hell did we bring here all these suitcases full of stuff? We could buy cheap clothes and then throw it away...
    - 200 baht for a tuk-tuk? No way, you are mad!
    - How these people earn three dollars a year and drive one of those huge jeeps? Something isn't right...
    - Why do they have good roads and nobody steals?

    5. You've just moved to Thailand.

    - Great food, cheap, and most importantly - available absolutely everywhere...
    - Houses for rent are very affordable and good quality..
    - Thai language has too many tones, it's impossible to learn..
    - The shops are full of cheap stuff...Great! I will do shopping every day!
    - I asked for a double latte, no sugar, the girl nodded three times, smiled, went into the kitchen, brought me a cappuccino with cream and sugar, what the heck?
    - Taxi costs nothing but I think I need to buy a car and a motorcycle.
    - I urgently need to open a bar, restaurant, or a small resort. I can earn lots of money really fast. Wonder why no one thought of it before...
    - The beer is so good and cheap here.

    6. You have been living in Thailand for a short while.

    - Where shall I go to eat? I am fed up with Khao Pad Moo and Pad Thai, I think I will go to that Korean on the corner...
    - Why everything is so expensive? This dish is not worth 5 dollars, it's a pure rip-off!
    - I don't want Coke, give me that plastic jug with water and a cup of ice and a straw
    - I know ten phrases in Thai. Why do they pretend that they don't understand me?
    - It's actually very easy to get a girl for a little money, just don't look like a silly farang..
    - I understand, when my girl says "my friend you" or "he say she no good"
    - I don't care about the menu anymore, I just pronounce the name of Thai dishes in Thai... whatever they bring - I eat it.
    - My business is built, now I am sure that the money will flow like a river. Let's open a bank account!
    - I don't understand why do we, European, need kitchen at home... Food is everywhere.
    - Geckos - my little friends. They eat insects.
    - They didn't bring the ice for my beer/red wine? They are not trained properly...

    7. You have been living in Thailand for a few years.

    - The best place to meet a Thai girl is in the food court near our office in a lunch time, it's free!
    - One Thai girl lives in your house and you no longer think about where to get food.
    - You nearly forgot how to speak in English, but your Thai hasn't improved at all.
    - You can walk around in anything. You're farang, you can wear even weird things...
    - The business is not bringing any profit and you have been trying to sell it for nearly a year already without any success.
    - Shorts for 100 baht - rip off!
    - Yesterday was 28 degrees, very cold, and your Thai lady put on three layers of clothing
    - Beer? What beer? Sang Som with soda and M150 ..
    - You season vegetables with salt and pepper
    - You drive only barefoot or maybe sometimes in flip-flops, when it's really cold...
    - You have difficulty remembering the current month and you stopped linking it with the words "winter, spring, summer, autumn"
    - Indian tailors ignore you when you walk past.
    - You know the Thai national anthem better than your own, as it is played before each movie in a cinema and twice a day on the radio

    8. You come back home

    - You are so excited you can wear jackets and boots again!
    - You can't leave your shower- the pressure is so good and you can control the temperature!
    - You can actually download big movies - the speed is great!
    - You are surprised to discover that the toilet paper - it's a toilet paper, not cloth on the table.
    - On the second day, you already start missing Thai food.
    - It's actually terribly cold outside.
    - Why there are no decent cheap places to eat? Where do all these people eat?
    - The people don't really get it when you smile to them... On the third day you also stop smiling.
    - Where have all the motorbikes gone? Have they ever been here.. or not?
    - Why the people in the passport office are so rude? Aren't they scared to lose their face?
    - Where can I get some chilli to chew?
    - Sorry, how much did you say is this cup of tea? No, no, no...it's ridiculous, I don't believe you...I will stick to water...
    - You can't wait to go back to Thailand...
    "Man cannot discover New Oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" 
      
       
       
         
       
      
     

  2. #2
    The artist formally known as Wabbits Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน wabbits's Avatar
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    Classic sooo much truth in there.5555
    .

  3. #3
    Uber Star Foundation member Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน vanguy77's Avatar
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    Fun reading! ... I talked to a guy in Chiang Mai who had moved to Thailand from the US and been living there for two months, and he did not have a clue! No Thai, had no idea of the culture at all and was oblivious of the most simple things. I was so glad I did some internet research before I went that first time, and especially that I had stumbled across the Newbie guide on a certain forum. That should be handed to any guy travelling alone on his first trip to Thailand, before he departs his home airport.
    [SIZE="3"]"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
    Mark Twain
    [/SIZE]

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