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Thread: Introducing the NEW sweetie to the ex...

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    Introducing the NEW sweetie to the ex...

    We all know this could be a hazardous situation, and uncomfortable at the least. I recently went through it intentionally and escaped unscathed, and a whole lot better off. But, this story needs a bit of background to make it understood.

    After having come to Thailand on a regular basis since 1997, for one month visits, I decided to stay longer when I retired in 2002. By that time I knew a bit about the country and its people. I had traveled extensively around the country, but my early years were spent in Pattaya doing the usual bar scene.

    Having seen the many women with small children needing help in the country I decided to unofficially "adopt" a family and provide some financial help. It was to be strictly a charity situation. I don't believe in free handouts, but I DO believe in helping people help themselves, and I figured I could supply that... even in a small way.

    I met many women who seemed to fit the bill until I met their family. But, I can usually spot a money grubber looking for a sugar daddy, and I didn't want that. They were quickly struck off the list, but not that there wasn't some fun involved.

    Finally, in 2002 I met a woman, Boon, who was a short order cook in Pattaya. Boon said she was from Gangedenapoli... or something that sounded like that. She couldn't point it out on a map written in Thai even though she said it was only 2 hours by bus from Bangkok. No problem (My me ben hah) I'll just follow her lead and go visit her family. She said she had 2 small children. That was the first lie. She actually had 3 kids

    We leave at 8 AM to get on a 60 baht bus and wander all over the countryside picking up and dropping off people. 4 hours later we arrive at a bus terminal north of Bangkok. A 90 baht bus would have taken us to the heart of the city in 2 hours. Then, we get in a taxi for another one hour ride to arrive at the old southern bus terminal. There we get on another 60 baht bus to head for her home. Again, this bus wanders all over the country delivering people to their destination. I have no clue where we are going or in what direction. The Bangkok haze kills all direction of light sources.

    Eventually, after many stops, I see a sign that says welcome to Kanchanaburi. Ah ha, now I have some idea where we are. 10 km later the bus stops at the tiny Thai village of Luk Kae and Boon tells me this is her home.

    End of chapter one

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    This sounds interesting Ian
    Chapter 2 soon please

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    Chapter 2

    After arriving at Luk Kae in the late afternoon I realize we aren't going back to my hotel in Pattaya that night. I had to stay in the family home on a thin mattress or pile of blankets. But, that's okay, I'm flexible. I'm the old bush ranger who slept out on mountain tops with only the stars for cover.
    First night's accommodation



    However, I had not taken into account Thai roosters that crow periodically all night long. Nor did I account for the local nearby temple whose monks get up at 5 AM to play their blaring sounds at decibles that would bring down flying aircraft.



    I won't even get into the subject of constantly barking soi dogs that seem to squabble all night long in Thai villages. Or, the loud speakers on every street corner spewing propaganda from 6 AM to 8 AM. Rural Thailand is NOT a place to come for peace and quiet.





    Needless to say, despite being tired, I did not get much sleep that first night. I also wasn't used to a squat toilet and basic cold shower room. The second night I decided I would either leave for Pattaya or stay at the only hotel in the nearby city of Ban Pong, 10 km back towards Bangkok. I compromised by staying in Ban Pong for the next three days. Boon and I drove back and forth each night on the family scooter.



    What happened in that three days changed my life forever. I fell in love with the two younger children who responded to me like I was their birth father. The older girl, Fern, was 8 at the time, and although nice enough, she never responded like the little ones did.



    Little Fong completely stole my heart and often fell asleep in my arms. I'm a complete mush when it comes to kids.



    I would pick her up from school and carry her home on my shoulders... even though in Thai culture, children are not supposed to be held higher than adults.


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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Uber Star Dazza's Avatar
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    Looking forward to this thread :-)

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    Chapter 3

    I decided that this would be the family I would unofficially adopt. The children's mother, Boon seemed nice enough, and she was insatiable when it came to sex. That is very important to me because I've always had a high sex drive. Boon had two older sisters who were married and very lovely women. Boon's father and mother lived in the family home with one of Boon's sisters, her husband and Boon's 3 children. Needless to say it was crowded, but it seemed to work. The family home was only a hundred meters from the River Kwai and the kids got me to take them swimming at every opportunity.





    When they were babies the kids used to swim naked, but that changed when they were around 5 years old and modesty suddenly became the norm.



    While I was visiting, Boon drove me around the local area visiting various temples. We also took my first trip to see the death railway and famous bridge in Kanchanaburi. The area looked like it needed further visits in the future.


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    Does Cippy now about this...555
    "Don't wait around for your life to happen to you. Find something that makes you happy and do it. Everything else is just background noise." George Mason

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    Chapter 4

    Having decided to unofficially adopt Boon's family I did some research on the average monthly income of most Thais at that time. It seemed to be about 6000 baht ($200 canadian) a month... which I could afford and still have enough for my own personal needs. At no point did I even contemplate getting married or EVER living in a small, rural Thai village. I would go stir crazy in a month. And, despite obvious family pressures there is no way I was ever going to build a big family home. this was strictly a charity case with benefits. I've kept it that way and for 12 years I have faithfully sent 6000 baht each month to Boon's bank account. Sometimes I've sent it in lump funds to cut down in bank transfer fees, but I've never once stopped sending money. I also gave more at birthdays, Christmas and on holidays with the kids.

    Unfortunately, Boon did not live up to her side of the bargain. She was supposed to work and add income to the family like her sisters did. Instead she sat on her butt, got fat and accepted my charity. She made a series of very poor decisions with the money I sent. She bought useless things to show off (face ?) to neighbours. She bought a new motorbike on time, but failed to make payments, and expected me to pay off the scooter. Sorry, I'm not paying high interest to ANY bank. The 40,000 baht bike would have cost 80,000 baht if it had ever been paid for. Instead it got reposessed after three years. I could bore you with dozens of her silly and stupid mistakes, but I won't. On EVERY trip to visit them over the next 12 years, Boon managed to do something to royally piss me off. But, I never waver on my payments.

    I set up an ice and water business for the family at my own expense, over and above the monthly income to Boon. I bought 3 big ice chests for different size ice and bought a second hand motorbike with a side car so they could make deliveries. As it turned out, Boon's older sister took over the finances and running of the business and they did quite well.



    Little Fong would fill up motorbikes that needed fuel using whiskey bottles full of gasoline... for what ever markup they deemed reasonable.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Nomad View Post
    Does Cippy now about this...555
    Why would cippy need to know? EVERY situation in Thailand is entirely unique to itself. I've seen the extremes at both ends of the spectrum. I'm only telling my story.

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian Forbes View Post
    Why would cippy need to know? EVERY situation in Thailand is entirely unique to itself. I've seen the extremes at both ends of the spectrum. I'm only telling my story.
    Think he's just making a joke of the title with "Sweetie" in it.
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Chapter 5

    Boon, the eldest daughter, Fern, and the scooter that eventually got repossessed due to lack of payments.



    Typical of most Thai families, nobody walks if they can ride... even if it's only a short distance. And, Typical of most Thai families, the kids are riding the family bike long before they have a license or even reach puberty. And, the seldom wear helmets. Fern had an accident the first day she rode the bike and injured her ankle. Of course, Boon told me a big lie about how she needed a lot of money for the doctor. I did know that Thais pay very little for medical costs. Hell, even as a farang I paid very little for a Thai doctor to fix me. Boon continually made up lies trying to get me to give her ore money. It got to a point where I couldn't separate the truth from the lies.

    But, for me I was torn between my love for the children and their love for me, and dealing with the frustrations that Boon caused on every visit. I would have been long gone after the first trip had it not been for the kids. As it was I do get the joy of seeing the kids grow up and show their affection on every visit, but there have been times when I asked myself is it worth it.



    Three years ago, for a family vacation, I took the family to kanchanburi and rented two rooms so the older girl, Fern could bring a friend. I didn't realize that Boon allowed the "friend" to be a 16 year old boy! Fern was 13 years old at the time and there was no way I was going to allow Fern and her boyfriend to stay in a separate room together! It made sleeping arrangements difficult to say the least. It didn't matter though; Fern got pregnant either then or shortly thereafter.

    Fern and her first baby. Now she has 2 and is pregnant with a third.



    Last year I rode my 250 D-tracker the 800 km down from Chiang Mai to visit the family because I wanted my own transportation if I wanted to take off. I could see my little girl was growing up and will become a lovely woman some day.


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    Chapter 6

    Through all the visits I've never been anything but truthful. I've never told any lies. I told Boon I wasn't going to marry her and I had many girl friends in Chiang Mai. I told her to find some other man who was as dumb as me who would support her. When she threatened to go back to Pattaya I said go, do what you have to, I no longer care. But, I would not stop supporting the children. I was in the unfortunate position of loving the kids but had no way of communicating with them. They could only write broken English, but could not speak it.

    Fast forward to recently. I've met someone whom I can live with for as long as it lasts. I am a realist and know my time is limited. I'm 74 and my Thai girlfriend in Chiang Mai is 36. I have no illusions about a long term romance. When it ends I'll wish the lady well and hope for the best for her. She agreed to come on a trip with me to visit Boon's children... knowing full well that Boon would probably cause problems. I just said that if it got too bad we would just leave. My new love, Pui, was able to talk to Fong on the phone prior to us visiting and it went very well.

    Pui and I just got back from the trip to Kanchanaburi and the visit went very well. Pui was a HUGE asset when meeting the two kids: Fong and Kong. They can't speak English but can write a bit of it. Pui acted as interpreter and I learned a lot I didn't know before. I asked Boon many questions over the 12 years I've known her and she never answered ONE question truthfully. With Pui's help. this time I found out.

    I now know the children's age and a bit about their fathers. Kong just turned 16 in January and Fong will be 14 in July. All 3 of Boon's children have separate fathers and there never was a proper marriage. Kong now lives with his aunt (Boon's older and smarter sister) because he doesn't get along with his mother. Fong lives with Boon and her grandmother. Fong's real father occasionally comes to visit her and takes her shopping. Kong never knew his father. The older sister has 2 children and is pregnant again, but the guy is still around.

    Pui and I flew to Bangkok and took a bus to Kanchanaburi. We didn't stop at Boon's village (Luk Kae) but continued 40 km on by bus to the quasi resort town made famous by the bridge that got bombed in the 2nd World War. There is no accommodation in Luk Kae and nothing nearby. It is what I usually did on more recent trips before.

    Boon's 2 sisters drove the kids to meet Pui and I in Kanchanaburi that evening and we had a excellent meeting. Boon stayed home using some excuse. She didn't want her sisters to hear the lies she was going to tell me. I took everyone to supper and got hugs from both sisters who I like. I got a separate room for the 2 kids at the guest house we usually stay at.



    Boon arrived the next day but she didn't want to join us on our walk and boat ride up the river. She never liked to walk more than a few hundred meters. It worked out for the best because I was able to set up bank accounts for both the children. Pui explained it wasn't for pocket money but for their future education. They understood and won't let Boon get her hands on the money. Boon joined us later for lunch and shopping for the kids. It went fairly well with no hostilities, but Boon was trying hard to separate me from the group. I wasn't falling for it. That 2nd night Kong slept in the room with Pui and me and Fong stayed in the other room with her mother.



    Pui and the two kids, with Boon in the background... before things turned hostile



    Then next day I hired a car and driver for the day ($40) and he drove the 4 of us to Erawan waterfalls (75 km) where we had a marvellous day together hiking and swimming. I've been there many times before with the kids, but this time Boon stayed back in town and she couldn't ruin it like she usually did. Pui thoroughly enjoyed herself and got along famously with the kids. They both have cel phones and stay in touch with Pui acting as interpreter.



    That evening it all came to a boil because Boon could see that the children loved Pui. Boon started her usual BS and name calling, but she didn't get any support from the kids. She told a bunch of lies as usual that even Kong confirmed were lies. Pui had enough of her crap and went back to our room. Boon finally got me separated from the kids long enough for her soul purpose to ask for money. I said I would give her 2000 baht ($80) but she wanted 5000 baht, so I just took the 2000 back and said she would get nothing ever again. And, I mean it. She is quite capable of working the same as everyone else. I would still have helped her a little bit, but she got greedy so she gets nothing. I gave Kong a bit of money and told him to take his sister home to Luk Kae which he did.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
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    So what's the deal now Ian?
    Do I understand correct that from now on you are going to sent allowances direct to the kids?
    Or you finished you charity altogether?

    Way I dealt with it in my sponsoring, is that I only pay the bills for the girls school..
    She scans the bills and E-mails them and I pay... Sometime get asked for extra's, but always daughter and school related (well, not always..555)

    Hope you don't stop caring and taking care of these kids! Although I can certainly understand the difficulty..!

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    Rak, I will put money in the kids account on a regular basis, but only for their future needs. I'll send extra if needed, but I won't be stupid about it. I love the kids like they were my own. Pui has been pure gold for me by acting as an interpreter. In actuality, Pui has gained a son and new daughter who will probably stay friends long after I am gone.

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Out of interest... just how bad were the other girls you interviewed if Boon was the best? ...555

    Still nice to hear the story context of how it all came to be...
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian Forbes View Post
    Rak, I will put money in the kids account on a regular basis, but only for their future needs. I'll send extra if needed, but I won't be stupid about it. I love the kids like they were my own. Pui has been pure gold for me by acting as an interpreter. In actuality, Pui has gained a son and new daughter who will probably stay friends long after I am gone.
    You are not afraid this will disrupt the relationship between these kids and their mum?

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    Good on ya Ian. Seems the kids are taking after their aunties, thank Buddha, and they have you as a role model in at least as much as seeing your generosity.
    Never argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. M.T.

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    just how bad were the other girls you interviewed if Boon was the best?
    It wasn't so much the mother as it was the kids. They just stole my heart. Boon isn't a bad person. She was trying to be a good mother, but she is just lazy. I can tell a bar girl's BS very quickly.

    You are not afraid this will disrupt the relationship between these kids and their mum?
    No, the two kids have already grown up enough to understand, and Kong no longer lives with his mother becaue she never showed him any attention.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    That is one dynamic I can see with many bar girls, they lose their perspective when it comes to taking and money. They develop a "you pay I eat" perspective. Not to say that they don't work for their money. But, just too many start to see farang as a means to an end, a mark. That looks like the difference between Boon and her sisters.
    Never argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. M.T.

  19. #19
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cippy View Post
    That is one dynamic I can see with many bar girls, they lose their perspective when it comes to taking and money. They develop a "you pay I eat" perspective. Not to say that they don't work for their money. But, just too many start to see farang as a means to an end, a mark. That looks like the difference between Boon and her sisters.
    But isn't that the "mark's" problem? ie. shouldn't they/we... be able to distinguish between girls who see you as a means to an end, rather than an end in yourself? You've done it with Sweetie I imagine... as have most on here in successful relationships.

    So I don't really see it as a TG problem. It's a mismatch problem... whatever the culture, if you are a means to an end... you're with the wrong girl?
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


  20. #20
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Cippy's Avatar
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    I did say bar girls and even then was careful to say there are exceptions.

    Absolutely its the mark's problem, a place like Nana, or Bangla or Walking Street should not be viewed as entirely safe where it nothing but good intentions.
    Never argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. M.T.

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