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Thread: Paying it forward

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    Paying it forward

    About 15 years ago I realized I already had enough personal possesions and I could help others who were not so fortunate as myself. I just decided I would help people who needed it more than me. My two kids are well taken care of and both have good careers. They are going to inherit my big home in Canada and all my crap when I die anyway, so they just get minor assistance throughout the year.

    The poor and unfortunate in Canada are already well taken care of, and what little I could offer would be taken up in administration fees anyway. In Canada, there are lots of opportunities for those actually willing to work.
    That is not the case in Thailand. And, the little I can afford goes much further.

    I've already mentioned on this forum that I've helped support a family in Kanchanaburi for 12 years. The rewards I've received in return are that I have the love and respect of two nice kids who are now teenagers.
    I've taken on a few other charity cases as well and have had about a 50% success ratio. That is good enough for me. I ask for nothing else in return. It all goes for a good cause one way or another.

    But, every once in a while I am rewarded in special ways. The Joy on the face of someone who just recieves something unexpected is special to me. Yesterday was one such day.

    I decided to help a woman who just recently started to work in a bar I frequent. She had just moved from Phuket where she had a fruit and veggie business that wasn't doing so well because of the down turn in the economy. Her mother and daughter live in Saraphi, about 12 km outside Chiang Mai, but the woman hadn't had time to visit them for economic reasons. She hadn't seen them in three years. The woman stays at the bar with a good friend where she just found work. No time off to visit family when just starting a job.

    On the spur of the moment I told the woman I would "bar fine" her, but with no personal involvement between us. She could sleep on the separate bed in my room and we could get up early the next morning to visit her mother and 14 year old daughter. As it turned out it was a very lucky decision. The daughter was involved in a big school ceremony and parade that day, and seeing the joy on the faces of the woman, her daughter and her mother, seeing each other for the first time in ages, was more than enough reward for me.

    Paying it forward has its own rewards.
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  2. #2
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    One of my pet hates... people who advertise how generous they are....

    I'm more interested how your dying GF is doing. This all seems a strange dichotomy...
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    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    One of my pet hates... people who advertise how generous they are....

    I'm more interested how your dying GF is doing. This all seems a strange dichotomy...
    Not advertising, DP, just saying it's worth trying. It's changed my life for the better and it comes with its own rewards. There is nothing further I can do for Pui. She is terminal. All I can do now is help her mother, but that is tough when you can't commuicate.

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    You shouldn't do it for it's rewards... it should be purely selfless and non-rewarding... else you are just selfish...

    So good not to be a mod any more... 55
    Last edited by Quarky; 1st December 2014 at 01:46.
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Paying it forward

    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    You shouldn't do it for it's rewards... it should be purely selfless and non-rewarding... else you are a cnut...

    So good not to be a mod any more... 55

    Ian and the TG and her family are happier for the experience...what's the problem?
    Last edited by Nomad; 29th November 2014 at 18:28.
    "Don't wait around for your life to happen to you. Find something that makes you happy and do it. Everything else is just background noise." George Mason

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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    One of my pet hates... people who advertise how generous they are....

    I'm more interested how your dying GF is doing. This all seems a strange dichotomy...
    Pretty mean spirited comment when read in relation to Ian's post

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nomad View Post
    Both Ian and the TG and her family are both happier for the experience...what's the problem?
    Because too many people make out they are doing things for the benefit of the receiver... when they are in fact doing it to make themselves feel better. Donate anonymously, make it selfless.

    Why do people have to feel rewarded for helping people... if Rak saves someone's life... does he want the patient to know who saved them? No! He just wants them to know that "someone" did...

    That's the problem about today's western society... its become all about "me, me, me". What can I get out of it. Giving help or support should be non-negotiable... not an act of great kindness...

    A long time ago, I saved a child's life after she ran out in front of a car. I managed to race out and grab her before she was hit. I didn't hang around for any thanks from her parents. There is no need... They can feel better that someone cared enough to help. But I don't feel any reward from it. It was non-negotiable.

    And now I feel a cnut because I advertised something about myself which isn't special at all.
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    Because too many people make out they are doing things for the benefit of the receiver... when they are in fact doing it to make themselves feel better. Donate anonymously, make it selfless.

    Why do people have to feel rewarded for helping people... if Rak saves someone's life... does he want the patient to know who saved them? No! He just wants them to know that "someone" did...

    That's the problem about today's western society... its become all about "me, me, me". What can I get out of it. Giving help or support should be non-negotiable... not an act of great kindness...

    A long time ago, I saved a child's life after she ran out in front of a car. I managed to race out and grab her before she was hit. I didn't hang around for any thanks from her parents. There is no need... They can feel better that someone cared enough to help. But I don't feel any reward from it. It was non-negotiable.

    And now I feel a cnut because I advertised something about myself which isn't special at all.
    Nice to see the real DP..555

    But I think you are at least partly wrong...

    Helping someone is just that, helping... And the motivation behind that is rarely selfish, nor is it entirely selfless..
    If I help someone, I am just doing my job... But if time after time I would have received no gratitude or recognition for it, I probably would have changed careers long ago..

    A behavioral psychologist told me once that behavior without some sort of reward or fulfillment will not last.. And I find that to be true..

    Rewards can come physical, emotional, financial, or whatever.. But there is always a reward.

    To enlarge that reward by sharing a story, as Ian does here, does not say anything about the intention of his gesture!
    And the only form of advertising I see in it, is that maybe someone will repeat something like it... win-win...

  9. #9
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    Ian's just telling us a part of his story. People do stuff for all sorts of reasons.
    It's not like he ruined it for all the other customers....

    Dunno why anyone would want to call him a Cnut for doing it, or talking about it.
    Or do I??? just being a Cnut....?

    Last edited by Changone; 29th November 2014 at 19:06.
    And where the hell was Biggles.....?....when you needed him last Saturday....?

  10. #10
    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    Sounds like you have been holding a lot in DP. The shackles of being a MOD and the lone wolf comes out to bite.5555555

    What I will say Dp is that people deal with grief in many different ways, perhaps Mr forbes is going about it in his way.

    PS I paid a pensioners grocery bill today as he was deciding what to go without because he did not have enough money. He thanked me with odor of alcohol on his breath.

    DP do I need to feel good or bad for a good deed or is that a bad deed?????...............555555
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  11. #11
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jontymate View Post
    Sounds like you have been holding a lot in DP. The shackles of being a MOD and the lone wolf comes out to bite.5555555

    What I will say Dp is that people deal with grief in many different ways, perhaps Mr forbes is going about it in his way.

    PS I paid a pensioners grocery bill today as he was deciding what to go without because he did not have enough money. He thanked me with odor of alcohol on his breath.

    DP do I need to feel good or bad for a good deed or is that a bad deed?????...............555555
    I've done that as well! Then outside I marched him to an ATM and made him show me his bank balance... cnut was worth hundreds of thousands... 55

    Back to the OP. I know why IF started this thread... and Ian knows that I know... . It's because of the reaction he got in another thread.... when he mentioned he was waiting for his girl. He attempted to defend himself there... but felt the need to elaborate here. And I guarantee knowing that Ian is up with me for selfishness... that this girl will not be a big fat fugly... more likely pretty... and therein lies the true motivation... not this charity BS...

    And yes... hopefully you guys will see more of the true me now my arms are unbound... 55
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  12. #12
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RakThai View Post
    Nice to see the real DP..555

    But I think you are at least partly wrong...

    Helping someone is just that, helping... And the motivation behind that is rarely selfish, nor is it entirely selfless..
    If I help someone, I am just doing my job... But if time after time I would have received no gratitude or recognition for it, I probably would have changed careers long ago..

    A behavioral psychologist told me once that behavior without some sort of reward or fulfillment will not last.. And I find that to be true..

    Rewards can come physical, emotional, financial, or whatever.. But there is always a reward.

    To enlarge that reward by sharing a story, as Ian does here, does not say anything about the intention of his gesture!
    And the only form of advertising I see in it, is that maybe someone will repeat something like it... win-win...
    Rak... you of all people show know that true spiritual harmony comes from complete selflessness... 55

    I am nowhere near it. But I do dislike immensely people that feel the need to share with everyone how generous or selfless they are... we know the true motivations are likely a million miles from that...
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    You shouldn't do it for it's rewards... it should be purely selfless and non-rewarding... else you are a cnut...

    So good not to be a mod any more... 55
    I don't do it for the rewards, except it does make me feel good afterwards. I'm just saying that sometimes there are nice surprises. Yesterday was one of those days and that is what prompted this post.

    I know a few miserly people who won't help anyone, even though they have more than enough money for themselves. Most of them are sour people who complain a lot about everything. I seldom complain about anything unless we are just discussing life in general and all the injustices in the world that none of us have any chance of changing. But, every once in a while we can help someone in need, and I guarantee you will get pleasure from it. If that is selfish then so be it.
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Sorry Ian

    And I know you have a good heart

    But I am with DP on this one. Why the need to advertise it. People will almost always say to get other people to do likewise
    People are gong to be kind and generous by their own volition......

    I truly believe that you do like helping people but......as Nike says.....Just Do It


    PS......I would highly disagree with the scope of need and availability of work between Canada and Thailand in this day and age.
    Maybe some real poor people living in remote places but some BG in CM has many opportunities
    Last edited by MarcTwoSix; 29th November 2014 at 19:56.
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    I DO understand DP's thought process, and I agree somewhat. Too much grandstanding pisses people off. But, in this case it was just a simple spur of the moment thing that I was rewarded for. Otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it. I have no romantic interests in the lady in the story. Right now I'm still trying to get over a woman that I cared for, and who is dying. And, there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
    I've been helped many times myself by Thais who asked for nothing in return. And, they were all people who had very little, themselves.
    There are thousands of people in this world who do charity work all over the globe. They dedicate their lives to it, and very often they die because of it. They are the angels, and although I'm not a religious person, all I can say is God go with them. I'm quite certain they all get personal satisfaction from helping others.
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    Sorry Ian

    but some BG in CM has many opportunities
    The fact is that she does not want to be a bar girl. She won't go home with customers and she doesn't want to drink all the booze required by the women who get paid by the number of drinks they can get from customers. The only reason she went home with me is because her friends know I make no demands. I doubt if she will work in the bar very long, but time will tell. I'm willing to eat my words if she does.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian Forbes View Post
    The fact is that she does not want to be a bar girl. She won't go home with customers and she doesn't want to drink all the booze required by the women who get paid by the number of drinks they can get from customers. The only reason she went home with me is because her friends know I make no demands. I doubt if she will work in the bar very long, but time will tell. I'm willing to eat my words if she does.
    Then by all accounts she couldn't make more than 5k/mo
    She could make way more than that in many jobs


    PS......I will say one thing for your old fella......you take criticism or debate as well as anyone. You really have a great disposition

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    Rak... you of all people show know that true spiritual harmony comes from complete selflessness... 55

    I am nowhere near it. But I do dislike immensely people that feel the need to share with everyone how generous or selfless they are... we know the true motivations are likely a million miles from that...
    DP.. Absolute selflessness does not exist!
    Just think about it.. Absolute selflessness would require not to have any preference, not to have any judgement and not to have any opinion.
    Even if you could manage to switch off all these motivators, there are physical motivators that are even harder to deny..

    Absolute selflessness, if possible, could only lead to absolute nihilism..

    I will stick to selfishlessness (if that is a word)...
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    Then by all accounts she couldn't make more than 5k/mo
    She could make way more than that in many jobs
    For her sake I really hope she does. Some folks just need a simple hand upwards at some point in their lives and they fly with it. I've seen it happen on more than a few occasions. I can give at least 5 examples right here in Chiang Mai. Indirectly it happened with the family I helped in Kanchanaburi. The woman who I initially tried to help blew it, but her sister took over the business I set up and it thrived. The sister and her family have moved on to bigger and better things.

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    Paying it forward

    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    Why the need to advertise it.

    "advertising" brings awareness to others of ways you can help enhance other peoples lives, and including your own.

    *** s Rex "advertising" of Lifehome Project is how many became aware of the Project and got involved. So, I am now a Cnut for "advertising"...what a crock of sh!t. It is the outcome that matters not the motivation.
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