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Thread: Farang's should reach out I think

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    Cadet Bronze pooyai's Avatar
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    Farang's should reach out I think

    A bit of background. Came here 6 years ago. Met an English fellow at the market, he'd been here 9 years had a young daughter. We had a beer or 2 over a couple of years while we were waiting for respective missus to finish shopping and then the wives would chat a bit. He sort of extended a chance to socialise a bit but I was busy and he was a grumbler and a bit hard on his missus and the Thais so I never took him up on it. He stopped going to that market but I still ran into him occasionally. About 18 months ago one of my nieces who works near to his house told me that he and his family had been involved in a terrible accident with a truck and bogey. I was told the wife was decapitated and he was badly injured. Thought I'd better go around and did. There was a woman at his house whom I knew was the wife of another very stand offish farang who won't even make eye contact. She told me they were both doing OK in hospital and that Jeff's wife sister was there attending to their needs. I asked her who she was and she said her name and that she was Chris's wife and lived next door. Chris is a fifo farang who comes over from England 3 or 4 times a year. Strange that Jeff never mentioned it. Anyway I ran into Jeff at Macro about a year ago, over his injuries, brand new car, said he had won the civil case and was now going a criminal case against the truck driver.

    I was at the market day before yesterday and I saw both women there but I was on a mission so didn't stop. But yesterday saw them again and I said where's Jeff haven't seen him for ages. She said he's dead, died March 23, from cancer, she believes something to do with the accident. Although I don't think we understood each other 100% on that point. He had chemo for a few months last year which extended his life by 8 months. 58yo. She was definitely tearing up as she told how her daughter missed him terribly. And how he was buried in the back yard, apparently she had the Thai funeral but without the cremation. And invited me to come around and sit and have a beer with him. I had a tear in my eye too.

    Point is my family knew a farang had died but did not tell me, also if I had occasionally socialised with him I would have known and been at least able to go to the funeral, if not assist in some other way. I guess the other farang may have been there but none of his family made it. So if you ever do come and live in the sticks here make the effort fellas, I sure wish I had. Do you think I should go and have that beer?
    Quarky, Sydney, PeteGill and 1 others like this.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
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    seems to be the asian way.
    a japanese friend here lost her husband last year through cancer and last time at her house she took us into their bedroom where she had his pic and some candles burning and insisted we stay there and talk with her and him there.

    certainly wont do any harm PY and will make her feel very comfortable.
    pooyai likes this.
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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PeteGill's Avatar
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    A quiet moment and a beer will not do any harm, I remember a number of years ago a mate of died of cancer and I could not make the funeral as it was up in Joburg and it was too short a notice to get a flight.
    Instead I went to a quiet spot on the beach and just sat on a rock and "talked' with him... I felt better and in my own little way had paid my respects.
    pooyai likes this.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน justcruzing1's Avatar
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    PY i think it would be nice if you went.

    Even though you didn't know him well it is good another farang can show respect to him.

    Hey, if there is an after life and he is there watching it won't hurt to have him as a friend to show you around when you eventually get there
    pooyai likes this.
    "Of course you love me darling, I handsome man 55555"

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    Cadet Gold BangkokSteve's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pooyai View Post
    So if you ever do come and live in the sticks here make the effort fellas, I sure wish I had. Do you think I should go and have that beer?
    yes I think its called ethnic fraternity and i agree it can improve the life of both the giver and receiver. .and yes I agree it can be awkward...but rewarding.

    though I was living in the bkk burbs I was aware of the occasional falang who must have been a local resident like myself but yet I never went out my way to meet them..partly the big city thing but there was a small part of me that was thinking..gee look at that sorry soul over there gosh do I stand out like that? and heh the guy could be spanish or german and so there would be less ethnic 'attraction'

    the thais reach out in sydney to other thais very well...but dont mix that much with japanese or filipino for example.

    another thought came to my mind when reading your story.. the guy who died was pressing for criminal charges...what would have been the consequence to the accussed if criminal charges succeeded..if the conseqences to the accused are too onerous..a falang can be removed quite easily and have it made to look like an accident..however it was said that the guy died of cancer..bit hard to fake that.

    its just that I have heard of a few falang dying out in the sticks under vague circumstances and medical conditions.

    a lot of the falang are elderly of course which raises the numbers...and medical services are of a lower standard and/ or expensive...but still .
    pooyai likes this.
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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Ever since my first trip to Kanchanaburi (and my second trip to Thailand) I noted how - for want of a better word - impressed - the Thai people would be that I had come all that way to visit my Uncle's ghost (he was actually a cousin but Uncle - loong - was simpler to explain/say in Thai).

    Need I tell you that keeping the "pee" at peace and not disturbing the spirits is a big thing to a Thai? ... I'd think not (to the power of ten) since you live there ..... 555

    Go have the beer as it will mean a lot to her that he meant enough to you to do so.

    Enjoy...
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    Life is the unexpected ...

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    Cadet Bronze pooyai's Avatar
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    Thanks guys I have 5 saying go plus me so that's a quorum I think. I'd better take a couple of tinnies for him too then, open them and put a straw in like they do with the red fizzy drink. I remember my first road trip with the missus, then girlfriend, she bought a red drink and opened it left it in the drink holder all day, I asked why she didn't drink it, bought it for the stillborn nephew!

    And Steve whilst Jeff was a bit of angry man with the Thai's he was mostly angry about the guy putting his daughter's life at risk. It may not have had time to get sorted, the truck driver worked for a big legit company, I'll find out anyway I suppose. I don't think there is any foul play here.

    I thought he was a bit harsh with the Thai's back then but I still had my rose coloured glasses on, now I know and understand why he felt like that, but I approach it a bit differently I hope

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    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
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    TBH its not easy to make friends with fellow expats....especially when like me you are fast aproaching your 60th year and the potential pool is often even older...we all get set in our ways over time which makes it much harder to make new friends the older you get

    I can count on one hand the expats I have made true friends with since I have lived on Samui (3 years)....most are younger than me and still working as FIFOs....Most of the folks in country I have befriended happened around the old PI Board/Mai Tai Bar nexus and in my 3 years living on Phuket before moving here...but they were built over 12+ years of regularly being there

    yep....its good (and right) to reach out to expats in need however the harsh reality is that if someone is "grouchy" and not kind to the Thais in their life....I probably wouldn't give them the time of day..of course I would help them if required..but I cannot stand being around constantly "negative" people...and unfortunately many expats do fall into this trap
    jontymate likes this.

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Dupree's Avatar
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    When you're well traveled. Over time and many experiences you develop a strong "douche" radar. Sometimes you meet someone that exhibits many of the traits of people that have let you down. You register that and give them a wide berth. When you're young you are always open to a friendly conversation because you haven't been burned so much. It's risky to reach out to an expat living in your village. Especially when you discover the village already hates him.....555...
    bacwaan likes this.
    I just girl in bar. Buy me one dink?....

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    Cadet Gold BangkokSteve's Avatar
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    .......Especially when you discover the village already hates him.....555...
    that got me thinking about mental illness among foreigners living in a small thai community...if someone possibly from a larger city has a borderline personality disorder which can cause a feeling of isolation then moves to a small isolated community where everyone is expected to interact it could bring him out of his shell but it could cause him to shrink into himself even further..if he is lucky he has a wise and compassionate partner or is found by a wise local monk..if not it cause things to get very sad or ugly or both..

    large cities can carry fringe dwellers more easily..
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน meese's Avatar
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    perhaps bars are not the best place to meet fellow expats..imo it does seem to attract a lot of bottom feeders who often have an inflated opinion of the there worth..i suppose what would get me down is the constant moaning about the thais...many expats dont have a good word to say about them....this idea that just becouse someone is a expat that i should have some sort of connection with then is quiet frankly stupid....

    i agree with nels thou..the MTB was a special time and will probely not ever be repeated for many of us...i met lots of good people there...some have remained friends and i would like to think would be friends here in saffa or there home country's...but i also met some very strange people there as well(that deserves a thread all on its own 5555)....real friends are hard to find and takes time...

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Arliss Michaels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by meese View Post
    perhaps bars are not the best place to meet fellow expats..imo it does seem to attract a lot of bottom feeders who often have an inflated opinion of the there worth..i suppose what would get me down is the constant moaning about the thais...many expats dont have a good word to say about them....this idea that just becouse someone is a expat that i should have some sort of connection with then is quiet frankly stupid....

    i agree with nels thou..the MTB was a special time and will probely not ever be repeated for many of us...i met lots of good people there...some have remained friends and i would like to think would be friends here in saffa or there home country's...but i also met some very strange people there as well(that deserves a thread all on its own 5555)....real friends are hard to find and takes time...
    The MTB through PI for many, I never got there as I already had 2 home bases before discovering PI, one a mate ran now RIP and the Dolphin Bar was always kick off point and met many people there some good some bad some totally weird
    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน PeteGill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    The MTB through PI for many, I never got there as I already had 2 home bases before discovering PI, one a mate ran now RIP and the Dolphin Bar was always kick off point and met many people there some good some bad some totally weird
    I think that you quickly suss out the bars and bar patrons to avoid... In my years of going to CM firstly 69 Bar then Down Under Pub have been good to me in terms of meeting people. Both forum members and non members. And only a handful have I found to be not too my liking..

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน meese's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arliss Michaels View Post
    T the Dolphin Bar was always kick off point and met many people there some good some bad some totally weird
    the weird ones were the best..until it dawn on you that they were not joking 5555.....i suppose the crazy ones are here at home as well..just dont come into contact with them to much

  15. #15
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    I never really liked MTB bar. Only went there when forced to really... just never liked the vibe... too many farangs... 55
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
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    the LD harvesting at MTB was relentless and drove many away. bin padding rumours too.
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    Cadet Gold BangkokSteve's Avatar
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    what is MTB,?
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Moo Uaon's Avatar
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    Mai Thai Bar.
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    2 things on this:

    When I flew into BKK airport from Tokyo enroute to Samui it was shocking how low class a lot of the farangs were at the airport. People dressed like homeless people, many drinking beers already at 6am, 5 Brits just pissed out of their heads at the bar....at 6am in an airport.
    A lot of us were lucky to find MTB and these normal forums.
    Because Thailand does attract a lot of low class people. Obviously not everyone is but you are wading through them all.
    Plus, being an expat anywhere allows people to make themselves to be someone different......it actually encourages people that are shady to do so.
    And for as big of an expat population Thailand has it doesn't have the everyday "productive" expat community like other countries. Even when an expat is working in a corporate job in Thailand they are only one of a few in the company. That by no means that I am saying expats in Thailand aren't productive, many are, many on these forums are......just without that 9-5 expat job industry it lends itself back to a lot of shady characters

    The other thing is how many new friends are you going to meet in your life after 35 or so? I think a lot of us have been lucky through these forums to meet people we consider friends but imagine if we didn't have that it would be real hard
    justcruzing1 likes this.

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน jontymate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bacwaan View Post
    TBH its not easy to make friends with fellow expats....especially when like me you are fast aproaching your 60th year and the potential pool is often even older...we all get set in our ways over time which makes it much harder to make new friends the older you get

    I can count on one hand the expats I have made true friends with since I have lived on Samui (3 years)....most are younger than me and still working as FIFOs....Most of the folks in country I have befriended happened around the old PI Board/Mai Tai Bar nexus and in my 3 years living on Phuket before moving here...but they were built over 12+ years of regularly being there

    yep....its good (and right) to reach out to expats in need however the harsh reality is that if someone is "grouchy" and not kind to the Thais in their life....I probably wouldn't give them the time of day..of course I would help them if required..but I cannot stand being around constantly "negative" people...and unfortunately many expats do fall into this trap
    You would not you choose to be around negative people at home why would you there. Like what you conclude. What has become very apparent for me is just because you are labeled Asian or Farang we are all vastly different. Dao is a great example....... very few thai's she will give the time of day in Australia. Especially if they whine about the place and or their spouse. I see then the same feeling is reciprocated. I take great pride that she can recite (almost verbatim) the preamble in the documents given to her to become a citizen.

    Something that is a thread in itself going through that process.

    She will use that knowledge to give another Thai a mouthful if they are exploiting another Thai. We both dislike perpetual negativity and will not be around them. Those that play the Thai class card initially she would take in inwardly. Not now though.

    The OP describes a situation that is not so nice and can empathise with that. However understand how it gets there.
    bacwaan likes this.
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