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Thread: Changing their poor mindset

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Changing their poor mindset

    This is a weird topic because it might be hard to explain.

    But I guess I will start by asking if your wife or TG still has a poor mindset?

    I bring this up because we just recently got news that my stepson can attend a very good high school in Samut Prakan.
    It is a public school, but pretty highly ranked.....so the competition to get in is hard.
    Naturally, you can bribe your way in.....which is what we did.

    We had to pay 100k baht as a "donation" to school but now his admission is just a formality.
    The thing is after my wife met with the school (obviously dome on the sly) she was worried about the amount. Which I told her would be in her bank the next day.

    I told his education, him having advantages she didn't have is why she took the path she did and why we are together and you want him to have every advantage he can.

    But what puzzles me is she makes 100k in 2 months at work easy.....So there is a disconnect.
    Also in the same breath she will pay 7-9k for a bag.

    But when it comes to things like school or stuff she couldn't afford when she was younger she seems to have this mental block in a way.
    Like she can "afford" the bag because she is a normal girl in her 30's with a bag(and a husband with a good job 555)
    But stuff like schooling it things she didn't have the luxury of, she seems to think things are so expensive.

    Or maybe she just can't recognize that her son has grown up middle class. She worked to make that happen, that was always he'd goal......but now that he grew up different than her she still sort of applies her mindset from her own experiences.

    I hope I explained that well enough.

    PS.....it's not that she doesnt value education or doesn't recognize what's best for her son.....it just seems she can't understand it fully. I guess things she sort of just dreamed about seem weird tbey are just normal life for him.

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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    Explained it fine, and i think on this particular occasion its partly the amount ... 100,000 baht does some like a lot, ( its not ) but in LOS 100K can go a long way. For many its a whole years wages .... she has being away for 3 months, every month that goes by she probably gets back into the mindset that 100K is a lot.... if she was in Van it would be a different mindset again, so you have a few different forces effecting her thinking.

    JK certainly started with a poor mindset and was cautious as when spending money ... 6 years later you should see her go now ..5555
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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Sydney's Avatar
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    Ohh and i also want to add the word tangible ... a handbag is something she can see now, benefits of education is some thing she cannot, throw in a touch of thai logics, the 100K mentioned above, 3 months living there .... ??????
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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Uber Star KRIS-ONE's Avatar
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    It's a lot for a bribe isn't it? Maybe she thinks their taking the piss.

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    This is a weird topic because it might be hard to explain.

    But I guess I will start by asking if your wife or TG still has a poor mindset?

    I bring this up because we just recently got news that my stepson can attend a very good high school in Samut Prakan.
    It is a public school, but pretty highly ranked.....so the competition to get in is hard.
    Naturally, you can bribe your way in.....which is what we did.

    We had to pay 100k baht as a "donation" to school but now his admission is just a formality.
    The thing is after my wife met with the school (obviously dome on the sly) she was worried about the amount. Which I told her would be in her bank the next day.

    I told his education, him having advantages she didn't have is why she took the path she did and why we are together and you want him to have every advantage he can.

    But what puzzles me is she makes 100k in 2 months at work easy.....So there is a disconnect.
    Also in the same breath she will pay 7-9k for a bag.

    But when it comes to things like school or stuff she couldn't afford when she was younger she seems to have this mental block in a way.
    Like she can "afford" the bag because she is a normal girl in her 30's with a bag(and a husband with a good job 555)
    But stuff like schooling it things she didn't have the luxury of, she seems to think things are so expensive.

    Or maybe she just can't recognize that her son has grown up middle class. She worked to make that happen, that was always he'd goal......but now that he grew up different than her she still sort of applies her mindset from her own experiences.

    I hope I explained that well enough.

    PS.....it's not that she doesnt value education or doesn't recognize what's best for her son.....it just seems she can't understand it fully. I guess things she sort of just dreamed about seem weird tbey are just normal life for him.
    Is it a Thai thing? My dad was very poor, but always wanted me to go to Uni... until he saw the fees... and told me I had to get a job and finance it myself.. so I did...

    What he spent on cigarettes and alcohol would have covered it easily...

    I think it is a mentality that a lot of people growing up deprived bring with them into adulthood... there are of course exceptions like yourself Paulie.. but what about your family or friends that grew up poor.. do they think like you?
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Founding Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Changone's Avatar
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    Most "Good" (Read private) schools here in the west have various funds that you can make "Donations" to. And they are expected, otherwise you may find yourself having a conversation with the principal as to exactly how "comfortable" your son or daughter is at the school, and whether you should consider "Alternatives".
    IMO it could be more of a "Class" (no pun intended) related thing than a relative cost mindset.
    If she thinks her child will be put in a "class above" due to mixing with the Hisos, could be just that.
    No one wants to be the poorest kid in school.


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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Changone View Post

    Most "Good" (Read private) schools here in the west have various funds that you can make "Donations" to. And they are expected, otherwise you may find yourself having a conversation with the principal as to exactly how "comfortable" your son or daughter is at the school, and whether you should consider "Alternatives".
    IMO it could be more of a "Class" (no pun intended) related thing than a relative cost mindset.
    If she thinks her child will be put in a "class above" due to mixing with the Hisos, could be just that.
    No one wants to be the poorest kid in school.


    That is part of it it, I think
    But the thing is, he won't be the poorest kid in school....far from it.
    He is as middle class as any middle class Thai
    And that has been the case pretty much his whole life.
    But I think she still sort of projects her situation growing up onto him.....even though she knows that is not true.
    Just sort of weird

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    ประเทศไทยเพื่อน Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน chelski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KRIS-ONE View Post
    It's a lot for a bribe isn't it? Maybe she thinks their taking the piss.
    Kris, if you tried to bribe your way into a good schood here in Australia for just under $4000, that would not be considered a high cost (compared to the ongoing school fees). In saying that, I have never heard it being done here.

    I had oveseas students from Asia board with us for a couple of years and attened local state schools (not private), and their parents were paying $5000-6000 per term to attend the local schools. We were getting $220 per week to look after them and feed them, so throw in weekly spending money and the obligartity laptop, ipad that is needed to study, I would say their parents would have been up for about $10,000 per term all up.

    So Marc26, if that is a good top rate school and your are happy with what you have paid, I would consider it a good investment in your stepson's future.
    It would be all very well sending him to an overseas school, but from what i saw of the students we had with us, after a couple of months, a lot of the study concentration was lost in the party like lifestyle there is here for students in Perth. So leaving him in his local enviroment is a good thing from what I saw happening with the ones we had with us.

    Getting back to you wife's mindset.
    I often suggest to do something, and get from my GF that we we cannot afford this, cannot afford that, but then suddenly expensive bed sheets suddenly appear, normally around the $150 a set mark. So where is the logic in that. It not only your wife that has that sort of logic I think it goes for a lot of women. I just shake my head and think WTF is the use arguing and then have to listen to all the exuses for trying to justify it. It does my head in

    At that stage it is time for a beer and forget about it.
    Last edited by chelski; 16th February 2016 at 23:39.
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KRIS-ONE View Post
    It's a lot for a bribe isn't it? Maybe she thinks their taking the piss.
    No, it is the going rate
    The biggest reason Ao took this time back in Thailand(apart from a holiday from me! 555) was to get his school sorted
    This was the #1 school she wanted him to go to.
    But she knew she needed a connection to get in, given that he isn't from this province and his grades(A's and B's vs needing straight A's)
    And to her credit......she really grabbed the bulls by the horn and hit the ground and set up all sorts of meetings, talking to all different people until she found a connection at the school

    And 100k was the going rate, she had heard that from multiple people before she even had her meetings with the school
    Net-Net it ends up about the same as his current private school, just more up front

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sydney View Post
    Explained it fine, and i think on this particular occasion its partly the amount ... 100,000 baht does some like a lot, ( its not ) but in LOS 100K can go a long way. For many its a whole years wages .... she has being away for 3 months, every month that goes by she probably gets back into the mindset that 100K is a lot.... if she was in Van it would be a different mindset again, so you have a few different forces effecting her thinking.

    JK certainly started with a poor mindset and was cautious as when spending money ... 6 years later you should see her go now ..5555
    As C1 mentioned and you are alluding to, I think it is a class thing and it's one of the things I most dislike about Thailand
    She has this mindset that she was born poor so any upward movement is hard to overcome..........even if her son wasn't brought up poor

    I also think she does get into the Thai mindset because when she is home she is with her brothers and her 2 best friends are not with farangs
    But even all them make decent livings, her brothers all make 20-20k, her 2 best friends live pretty comfortably
    But as I said..............Thailand has such a caste system

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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    Is it a Thai thing? My dad was very poor, but always wanted me to go to Uni... until he saw the fees... and told me I had to get a job and finance it myself.. so I did...

    What he spent on cigarettes and alcohol would have covered it easily...

    I think it is a mentality that a lot of people growing up deprived bring with them into adulthood... there are of course exceptions like yourself Paulie.. but what about your family or friends that grew up poor.. do they think like you?
    My wife definitely wants her son to go to Uni and understands it's importance

    As for your question about me...........that's the thing
    I was the only kid that lived in the housing projects in my group.........never felt I was out of place

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    My wife definitely wants her son to go to Uni and understands it's importance

    As for your question about me...........that's the thing
    I was the only kid that lived in the housing projects in my group.........never felt I was out of place
    But how many of your hood friends ended up at uni?
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    But how many of your hood friends ended up at uni?
    Only 1 other graduated high school...took him 5 years
    But I had 2 sets of friends............them and my friends I mostly hung out with because of sports.
    Never felt different in either group

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    Only 1 other graduated high school...took him 5 years
    But I had 2 sets of friends............them and my friends I mostly hung out with because of sports.
    Never felt different in either group
    But what I am getting at is the difference in attitude... how many of those from the hood who never got past high school... now encourage and support their kids through uni or do they just repeat the mindset cycle... same same my dad... same same poor Thais?
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    But what I am getting at is the difference in attitude... how many of those from the hood who never got past high school... now encourage and support their kids through uni or do they just repeat the mindset cycle... same same my dad... same same poor Thais?
    No, my wife definitely understand and encourages her son to go to University
    He discussed technical school with her just because he also worries about costs but she told him it was important for her and I that he go to Uni
    She definitely encourages and also understands the advantages

    It is just she seems sort of confused between 2 worlds

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    No, my wife definitely understand and encourages her son to go to University
    He discussed technical school with her just because he also worries about costs but she told him it was important for her and I that he go to Uni
    She definitely encourages and also understands the advantages

    It is just she seems sort of confused between 2 worlds
    Yeah I know what you mean... dad wanted me to go to uni... mostly to show off to his family I think... but then he saw the fees.. and baulked... but then he thought nothing of spending more than my fees each year on cigarettes and alcohol.... is that different to handbags and shoes? ...55
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    Yeah I know what you mean... dad wanted me to go to uni... mostly to show off to his family I think... but then he saw the fees.. and baulked... but then he thought nothing of spending more than my fees each year on cigarettes and alcohol.... is that different to handbags and shoes? ...55
    No because we can afford both
    That is what is sort of weird about the whole thing.
    She said the "donation' was 100k and I put it in her bank the next day.
    She was a bit surprised I did it so fast(I keep a lot of my money in US bank, so don't always have a ton available right away)
    I told her that his education is our #1 priority so I had the money waiting to be sent
    That's another thing she still doesn't seem to get.
    From the moment we got serious I told her her son's education costs will never be an issue but she is constantly worried about it.
    And honestly......it's not even a weeks salary.
    I don't know, just weird all around.

    If we got divorced tomorrow I'd still support him through University and likely a bit after University...... I've known him since he was 2yrs old

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    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    No because we can afford both
    That is what is sort of weird about the whole thing.
    She said the "donation' was 100k and I put it in her bank the next day.
    She was a bit surprised I did it so fast(I keep a lot of my money in US bank, so don't always have a ton available right away)
    I told her that his education is our #1 priority so I had the money waiting to be sent
    That's another thing she still doesn't seem to get.
    From the moment we got serious I told her her son's education costs will never be an issue but she is constantly worried about it.
    And honestly......it's not even a weeks salary.
    I don't know, just weird all around.

    If we got divorced tomorrow I'd still support him through University and likely a bit after University...... I've known him since he was 2yrs old
    Maybe even though she has been with you ten years... there is still that innate fear that you may not always be together... and then she will have to fund him herself... No matter what you have told her... he is her son.. not yours... so may be a subconscious fear there...

    Just a thought...
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    Foundation Member Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Minder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Distantpeak View Post
    But how many of your hood friends ended up at uni?
    But how many of your hood friends ended up at uni as students rather than cafeteria staff, grounds keepers and security guards?

    All the people who insist there is no class distinction in their country are going to be the first against the wall when the Revolution comes ...
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    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minder View Post
    But how many of your hood friends ended up at uni as students rather than cafeteria staff, grounds keepers and security guards?

    All the people who insist there is no class distinction in their country are going to be the first against the wall when the Revolution comes ...
    But it often plays out.
    There is not many people I grew up with in the projects that have done much with their careers.

    But my city, as a whole......even though a pretty work class city......I'm pretty impressed at how well most of the people I know from High School has done well
    I don't think you'd get much better results from a rich city than what I see from ours

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