Phuket Taxi and Transfers

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 41
Like Tree42Likes

Thread: Beware the leaking hose

  1. #1
    Cadet Gold
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    adelaide
    Age
    59
    Posts
    451

    Beware the leaking hose

    As i get ready for my next stint in thailand i remember a funny situation that happened to me last time i was there , Now the wife splits her holidays with work so she will have say 4 days off then wok three anyway this happened while she was at work .

    She has long gone to work this morning leaving me to sleep peacefully until i decide to get up , so i wake up have a coffee and some breakfast and then its time for the three s'sss shit shower and shave . I have a shower and shave and then have a crap peacefully sitting there minding my own business thinking of what to do and it comes time to finish up,but the night before the wife said that the hose will need to be replaced soon and i probably said oh ok not a big deal ,HA bullshit as i grab the gun and start KABOOM ! of comes the hose i got this thing flayling around like a cobra on steroids man they got some pressure in them .

    Anyway i grab this monster and by this time im soaked the bathroom has had all the walls washed and i have water going everywhere ,think boy think what are you going to do ,idea ! i stuffed it down the dunny thankfully it worked so i have defeated this rouge hose but how do i turn the bloody water off ? so i dry myself off rip on some shorts and head at a great rate of knots to the caretakers office ,big problem the lady doesnt speak english and my thai is hey how ya going so through various hand gestures i think she understood ,anyway on my way back to her room i remember there are metres outside each room so i figure seeing they dont have gas it must be water .

    Well i was in luck so i get dressed and slip onto a motorcycle taxi and head for the girls work shopping mall where they sell bum guns ,you dont realize how many of these bloody things there are , anyway she comes down from the 7th floor and finds me dazed and confused looking at all these bloody guns ,she grabs one and hands it to me this one she says you like , sweetheart i dont care if its got bloody wings on it ,anyway i get this thing and head back to the room . About an hour later there is a knock on the door ,christ its the immigration police im being deported for breaking the bum gun , false alarm its the maintenance guy he promply fixes the hose and gun as the wife has radioed ahead of my arrivall to let them know it needs to be fixed .

    Anyway its fixed and the guy leaves ,wife gets home and says gun fixed i say yes did you give guy 20 baht errrr no little did i know you are supposed to give them a bit for there trouble anyway i saw him about two days later he didnt want the money but i made sure he took it and told him i didnt understand .Thought i would share what now seems funny to me hope you get a laugh .
    Quarky, kaptainrob, Rivo and 2 others like this.

  2. #2
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Bacon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Perth, West Oz
    Age
    37
    Posts
    11,120
    555 oh yeah, that's funny. Thanks for sharing 55.
    crispy likes this.
    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.


  3. #3
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    21,251
    Quote Originally Posted by Bacon View Post
    555 oh yeah, that's funny. Thanks for sharing 55.
    Double that. 555

    Having done more than enough plumbing in my day... the proper way, and having seen what somehow passes as okay in Thailand, I have a vivid mental picture of what happened.
    crispy likes this.

  4. #4
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Uber Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน 1080's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Thailand
    Posts
    2,125
    I keep a spare in the bathroom for just such an event, got to have a bum gun. 555
    crispy likes this.

  5. #5
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    21,251
    Quote Originally Posted by 1080 View Post
    I keep a spare in the bathroom for just such an event, got to have a bum gun. 555
    Wish we could get them in Canada. It would save a ton of toilet paper. I'm not sure they are legal. In our sue happy country I'm sure someone would claim it did permanent damage. 55
    crispy likes this.

  6. #6
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    10,481
    Quote Originally Posted by Ian Forbes View Post
    Wish we could get them in Canada. It would save a ton of toilet paper. I'm not sure they are legal. In our sue happy country I'm sure someone would claim it did permanent damage. 55
    Installed one over here, you can just buy them on-line..

    But, the plumber insisted that it needed warm water in this climate, so he put a mixing tap in between... 555
    crispy likes this.

  7. #7
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Bacon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Perth, West Oz
    Age
    37
    Posts
    11,120
    Quote Originally Posted by RakThai View Post
    Installed one over here, you can just buy them on-line..

    But, the plumber insisted that it needed warm water in this climate, so he put a mixing tap in between... 555
    I'm already seeing an electronic mixer that connects to your phone via wifi and adjusts the temperature to your liking when you're on the can. Must of a market for bum guns over there or what?
    crispy likes this.
    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.


  8. #8
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน RakThai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    10,481
    Quote Originally Posted by Bacon View Post
    I'm already seeing an electronic mixer that connects to your phone via wifi and adjusts the temperature to your liking when you're on the can. Must of a market for bum guns over there or what?
    Nah, I use the water cold..
    Cannot wait the ten seconds it takes for the warm water to reach the bum-gun...
    When you're done you're done.. 555
    crispy likes this.

  9. #9
    Lamai Beach Bum Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน bacwaan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Samui
    Posts
    9,062
    The thing I miss the most when travelling back in the west....you just don't realise how integral a part of life the bum gun becomes....and how weird you feel not being able to "finish the job" properly....55
    crispy and Ian Forbes like this.

  10. #10
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    52,758
    Anyone use a bidet regularly? Are they any good?
    crispy likes this.
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


  11. #11
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Bacon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Perth, West Oz
    Age
    37
    Posts
    11,120
    If anyone ever comes up with something that breaks the cultural barrier, they'd become a millionaire over night. The bum gun has been a hit with a lot of expats. Starts off as a thing you gotta do and ends up being a thing you can't do without.
    Last edited by Bacon; 1st September 2019 at 20:46.
    Rockitt, bacwaan, crispy and 1 others like this.
    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.


  12. #12
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    52,758
    Must admit I've never got the hang of it... unless the aim is to get shit on the ceiling... then I'm your man...
    PGC and crispy like this.
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


  13. #13
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน MarcTwoSix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    21,277
    Quote Originally Posted by Quarky View Post
    Anyone use a bidet regularly? Are they any good?
    Not regularly but some

    The Japanese toilets are to die for
    They do all the work you just make sure your butt hole is in the right spot 5555
    Quarky likes this.

  14. #14
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    52,758
    Quote Originally Posted by MarcTwoSix View Post
    They do all the work you just make sure your butt hole is in the right spot 5555
    Did Dupe's recommend this place to you? ..55
    PGC and Ian Forbes like this.
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


  15. #15
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Stillearly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    13,867
    Quote Originally Posted by Quarky View Post
    Anyone use a bidet regularly? Are they any good?
    We used to have a separate bidet when I was growing up in the 70's , lots of people had them .... hot and cold tap to mix the water to desired temp , flick the switch and it sprayed up ... I used to think it was for washing your feet after a day on the beach ..
    Quarky and Ian Forbes like this.

  16. #16
    Organic AI Quarky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    52,758
    Quote Originally Posted by Stillearly View Post
    We used to have a separate bidet when I was growing up in the 70's , lots of people had them .... hot and cold tap to mix the water to desired temp , flick the switch and it sprayed up ... I used to think it was for washing your feet after a day on the beach ..
    I always worry it will make things even more messy... when I see the state of my shower afterwards.. I always wonder how a bidet could contain it all...
    My only experience was in a pie making factory managing the gravy team


  17. #17
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Chob's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    18,321
    Quote Originally Posted by crispy View Post
    As i get ready for my next stint in thailand i remember a funny situation that happened to me last time i was there , Now the wife splits her holidays with work so she will have say 4 days off then wok three anyway this happened while she was at work .

    She has long gone to work this morning leaving me to sleep peacefully until i decide to get up , so i wake up have a coffee and some breakfast and then its time for the three s'sss shit shower and shave . I have a shower and shave and then have a crap peacefully sitting there minding my own business thinking of what to do and it comes time to finish up,but the night before the wife said that the hose will need to be replaced soon and i probably said oh ok not a big deal ,HA bullshit as i grab the gun and start KABOOM ! of comes the hose i got this thing flayling around like a cobra on steroids man they got some pressure in them .

    Anyway i grab this monster and by this time im soaked the bathroom has had all the walls washed and i have water going everywhere ,think boy think what are you going to do ,idea ! i stuffed it down the dunny thankfully it worked so i have defeated this rouge hose but how do i turn the bloody water off ? so i dry myself off rip on some shorts and head at a great rate of knots to the caretakers office ,big problem the lady doesnt speak english and my thai is hey how ya going so through various hand gestures i think she understood ,anyway on my way back to her room i remember there are metres outside each room so i figure seeing they dont have gas it must be water .

    Well i was in luck so i get dressed and slip onto a motorcycle taxi and head for the girls work shopping mall where they sell bum guns ,you dont realize how many of these bloody things there are , anyway she comes down from the 7th floor and finds me dazed and confused looking at all these bloody guns ,she grabs one and hands it to me this one she says you like , sweetheart i dont care if its got bloody wings on it ,anyway i get this thing and head back to the room . About an hour later there is a knock on the door ,christ its the immigration police im being deported for breaking the bum gun , false alarm its the maintenance guy he promply fixes the hose and gun as the wife has radioed ahead of my arrivall to let them know it needs to be fixed .

    Anyway its fixed and the guy leaves ,wife gets home and says gun fixed i say yes did you give guy 20 baht errrr no little did i know you are supposed to give them a bit for there trouble anyway i saw him about two days later he didnt want the money but i made sure he took it and told him i didnt understand .Thought i would share what now seems funny to me hope you get a laugh .
    Hah , good story ! ...yep , theres bum guns , then theres bum guns...

    For me , the worst thing that can happen on any trip across Thailand , (where-in its not my own bum gun ) ...is the "paltry trickle bum gun"
    A feeble trickle , at best , is delivered ... and then you realise there is NO tissue...

    And then you realise why all the women have something white and papery firmly grasped in their paws as they approach the very same toilets ... in fact , any 'hong naam'.

    Theres many a time , ( you'd think Id have learned !) , that you could have seen an aging Aussie expat, somewhere in South Thailand , with his shorts hanging a tad lower than you'd normally expect , gingerly walking bandy leggedly across a petrol station car park , in search of the tissue box in his ute, then quickly heading back to the toilets. 55

    Dont even get me started on the 'squaters ' buddy !! 555
    PGC and crispy like this.

  18. #18
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    21,251
    Thanks for all the laughs, guys. 5555

    It's funny how something so simple is something we get used to ... until we don't have it anymore. Most of us old farts have hairy butts that take a LOT of cleaning. I can go through a ton of toilet paper just wiping my butt clean. 555

  19. #19
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    21,251
    Quote Originally Posted by Chob View Post
    Hah , good story ! ...yep , theres bum guns , then theres bum guns...

    For me , the worst thing that can happen on any trip across Thailand , (where-in its not my own bum gun ) ...is the "paltry trickle bum gun"
    A feeble trickle , at best , is delivered ... and then you realise there is NO tissue...

    And then you realise why all the women have something white and papery firmly grasped in their paws as they approach the very same toilets ... in fact , any 'hong naam'.

    Theres many a time , ( you'd think Id have learned !) , that you could have seen an aging Aussie expat, somewhere in South Thailand , with his shorts hanging a tad lower than you'd normally expect , gingerly walking bandy leggedly across a petrol station car park , in search of the tissue box in his ute, then quickly heading back to the toilets. 55

    Dont even get me started on the 'squaters ' buddy !! 555
    Yup, we've all seen that and had a good laugh because we can identify with it. 555

  20. #20
    Uber Star Soi wanderer Thai Dreamer ผู้เพ้อฝัน Stillearly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    13,867
    Quote Originally Posted by Chob View Post
    Hah , good story ! ...yep , theres bum guns , then theres bum guns...

    For me , the worst thing that can happen on any trip across Thailand , (where-in its not my own bum gun ) ...is the "paltry trickle bum gun"
    A feeble trickle , at best , is delivered ... and then you realise there is NO tissue...

    And then you realise why all the women have something white and papery firmly grasped in their paws as they approach the very same toilets ... in fact , any 'hong naam'.

    Theres many a time , ( you'd think Id have learned !) , that you could have seen an aging Aussie expat, somewhere in South Thailand , with his shorts hanging a tad lower than you'd normally expect , gingerly walking bandy leggedly across a petrol station car park , in search of the tissue box in his ute, then quickly heading back to the toilets. 55

    Dont even get me started on the 'squaters ' buddy !! 555
    First Aussie I met in Thailand , used to carry his own toilet roll with him , he also wore thongs a couple of sizes too big so he didn't stub his toes on the bar ...
    PGC likes this.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •