Another mouth to feed

[MarcTwoSix]

Helping the kids is a bit different. I also make my kids pay it back.

For sure different

And he gets more than he needs

But if it some sort of side business I'm not just going to give him the money but want to show I will support his ideas
But that it is not risk free for him.

Plus he got a little fat at University
So if he has to pay me back every month, he can afford to eat less 5555

 

[MarcTwoSix]

I mentioned prior how I was a bit surprised that Fy's school just let Ao be her "Guardian"
I told her that wouldn't happen over here

Well, I am pleasantly surprised that the school sent Fy home with a letter asking a lot of questions about Ao
Her finances, job, relationship to Fy
And are even coming to her house for a house visit to check out Fy is living in a suitable place
I was pretty happy with that and quite impressed


As for Fy
Ao thinks that she should just slide into this whole new life seamlessly
Her attitude seems to be that she is giving her a better life so she should just be happy
(Not in a mean way, she just seems to not take the kids adjustment into account)

I told her, she's 8yrs old and has had her life turned upside down.
Sure she has some new toys and gadgets she didn't have
Goes to restaurants she's never been

But she's a kid, none of that measures up to her own little life she had
And it will take time....

 

[OZZYGUY]

Its what happens now that will effect her in years to come. I'm talking her mental well being.

Gifts and going to a restaurant are nice but its love, support and not feeling abandonment is what will help most.

Looks like you guys are doing a great job just make Ao aware of her mental well being.

Seen these situations so many times, when they become adults end up with all sorts of issues even if you good a good job at bringing her up.

BTW always like reading the updates on Fy.

 

[MarcTwoSix]

Its what happens now that will effect her in years to come. I'm talking her mental well being.

Gifts and going to a restaurant are nice but its love, support and not feeling abandonment is what will help most.

Looks like you guys are doing a great job just make Ao aware of her mental well being.

Seen these situations so many times, when they become adults end up with all sorts of issues even if you good a good job at bringing her up.

BTW always like reading the updates on Fy.

Well it's all Ao and her Mom
I'm just giving her perspective and some advice from afar

I'm just really worried for when Ao comes here
She just doesn't have the comfort level with my MIL, that she does with Ao
Even though it's her grandmother

My MIL is an extremely serious person.
So a young kid would be intimidated.

I wish we could just bring her to Canada when Ao
I did tell Ao to start asking for and getting receipts for everything she pays for Fy
Tuition, uniforms, everything, etc.....

So maybe we can show Canada we support her and have her come here in a year or so(if her Mom remained out out the picture)

 

[MarcTwoSix]

Another thing about Fy is she's a very timid kid
She's very quiet and it drives Ao nuts

But I tell her, that's just her
You can encourage her to come out of her shell with positive reinforcement but you can't just make her

Ao asked her "what her dream is?" "What does she want to be?"
And it drove Ao nuts she said she doesn't have a dream

I said, she's not that type of kid
So now when she someone doing a job(police, nurse, etc)
Point them out and ask her what she thinks about those people and those jobs
She just won't think about that stuff herself
That's not her

 

[OZZYGUY]

I think she is too young to know what she wants to be or have dreams, my wifes boy is 9 he has no idea but a smart kid. He is more interested in football...55

Maybe Ao needs to reinforce with Fy that she is going to Canada soon and the MIL will be taking care of her. Don't leave it to the time comes so at least Fy gets use to it now.
Let the MIL spend more time with Fy than Ao does.

Im sure you have thought of this

 

[MarcTwoSix]

I think she is too young to know what she wants to be or have dreams, my wifes boy is 9 he has no idea but a smart kid. He is more interested in football...55

Maybe Ao needs to reinforce with Fy that she is going to Canada soon and the MIL will be taking care of her. Don't leave it to the time comes so at least Fy gets use to it now.
Let the MIL spend more time with Fy than Ao does.

Im sure you have thought of this

Oh she has been telling Fy all the time right from the start

It will be bumpy, I believe

The big thing also is homework
My MIL can't help her
But I suggested that Ao contact Nut's old high school and see if they can recommend one of their better students to tutor her

 

[OZZYGUY]

But I suggested that Ao contact Nut's old high school and see if they can recommend one of their better students to tutor her

This is a great idea. Im sure I mentioned it before we did this with my wifes two and will again when we move back.

When we did it they came everyday except weekends. Think it cost 5000p a month (2500 each). 3000tb

 

[MarcTwoSix]

This is a great idea. Im sure I mentioned it before we did this with my wifes two and will again when we move back.

When we did it they came everyday except weekends. Think it cost 5000p a month (2500 each). 3000tb

Ao probably wishes I thought of it earlier 5555

She said she'd have to go learn on YouTube before helping Fy 5555

Especially Mandarin!

She said "it like I have to go school now too!"

 

[OZZYGUY]

Ao probably wishes I thought of it earlier 5555

She said she'd have to go learn on YouTube before helping Fy 5555

Especially Mandarin!

She said "it like I have to go school now too!"

You could pay a student to teach both of them......55

 

[MarcTwoSix]

Well things with Fy have been a little bumpy

1st the not too seriuous issue is she asked if she can go see her brothers and grandparents
Ao tells her all the time she go see them on a regular basis
But she doesn't want her sleeping over
Ao says that just 1 night of her sleeping over there sets her back weeks from where she was focused


But now some serious stuff
The teacher came to Ao's home
She said Fy is almost last in her class
Ao says she has a terrible time remembering anything

She's been through a lot, Ao recognizes that now
From not a good homelife when parents were together to her Mom leaving her
I told Ao that at 8yrs old, she's at the worst possible age to do the worst damage with all that
Old enough to understand but not old enough to process her feelings on it

Now the big thing.
She really has zero confidence
Even reading to Ao she speaks In a whisper
She has those big glasses she hates
She just isn't a confident kid

But Ao says that even telling her that she needs to speak up with set her crying
Even when Ao explains to her she 's not mad at her

But Ao said she notices that when Fy is upset she will hurt herself or do some nervous traits(Ao explained it "she will play with her hair like crazy people"

So we talked about her seeing a child psychologist
Wasn't the farang's idea
I was thinking it, but Ao asked if she should bring her to doctor

I said couldn't hurt

Oh and Ao rally is awesome....

She said about Fy
"I never feel like this with Nut, but I feel like my heart is so hurt for her"
"I worry so much make my heart feel like 100 kilo"
"We have to fix her"

All with 100% concern, no frustration.....

I told her it's been 3 months
Will take 3 years......

 

[sidvicious]

Well things with Fy have been a little bumpy

1st the not too seriuous issue is she asked if she can go see her brothers and grandparents
Ao tells her all the time she go see them on a regular basis
But she doesn't want her sleeping over
Ao says that just 1 night of her sleeping over there sets her back weeks from where she was focused


But now some serious stuff
The teacher came to Ao's home
She said Fy is almost last in her class
Ao says she has a terrible time remembering anything

She's been through a lot, Ao recognizes that now
From not a good homelife when parents were together to her Mom leaving her
I told Ao that at 8yrs old, she's at the worst possible age to do the worst damage with all that
Old enough to understand but not old enough to process her feelings on it

Now the big thing.
She really has zero confidence
Even reading to Ao she speaks In a whisper
She has those big glasses she hates
She just isn't a confident kid

But Ao says that even telling her that she needs to speak up with set her crying
Even when Ao explains to her she 's not mad at her

But Ao said she notices that when Fy is upset she will hurt herself or do some nervous traits(Ao explained it "she will play with her hair like crazy people"

So we talked about her seeing a child psychologist
Wasn't the farang's idea
I was thinking it, but Ao asked if she should bring her to doctor

I said couldn't hurt

Oh and Ao rally is awesome....

She said about Fy
"I never feel like this with Nut, but I feel like my heart is so hurt for her"
"I worry so much make my heart feel like 100 kilo"
"We have to fix her"

All with 100% concern, no frustration.....

I told her it's been 3 months
Will take 3 years......

The child psychologist is probably a good idea. Sounds like she has major issues.
Who knows what she has been through in her young life.

 

[anmeno]

Well things with Fy have been a little bumpy

1st the not too seriuous issue is she asked if she can go see her brothers and grandparents
Ao tells her all the time she go see them on a regular basis
But she doesn't want her sleeping over
Ao says that just 1 night of her sleeping over there sets her back weeks from where she was focused


But now some serious stuff
The teacher came to Ao's home
She said Fy is almost last in her class
Ao says she has a terrible time remembering anything

She's been through a lot, Ao recognizes that now
From not a good homelife when parents were together to her Mom leaving her
I told Ao that at 8yrs old, she's at the worst possible age to do the worst damage with all that
Old enough to understand but not old enough to process her feelings on it

Now the big thing.
She really has zero confidence
Even reading to Ao she speaks In a whisper
She has those big glasses she hates
She just isn't a confident kid

But Ao says that even telling her that she needs to speak up with set her crying
Even when Ao explains to her she 's not mad at her

But Ao said she notices that when Fy is upset she will hurt herself or do some nervous traits(Ao explained it "she will play with her hair like crazy people"

So we talked about her seeing a child psychologist
Wasn't the farang's idea
I was thinking it, but Ao asked if she should bring her to doctor

I said couldn't hurt

Oh and Ao rally is awesome....

She said about Fy
"I never feel like this with Nut, but I feel like my heart is so hurt for her"
"I worry so much make my heart feel like 100 kilo"
"We have to fix her"

All with 100% concern, no frustration.....

I told her it's been 3 months
Will take 3 years......

So I guess Ao is not coming to Canada this year then.

 

[MarcTwoSix]

So I guess Ao is not coming to Canada this year then.

No she is.
She will fly to Boston likely for June/July then back to Canada

That's a concern but we have to have our life back together

It was always the plan to get her settled with her grandmother
And that has been taking place
My MIL now does a lot of the school with checking
And Ao's gone to the village the last couple of weeks and left Fy back with my MIL and they got on

And that has been communicated to Fy from the start that Ao will be leaving

I told Ao to save every single receipt and get receipts for everything she pays for
Maybe in hopes we can show we are supporting her and bring her to Canada in the not so distant future
But don't know if that would be even possible

From my research, most countries grown upon what they call a "financial adoption"
Where you want to take a relative over for financial reasons

 

[RakThai]

No she is.
She will fly to Boston likely for June/July then back to Canada

That's a concern but we have to have our life back together

It was always the plan to get her settled with her grandmother
And that has been taking place
My MIL now does a lot of the school with checking
And Ao's gone to the village the last couple of weeks and left Fy back with my MIL and they got on

And that has been communicated to Fy from the start that Ao will be leaving

I told Ao to save every single receipt and get receipts for everything she pays for
Maybe in hopes we can show we are supporting her and bring her to Canada in the not so distant future
But don't know if that would be even possible

From my research, most countries grown upon what they call a "financial adoption"
Where you want to take a relative over for financial reasons

There is not enough information to say much about your decision making..

But let's presume Fy's issues are stemmed from instability in her early youth..
And I do fully understand Ao and your intentions are positive and noble,
but do you think transplanting a young, insecure girl to Canada would benefit her?

Seems like Fy needs structure and stability and I would ask myself if a different culture / different language / different food, clothes, etc. could contribute to her well-being?

 

[MarcTwoSix]

There is not enough information to say much about your decision making..

But let's presume Fy's issues are stemmed from instability in her early youth..
And I do fully understand Ao and your intentions are positive and noble,
but do you think transplanting a young, insecure girl to Canada would benefit her?

Seems like Fy needs structure and stability and I would ask myself if a different culture / different language / different food, clothes, etc. could contribute to her well-being?

Very good and valid points

I honestly don't think it will be able to happen, given the research I have done on the immigration aspect.

But for conversation sake....

I don't really worry about any issues with different culture/language with a kid that age
We've seen enough Thai kids of different ages to see how and at what ages they adapt or don't adapt well to the move

Food is a good topic. These young Thai kids don't have the affinity to Thai food that the adults do.
My experience being around quite a bit of them
They would be just as happy to eat a pizza than Thai food
But there is no lack of Thai food in our Canadian household either, I will tell you that 5555

And I guess our thought process if it was able to happen is to have two "young" adults overseeing her than 1 older grandmother. Who I know will do more than a capable job

But say she stays in Thailand with her grandmother with Ao going back a bit and her visiting here
And decisions on her being made between all 3 of us

I got an amazing stepson. I couldn't ask for a better kid
And he was basically raised that way

So that's a big positive for your point to not even think of moving her away from Thailand

I appreciate all the questions or opinions on this subject
It's why I've been posting, to get feedback from people who have a lot more experience than I do!


PS....These kids don't smile like they for Tom Yum Goong 5555

 

[Dupree]

Why don't you at least get her some hip glasses? And I know Thai's don't culturally give praise. But it sounds like she needs a ton to help her self esteem. I don't see MIL doing that.

 

[MarcTwoSix]

Why don't you at least get her some hip glasses? And I know Thai's don't culturally give praise. But it sounds like she needs a ton to help her self esteem. I don't see MIL doing that.

Ao asked her if she wants to get the surgery
She seems to want to but is a bit afraid

And with her prescription, I think pretty hard to get any cool looking glasses....

We are looking into a bunch of things.
Some sort of music classes.
Or camps

Things that she can learn but aren't super competitive

Hoping it gets her out if her shell, boosts her self-esteem but nothing she feels she needs to be the top at

 

[OZZYGUY]

All these issues she is having are common with kids that have been abundant from the birth parents. Sorry to say but from my experience 90% chance it wont get better even with a child psychologist although its worth a shot if you can find a good one. Finding that good one could be a issue in its self.

Im with Rak on this
Seems like Fy needs structure and stability and I would ask myself if a different culture / different language / different food, clothes, etc. could contribute to her well-being?


If you want to help just be her sponsor.

 

[MarcTwoSix]

Ao said Fy has expressed interest in music and she said Fy was happy year so she asked Fy is she wanted to try and play music and take a class

Fy said yes
And Ao asked her what she wants to play

And she said piano!
Which has been sort of a running joke.
I have been saying, without her saying it all, that she should play the piano 555
But Ao has been saying "too expensive "

And when she said it, Ao's mom said
"Uh oh, expensive " 5555


I also looked into summer camps
Ones that weren't curriculum based, just art classes , etc...
Fuck me, there is some rich people in Thailand!
Not cheap at all!