MIL chronicles

[MarcTwoSix]

Why is it dumb? It's exactly how I feel... what is dumb is people who put up with stuff and are unhappy... not saying you are unhappy, but I know many unhappy couples... there is no way I could tolerate what you put up with... I've tried it.. don't like it... it would make me miserable... compromising makes me unhappy... the only person I have ever compromised for is my mother.. and I won't do it again.. for anyone...

Because a good marriage is about compromise.....that could literally be the definition of it
For someone being married to say "don't compromise " is honestly one of the dumbest things I have ever heard someone say

I don't have to tolerate much, and reap many reawards... including being with my favorite person in the world every day.

And I'm not trying to have a go at you, but you seem to live a lonely life and not trying to be a dick but it's only going to get lonlier as you get older, probably because you didn't want to compromise or listened to your dad's idiotic advise 5555

Or you could be one of those newlyweds that get married at 65yrs young!
We know you dream about it.

 

[Quarky]

Because a good marriage is about compromise.....that could literally be the definition of it
For someone being married to say "don't compromise " is honestly one of the dumbest things I have ever heard someone say

I don't tolerate much, and reap many reawards...

And I'm not trying to have a go at you, but you seem to live a lonely life, probably because you didn't want to compromise or listened to your dad's idiotic advise 5555

I'm definitely not lonely... I have felt my loneliest when in relationships. Much happier when single. Thinking about other people's feelings stresses me... a lot. I hate feeling responsible for someone's happiness. It took me a long time to realise I didn't need someone to be happy... and I have single friends who are unhappy being single, but I'm not like them.

I didn't listen to my dad's advice... I kept compromising myself... until one day the penny dropped... when I was in my 40s and I thought fcuk it.. no more... I want a stress-free life... being single isn't bad... and I'm certainly not going to compromise myself into having a relationship with someone I am not 100% happy with... I think previously I still gave them a go, even if things weren't perfect... the eagerness of youth.. 55

 

[OZZYGUY]

Why is it dumb? It's exactly how I feel... what is dumb is people who put up with stuff and are unhappy... not saying you are unhappy, but I know many unhappy couples... there is no way I could tolerate what you put up with... I've tried it.. don't like it... it would make me miserable... compromising makes me unhappy... the only person I have ever compromised for is my mother.. and I won't do it again.. for anyone...

I'm about a 20-80 split on this. 80% your way.

My fist marriage I compromised a lot, mainly her way. I was miserable.

Second marriage a fair bit.

These days I have no need too, not because I don't want to we just see things very much the same. Massive difference from past relationships.

A relationship should flow and be stress free but you should be able to discuss things openly and if a compromise is needed it has to be fair and work for both without one person feeling its unfair. You need someone you dont have a need to compromise too much.

If I every became single again I couldn't deal with a lot of things like this, would need to meet someone perfect....or stay a grumpy old man living in Thailand going short time a lot....55

 

[Quarky]

I'm about a 20-80 split on this. 80% your way.

My fist marriage I compromised a lot, mainly her way. I was miserable.

Second marriage a fair bit.

These days I have no need too, not because I don't want to we just see things very much the same. Massive difference from past relationships.

A relationship should flow and be stress free but you should be able to discuss things openly and if a compromise is needed it has to be fair and work for both without one person feeling its unfair. You need someone you dont have a need to compromise too much.

If I every became single again I couldn't deal with a lot of things like this, would need to meet someone perfect....or stay a grumpy old man living in Thailand going short time a lot....55

Exactly that. And I think finding that balanced relationship is so difficult. I know very few who have achieved it... but it must feel like winning the lottery. If I found it, I'd know it... and I think that's what dad meant... don't settle for second best.. make sure it's absolutely right or it will kill you. Or rather would kill me... 55

 

[OZZYGUY]

Exactly that. And I think finding that balanced relationship is so difficult. I know very few who have achieved it... but it must feel like winning the lottery. If I found it, I'd know it... and I think that's what dad meant... don't settle for second best.. make sure it's absolutely right or it will kill you. Or rather would kill me... 55

I been talking with my son about this, don't take second best and find someone that it just flows. Relationships you shouldn't have to work on, it shouldn't be hard.

Last week he said......I don't know why you staid with mum for so long........55

 

[MarcTwoSix]

I'm about a 20-80 split on this. 80% your way.

My fist marriage I compromised a lot, mainly her way. I was miserable.

Second marriage a fair bit.

These days I have no need too, not because I don't want to we just see things very much the same. Massive difference from past relationships.

A relationship should flow and be stress free but you should be able to discuss things openly and if a compromise is needed it has to be fair and work for both without one person feeling its unfair. You need someone you dont have a need to compromise too much.

If I every became single again I couldn't deal with a lot of things like this, would need to meet someone perfect....or stay a grumpy old man living in Thailand going short time a lot....55

I think what Quarky Dad likely meant is that you shouldn't give up your identity in a relationship

Which a lot of people do, especially it seems women.....
And something you shouldn't do

And yes, no one should be the only one compromising.....

A relationship is made up of all sorts of comprises or most men would just bang a different girl every day, but then you lose a family....

Holidays, many people have to compromise to see each other families when they'd like to see thier own
Where to live, many people compromise where they live for what's best for kids and the whole family

There is probably a million more you can state

Any relationship, even a friendship, has comprises.......

 

[Dupree]

I can't imagine finding someone that you can marry when you're middle aged. People used to get married and raise a family in their early 20s. First you are young and attractive and shagging every day. Second the woman is in peak birth giving health. And the both of you have the required stamina to raise children. Third you are both still growing intellectually. But that can be either good or bad. It's bad if one partner outgrows the others maturity. Or you both grow in different directions in ideals and values. Add to that the distractions of jealousy that social media offers. I don't know how current and future generations will overcome it.

 

[MarcTwoSix]

I can't imagine finding someone that you can marry when you're middle aged. People used to get married and raise a family in their early 20s. First you are young and attractive and shagging every day. Second the woman is in peak birth giving health. And the both of you have the required stamina to raise children. Third you are both still growing intellectually. But that can be either good or bad. It's bad if one partner outgrows the others maturity. Or you both grow in different directions in ideals and values. Add to that the distractions of jealousy that social media offers. I don't know how current and future generations will overcome it.

I enjoy being married

If something happened

I wouldn't try and go get married again...

Although wouldn't be against it either but would have to be perfect and I don't know if that would happen....

 

[Dupree]

I enjoy being married

If something happened

I wouldn't try and go get married again...

Although wouldn't be against it either but would have to be perfect and I don't know if that would happen....

When couples marry without the intent to have children. Then what's the point? I did it so I could lock her in. 555 Bottom line it's a big gamble for the man and much more advantageous for the woman if there's a divorce.

 

[MarcTwoSix]

When couples marry without the intent to have children. Then what's the point? I did it so I could lock her in. 555 Bottom line it's a big gamble for the man and much more advantageous for the woman if there's a divorce.

You mean as an older person?

Sure I see that point, you can just be in a relationship, no need to be married

I guess some people like the idea of being married


As I said above to @Quarky
There is no way of knowing if you will be very lonely being single when older when you become more isolated

Some people that may not be an issue but I think it it's some people hard

 

[Dupree]

You mean as an older person?

Sure I see that point, you can just be in a relationship, no need to be married

I guess some people like the idea of being married


As I said above to @Quarky
There is no way of knowing if you will be very lonely being single when older when you become more isolated

Some people that may not be an issue but I think it it's some people hard

Since you keep bringing loneliness up. Is that why you did it? I can't imagine you ever being lonely. 555

Fear of loneliness is such a cop out. Marriage lasting forever is less than 50 50 odds. Hence our Thailand Boys Club..55 Some people can be lonely in a room full of people.

 

[MarcTwoSix]

Since you keep bringing loneliness up. Is that why you did it? I can't imagine you ever being lonely. 555

Fear of loneliness is such a cop out. Marriage lasting forever is less than 50 50 odds. Hence our Thailand Boys Club..55 Some people can be lonely in a room full of people.

At 36 I wasn't thinking about being lonely when I am older

But at 52yrs old I think about life when I am older

I do think a lot of people that get married when they are older do so out of fear of being alone later.....

 

[OZZYGUY]

When couples marry without the intent to have children. Then what's the point?

Commitment, long term partner, fulfillment, best friend, sex ( if you are compatible ), travel buddy, growing old together, company, doing stuff together,.

Just a few of the top of my head.

BTW its my wedding anniversary today and the longest I been married to any of my wife's.....

 

[MarcTwoSix]

Commitment, long term partner, fulfillment, best friend, sex ( if you are compatible ), travel buddy, growing old together, company, doing stuff together,.

Just a few of the top of my head.

BTW its my wedding anniversary today and the longest I been married to any of my wife's.....

I think @Dupree point is you can do that all without being married

To be honest
I think marriage is great....
But I also don't think it's that big of a deal

 

[OZZYGUY]

I think @Dupree point is you can do that all without being married

To be honest
I think marriage is great....
But I also don't think it's that big of a deal

Im unsure, he said When couples marry without the intent to have children. Then what's the point?

He was referring to those that don't want kids

 

[MarcTwoSix]

Im unsure, he said When couples marry without the intent to have children. Then what's the point?

He was referring to those that don't want kids

He can clarify

But I think he meant that people getting married older(50's plus) aren't going to have kids so what's the point....

 

[Quarky]

The main difficulty for me is that my strongest interests as I age, are more easily done with male mates... whoring and sports. Finding a woman into that is difficult (not impossible), but the odds of finding a man into that is much higher... plus no need for commitment.

 

[OZZYGUY]

The main difficulty for me is that my strongest interests as I age, are more easily done with male mates... whoring and sports. Finding a woman into that is difficult (not impossible), but the odds of finding a man into that is much higher... plus no need for commitment.

Do you have the dating site Red hot pie, Im sure they have others. Just saying.

 

[Quarky]

Do you have the dating site Red hot pie, Im sure they have others. Just saying.

No idea. But every site I use is fine until the girl sees a pic of me. I tell them it's my happy face, but no cigar...

 

[Quarky]

Do you have the dating site Red hot pie, Im sure they have others. Just saying.

I did use dating sites a while back.. pre-Thailand, so at least 20 years ago... went on dozens of dates... most talked a good game... but when date came to shag... only one out of about 40 I dated walked the talk... it was exciting for a while... but eventually I couldn't be assed with it... I didn't really fancy any of them once face to face. Though I probably would have shagged half of them if they had been keen.. alas only one was. In the end, the old style way of meeting women proved more successful... not in quantity, but quality... as in hitting it off... coupled with cunning manipulation.. or charm as some call it.